A couple of days ago, I was practicing The PEACE System as I try to each morning, and during my meditation, this song just started pouring out of my head.
A lot of people ask me how I write songs. Sadly, I don't really write them, as much as I transcribe what I hear in my head. They come to me in finished samples- sometimes in fragments, but usually the whole dang song just sort of rolls out in one fell swoop - as if I'm listening to a radio station or something. It's how "Something In My Dreams" and "What Love Can Do" both were born, as well as most of my tunes. The hardest part for me is getting the song down fast enough so I don't lose something precious in the transition from my head to the piano/pen.
Imagine hearing a brand new song for the first time and trying to remember every single part, note, and riff. Even Des has to listen to a song a couple of times before he's got it down... and I'm not that good (yet).
So I sing it over and over and over until I have the melody on lock, and then record the vocal. Then I try to get to a piano and "find" the chords before I've lost them. I can't tell you how many songs I've lost over the years because it didn't get down on paper the way I heard it in my head.
*sigh*
But as these lyrics came out, it was clear it wasn't just a song for me to "not lose" - but rather a message that might help you right now - in lyric form - before the song is complete. Chances are good this one will end up as a last-minute addition to the new album (details soon!).
You can't be fixed because you're not broken. (tweet this)
by Lisa Robbin Young (April 22, 2015)
I can't fix you. Nobody can.
You can be mad at the world, and beat on your chest all that you can.
But I can't fix you in the state that you're in
'Cause you're not broken...
And you never have been.
You're not broken. I just want you to know.
Yeah, the world may try to beat you down,
But still you grow.
If you just keep on fighting, the world can't win.
'Cause you're not broken.
You gotta let that sink in.
There are times when we feel like we're just not enough -
We can't take anymore - that it's just too tough.
And our world's crumblin' down 'round our ears.
Yeah it's rough, but you're here.
And you're breathing.
So I can't fix you.
I just want you to know.
Don't be mad at the world as it beats you down
'Cause that's how you grow.
Yeah, just keep on fighting, and I know you're gonna win.
'Cause you're not broken - and you never have been.
No. You're NOT Broken.
You've gotta let that sink in.
When "Now Discover Your Strengths" came out, let's just say I was a very late adopter. So late, in fact, that I had already bought "Strengths Finder 2.0" first. After taking the test to find my strengths, I was non-plussed. I felt like I already knew what my strengths were, and the book and quiz basically confirmed it.
For those of you keeping track, my top five strengths are: Strategic, Woo, Communication, Context, and Connectedness - in that order.
Call me slow, but once I knew what I already knew, the book sat on my shelves for years. Since I "already knew everything" it was relegated to the bookshelf that I rarely touch - the one I'm cleaning out now to move into my studio.
When I clear off bookshelves, I always dive back in to some random pages and see if the book still holds any value for me before I let it go. Some books I read once and pass off immediately. Not because they aren't good, but because I really feel like I've gotten everything I could from the book.
Yes, sometimes that means buying another copy of the book when my hard-headedness wears off, but not usually. I have a learning addiction, so I'm constantly absorbing new material, and like any user, once it's all used up, we discard it and move on to the next fix.
For whatever reason, I held onto an entire collection of books by Marcus Buckingham, Tom Rath, and Donald Clifton. I kept telling myself that they'd come in handy for client work, and since I'm taking on fewer one-on-one clients now, it seemed like a good idea to go back through them and see what good they'd do me.
So as I flipped back through the book, I read the descriptions of each of my strengths. I found myself nodding. Then, I found myself writing them all down - and highlighting! I haven't highlighted a book since college!
Clearly something was happening in my brain. It was almost unconscious... like my hands were operating independent of me. By the time it was done, I'd re-worded the five lengthy paragraphs to look something like this:
What makes me so awesome? It’s a unique combination of clear, meaningful strategy and communication with a positive impact.
Clear, Meaningful Strategy: Strategy is a distinct way of thinking, a special perspective that allows me to see patterns others don’t. It's a big reason I was appointed to a government-sponsored think tank as a teenager. It’s an advantage that helps me find potential obstacles before you hit a road block, a dead-end path, or the land of confusion. Clarity is king with me. I also believe we are on this rock for a purpose. Yes, we make our own decisions and we are accountable for those choices and actions, and still we have a greater gift to share with the world. Whatever your connection of choice (Spirit, God, six degrees of separation, etc.), we are all connected to each other in some small way. This perspective helps me understand how today’s strategies impact tomorrow’s results.
Communication With A Positive Impact: Words are my palette. I've won multiple awards for my writing, music and performances. I have a deep need to bring ideas, stories and events to life, energize them, and make them exciting and vivid. I use examples that make it easier for you to relate, understand, and apply to your specific situation. People like to listen to me because I’m a knowledgeable, passionate communicator and I inspire them to take action in meaningful ways. I also believe that words are meaningless unless they mean something to you. So I want to learn who you are, what makes you tick, where you’ve been and where you want to go. Your back story helps us understand how to plan for the future. You'll make better, more confident decisions when you understand your back story. This keeps you from making the same mistakes or re-inventing the wheel on your path to success.
If you've read the book, you'll recognize some of the language, but it's decidedly my own spin on what Clifton, Rath, and Buckingham have described as my top 5 strengths. I've already added it to my about page, and will soon have micro versions on my social media profiles and new one-sheet as well.
1. Buy the book and take the test. Make sure you get a copy of the book that has an unused access code for the test. Once you've taken the test, make note of your top 5 strengths.
2. Copy down all 5 strengths descriptions. The paragraphs are way too long for a bio. You'll be editing mercilessly in the next step. For now, just copy it all down.
3. Edit mercilessly. Change all the "you" statements to "I" statements, and re-write the paragraphs into something very client focused. I was able to eventually take the Strategy and Connectedness paragraphs and blend them into one. For me, I wanted to show people that Strategy is worthless without a bigger picture meaning.You can see that I used the phrase "I also believe..." as a transition from one thought (strategic) to the next (connectedness). You want to streamline all this information into something digestible for an average reader. You're not necessarily trying to condense each strength into one or two paragraphs like I did, though. It could be 5 smaller pargraphs if your strengths don't seem to logically go together like mine did. In any case, do what works for you, since this is your bio, and you want to be proud to share it with people.
4. Sprinkle in your credentials. The idea is to give a nod to your accomplishments, but stay focused on how they help your clients. You'll want to find no more than 1 or two things that illustrate each of your strengths. Here I've mentioned my appointment to a think tank as a teenager to illustrate and affirm my strategic abilities. I've also mentioned that I'm an award-winning writer, musician, and performer - which hopefully serves to both inspire my audience and encourage them to experience the different ways I communicate with context.
5. Check for grammatical issues. Cutting and pasting words and ideas often leaves a trail of errant punctuation, capitalization, and stray words that just don't belong. Look for fragments, incomplete ideas, and anything that doesn't clearly represent your unique value to your clients. Remember, your bio needs to be client-focused, even if it's talking about you.
6. Rest. Not everyone writes or edits well. You'll likely need a few passes at this, but even if you're a fantastic writer, I recommend at least one re-write. Once you've made your first round of edits, let it rest for a day and come back to it with fresh eyes. You'll probably see a few tense changes you missed, as well as some ways to refine the language and make it sound more like you.
7. Repeat the edits. Even I caught some glaring things I could fix as I was writing this post. Make sure your credentials are the ones you feel the most positive about - they don't have to be the most glowing praise, but the ones you feel proudest to share with people. If it doesn't work for you, you won't share it with people. The whole purpose of a bio is for people to get to know you. Repeat steps 6 & 7 as needed.
8. Let 'er fly! Share it with a few trusted people and get their response. You may find, as I did, that some people have no idea about what makes you so awesome. They may also point out some things you missed. That doesn't mean they're right and you're wrong. You still have permission to do things your way!
This approach can actually work with most of the personality-type assessments people take. You may notice that I included my fascination advantage "anthem" (knowledgable, passionate communicator) - which is taken from Sally Hogshead's work, "How The World Sees You." Strengths Finder is just one approach that worked surprisingly well (and fast) for me. I may go back and look at the results from some of the other assessments I've taken and see how I can incorporate them, but for now, I have something useful, meaningful, and intriguing for my clients and potential clients to get to know me better.
This week, I'm in Nashville on a recon mission. Hubby and I are looking at possibly relocating, and Nashville is one of the towns on our short list. We booked one of those extended stay hotel rooms with a full kitchen, so it feels as much like home as possible. Which means I have a sink full of dirty dishes every night after dinner. 🙂
In the few days I've been here, I've scheduled multiple meetings, including an impromptu connection with Tajci Cameron (international performing artist and creator of Waking Up In America - here's a pic of us from last night's Music City Roots show). I've also created worksheets for this week's Creative Freedom Apprenticeship, had some pool time with the fam, read two books, and done a good bit of driving to look at various neighborhoods.
In short, we're very busy and highly effective. My husband has been sleeping in, watching TV, and his anxiety is visibly lessened. The kid is relaxed and easy to manage. Even though we've got a lot on our plates, we're navigating the week with aplomb, and really enjoying our time together.
There's a joke I sometimes hear about how people seem to get everything done just before leaving for vacation. Parkinson’s Law reminds us that work expands to fill the available time. Which means if you've only got 45 minutes to get "everything" done before you hit the road for a 9-hour drive to Nashville, you'll find a way to cram one last plate in the dishwasher so the sink is empty when you get home.
How is it we manage to get so much more done in so little time? And more importantly, how can you channel that kind of efficiency on a daily basis - not just in the 45 minutes before you have to leave town?
In order to really capitalize on this kind of energy, you need to understand two "laws" of human potential: Parkinson's Law and Yerkes-Dodson Law.
In high school, most of my classes were pretty easy for me. I was one of those kids that didn't need to study much, and most projects could be completed in a day or two before the due date. Instead of methodically planning out an easy approach to completing the project over the course of three or four weeks, I'd spend one night figuring out what I was going to do, and the night or two before the due date finishing the project. Looking at the school habits of my teenager and his friends, I know I wasn't the only person to behave this way. But I didn't understand why until I was much older.
As a kid, there was always something more interesting, exciting, or fun to experience which subjugated homework towards the deadline. I was frequently found finishing homework on the bus ride to school, because the bus ride was boring, and there was nothing else to do. So that was the excuse I gave when people asked why I procrastinated. It seemed to be a great explanation, until I understood these two laws.
Parkinson's Law compresses or expands time like a Jedi mind trick. In essence, it's about focus. If you carry yourself as if you only have a bus ride to complete your homework, you'll get more of your homework done in a shorter period of time - even if you're not on the bus. As an adult, I've come to love using a timer. Not only has it helped me get a better handle on how much time it really takes me to accomplish a task, it's also put a little pressure on me to complete projects within the time alloted. I could take all day to draft copy for a sales page, but if I give myself 45 minutes, I get it done because I have "fearsome focus." That's a phrase I picked up from Dave Lakhani's book "How To Sell When Nobody's Buying." By locking down my attention to ONE thing for a period of time, focus is high. Plus, the small amount of "pressure" I put on myself to do the best I can in the shortest amount of time, increases my performance... which is where Yerkes-Dodson comes in.
While a lot of people have heard about Parkinson's Law, fewer are familiar with the Yerkes-Dodson law, which states that we need a certain amount of mental stimulation to prime the pump on getting things done. But only to a point. when things get too stressful, or we're overstimulated, we shut down and our ability to perform the task at hand decreases significantly.
In the above scenario, the timer gives me a constraint, and puts some "pressure" on me to perform - to get stuff done. The pressure creates enough mental stimulation for me to stay engaged with the task, but not so much pressure that my mind melts down and leaves me sobbing and rocking back and forth in the corner of my office.
For me, the timer is great because if I need more time, I can always add more - so there's "pressure" that I can control. But the threat of the "DING" happening before I've completed my project is just enough pressure to keep my mind stimulated and motivated. It's like a boss giving me a deadline. I've learned that setting my own deadlines doesn't always keep me engaged, but having an externally driven deadline (clients waiting for a call, program release dates) gives me enough motivation to keep things moving... to a point.
Too much pressure, and I crumble.
Ever had a meltdown when your boss is standing over your shoulder? Doing even the most simple task becomes frustrating and difficult when you're feeling too much stress or pressure. My son was watching an episode of Spongebob Squarepants where Squidward had challenged Spongebob to learn everything about providing a completely high-end dining experience. Spongebob ended up unlearning everything else - including his name. So when he was asked for his name by the patron Squidward was trying to impress, Spongebob brokedown in a pool of worthlessness because he couldn't remember his own name. The whole charade fell apart.
Like so many things in life, "pressure" and "stress" are relative. Some people thrive with lots of deadlines, while others crumble if you look at them sideways. The trick to putting the Yerkes-Dodson Law to work for you is to recognize which types/levels of stress are motivating and which are debilitating. When I'm working with clients in the Creative Freedom Apprenticeship, I emphasize regularly that you have to understand what works for YOU in YOUR specific situation. One man's stress is another man's stimulus.
If my timer didn't allow me the ability to re-set it, or when my 45 minutes was up someone came in with a red pen to tear apart my work, my results probably wouldn't nearly be as good. Just like when I get home from Nashville, knowing the sink is empty is what really matters. If half the dishes in the dishwasher didn't get clean, I don't care. But if my Mother-in-law called to say she was coming over for tea, I'd be falling all over myself to get the dishes re-washed before she got there (and probably break a few along the way).
Yes, that's my personal baggage talking there, but I hope you see the point.
Creative entrepreneurs can often agonize unnecessarily about their projects. We lay in anguish for far too long about minor tweaks that just slow everything down.
"my website isn't finished because..."
"the new album's on hold until..."
"I don't have the right/enough..."
While I'm not a big fan of fail fast and often, I do believe we can often do more in less time if we'd just stop tweaking. Sometimes it's a case of perfectionism. Many times, it's a lack of proper motivation and perspective.
Marie Forleo has used what I call the "Oprah incentive" as an example of how to accomplish things faster. She says that if Oprah called and asked for a 3 minute video within the hour you wouldn't procrastinate. You'd get off the stick and get stuff done.
Sadly, that's a superficial assessment. In some cases, yes, you'd flip out your video camera and do the best you can. Sometimes, though, the pressure to perform would be too great. You'd choke up, feel way too overwhelmed and yes, you would procrastinate, because there'd be too much pressure on you.
It's easy to say "suck it up buttercup" but there's a reason why it doesn't always work that way. (tweet this)
So while it's true we can all get more done in less time than we typically believe is possible, it's still important to understand your own level of preparedness, focus, and ability to handle stress and pressure. The more pressure you can/want to take, the easier it will be to double your productivity. But everyone has the ability to accomplish even a small increase in productivity and efficiency by taking advantage of Parkinson's and Yerkes-Dodson.
They're like the Wonder Twins of personal efficiency.
Here are some specific ways you can customize your own efficiency plan and accomplish more of what really matters in less time:
1. Apply Fearsome Focus
Remove distractions - even if it's only for 15-20 minutes at a time. Turn off the phone, the email, the doorbell, and let people know you can't be disturbed. If we can do it for important phone calls, we can do it for our important tasks. Barring a real emergency, don't let other people's priorities become your own. Remember, you train people how to treat you based on what they expect from you and what you've come to accept from them.
2. Clarity is King
Know what you're going after and don't let other things get in the way during your period of focus.
3. Play DUMB
The beauty of D.U.M.B. goals is that the size and scope doesn't matter. Whatever you want to accomplish needs to be Do-able, Understandable, Meaningful, and Believable for you... regardless of whether or not other people get it. Just because I can sit and focus for 45 minutes doesn't mean you can. So focus for 3 minutes, or 3 hours... whatever floats your boat.
4. Apply Optimal Pressure
While this one won't always work (sometimes someone else will impose their own set of pressures and deadlines on you), when you can find your balance point between getting stuff done and falling apart, you'll find your peak performance zone. Just remember: too much pressure and you'll explode; too little and you'll be cramming to get your homework done on the bus ride to school.
5. Check Your Thermostat
Getting stuff done is as much about your attitude as anything else. When I worked in the high-pressure automotive industry, I juggled lots of projects every day with relative ease. Once I moved away from that environment and slowed my tempo, I recognized that I couldn't handle that much pressure all the time (nor did I want to). Likewise, when I go into project launch mode, I know that a certain amount of extra stress and pressure comes with the territory. That means your stress thermostat will likely change over time. Be present to and aware of that. Be willing to be where your at - without comparing yourself to someone else.
Remember, success is a destination and you are already there. What are the tools, strategies, and concepts that help you be most efficient and effective in the world? Share your ideas in the comments and let's help each other do more of what really matters.
*SMOOCH*
That's my official goodbye kiss to the first quarter of the year.
How'd it go for you? If you've been through my Dreamblazing program, you've probably already reviewed your milestones and re-assessed your targets for this quarter. Good on ya!
Did some of your goals fall off the radar, or get completely kicked to the curb (mine did!)? Are you on track (or ahead of schedule) for others?
In a recent post, I shared that by the end of January, nearly 35% of Americans have kissed their resolutions goodbye. This far into the year, some entrepreneurs have thrown their plans out the window entirely. Where do you stand?
One of the biggest pieces of advice I consistently offer to my clients is to focus your goals and objectives around YOU: things you can control, measure, or impact. It's challenging to set and attain goals that rely on someone else. But if you're driving toward DUMB goals, chances are good you'll have less flying out the window over the course of your year.
In the spirit of transparency, I thought it might be helpful to share with you my Q1 milestones and report on my results. I use the approach I developed in my own Dreamblazing program and define my milestones based on my 5 Key Areas of Success (Faith, Family, Fitness, Fortune, and Freedom).
Shall we?
FaithThis year, my faith goal revolves around my self-worth and how I see myself in the world. To that end, I've built a strategic plan to reach out to and connect with people I admire. One such connection has led to my nomination for the 2015 Rulebreaker awards! I also have been working to strengthen connections with friends and colleagues in my existing circle. My mastermind groups, my accountability partner, and my closest friends have all been instrumental in helping me navigate Q1 with grace, peace, and ease.
I'd say I'm on track and doing better than anticipated in this arena.
FamilyMy definition of family is probably more loose than some, since my blood relations aren't as plentiful as they once were. Because of that, I've been creating my own family, as it were, by making new peer connections. This is kind of a double-dip from my "Faith" goal, but it's also more about new people, versus cultivating the relationships I already have.
The first quarter of 2015 saw some big and unplanned changes in our home. My oldest, now 18, has passed his road test and is now driving (God help us all). He's had his own ups and downs over the past few months, but seems to be stabilizing with some part-time work and finishing up his schooling. This is a huge relief for me, as I am beyond ready to turn over the role of "Worried Mom" to some other deserving woman with teenagers.
The end of March also marked my youngest's 9th birthday - which means we've got all the birthdays on lock for the year. *wipes brow* Whew! But he's been having an up and down semester at school. So we've been navigating some emotional issues for him on that front.
FitnessWhen family stress increases, my emotional eating trigger kicks in, and it takes even more focus and commitment to stay on track. Needless to say, my already ambitious goal of dropping 16 pounds got revised when I was sick for the entire month of February. That's NEVER happened to me before, and dealing with "feeling behind" in my projects only fueled the emotional eating fire. While I didn't hit my revised 8 pound goal, I DID manage to hone in on a couple of trouble foods (gluten, dairy, and soy). Once I got clear, and started steering myself away from them (harder than you might think) I found myself edging closer to that goal. So for this quarter, I'm sticking with my goal of another 8 pounds off by July.
My mental fitness goal for the year is to attend one learning conference. That did not apply to this quarter, since the conference I want to attend isn't until later in the year. Not one to stagnate, however, this quarter saw me doing the research for a new book I'm working on, and participating in a few community groups on Facebook. I've been learning a lot and looking forward to sharing even more during my free monthly webinars.
FortuneI'm known for setting rather lofty income goals (though, I'm very prudent with my income projections). Due in part to a month-long illness, but also because of a shift in priorities, my Q1 income fell WAY short of my milestone goal. With the shift in priorities, I was not caught by surprise. In fact, the only reason I didn't revise my milestone was because I wanted to see how close I could get anyway.
Not. Even. Close.
The good news is that every transaction was profitable. Using the Profit First approach, I was able to keep everything on the positive side of the ledger - actually with better results than I did this same time last year. My quarterly profit distribution was also higher than the last quarter of 2014, which was a nice surprise, since it felt like I did less business in this quarter. I made a point to find ease in my business this quarter, which is partly why it felt like I was working less. I also got the delayed payments from Amazon for my book re-launch last November/December, which contributed to the increase in income without added effort. Yay leverage!
What else? I launched an entirely new business development for creative entrepreneurs, and started the process of re-designing my direct sales training program for a late spring launch. I also re-vamped my coaching offerings to make them more accessible and meaningful. With two other projects and a book in the works, I'm fairly confident that this quarter's shortfall will be recovered in the coming months.
FreedomMy favorite thing about this Key Area of Success is that it means so many different things to different people. For some, it's the ability to come and go as you please, or the financial freedom to travel, send your kid to college, or whatever. For me, Freedom is about being able to show up fully as myself (warts, sparkles, and all) and being proud of how I'm showing up in the world - as both a business coach and a musician. I'm proud to say I've been booked for numerous (PAID) private events this year, and my client list is growing. WOO HOO!
I started 2015 with a goal of finishing my album. The 300 songs project began as a means of honing my skills and getting back on track. Now that we're about 100 songs in, I'm ready to compile a dozen or so of the best tracks and share it with the world in a more finalized and formal package. The hard part right now is just picking the tracks (I'm open to suggestions). Des has already done some incredible work on the keyboard parts, so now it's just about me measuring up vocally and creating a package people feel good about investing in. I'm on track here - maybe even ahead of schedule, which is a wonderful thing to be able to say about a project I've been working on for so long.
Because this goal is nearing completion, I've shifted my focus to planning a possible relocation. Me and the fam are taking a recon trip to Nashville to scout the area, connect with some colleagues, and see what's what. If it looks good, my goal is to be moved by July. If not, we'll stay put until we have more clarity. This is the shift in focus I mentioned earlier - and it's drawn a bit of my personal resources (time, energy, focus) this quarter. With the recon trip upon us, I'll have less resources committed to this project during this quarter, and more in Q3 if we decide to make the move.
It's not always rainbows, sunshine, and Uni-Kitties around here.
There's work - lots of it. Not everything goes according to plan, but that's not what plans are for. I think it was Eisenhower who said "in preparing for battle I have always found that plans are useless, but planning is indispensable." While I don't necessarily think of business as a battle, I couldn't agree more about the need for planning - even if things don't go according to plan.
There's also fun -a good bit of it. We took a trip to Illinois last month and had a blast at the Lego Discovery Center (that's my 9 year old hangin' with Lego Einstein). We've also traveled a bit around the state, and enjoyed many evenings out with friends and family. In addition to our upcoming recon trip to Nashville, we've got a bunch of other activities in the works for the year.
I don't share this report to brag, but rather to show you exactly how I've built my business (and my annual plan) around what matters most to me. By using the 5 Key Areas of Success and my Dreamblazing program I get CRYSTAL clear on what really matters to me and then do my daily prioritizing with The PEACE System to make a strategic plan and move closer to those goals.
Moving closer to what really matters to you... novel concept, eh? (tweet this)
This is just one way of building a business around what really matters to you. It's the way that works for me. I've used it for more than five years now, and it's the first thing I've ever managed to stick with! Many of my clients have found use in it as well - but I admit it's not right for everyone. Most planners are too rigid for me. I needed more flexibility to work with my creative moods and the typical unexpected happenings that come along with having kids. I needed to develop a framework - like a jungle gym - that I could "swing from" and use in a way that worked for me and what was going on in my life and work on any given day.
How do you plan and prioritize your year? What do you do when your plan goes off the rails? How do you course correct? What are the tools you absolutely love? Share your ideas in the comments!
It's report card time around here. My youngest is struggling in gym class. Sadly, I've seen it before with his older brother.
"Won't even attempt new activities," the report card reads.
So hubby and I sat down with our 8 year old to find out what's going on.
"I can't do it." He said. "I'm not good at it."
It can be hard to try something new. And even harder to be GOOD at it - especially when you've never done it before. That doesn't mean you can't do it.
Try telling that to an 8 year old... oh wait, we did!
...what you really mean is that you've never done it well before.
Like when you say you can't sing. Yes. you can. Anyone with a functional voice box can sing. Even my husband, who can't carry a tune in a lead-lined bucket can sing SOME songs. You just have to find the right ones. Maybe you aren't Pavarotti, but even Madonna doesn't sound like Madonna (thanks, autotune).
So often we use the words "I can't" as code for "I'm not good enough" or "I don't know how." As we talked with our kid, it became apparent this was a case of being afraid to look foolish or be wrong in public. It was also a case of not being willing to ask for help to learn how to do something (or do it better).
Curse the English language!
We have gotten used to so much linguistic short hand, that we're actually programming our brains to believe something isn't possible, when, in actuality, it is. As entrepreneurs, we need to reclaim our truth and speak it without shorthand.
"I don't feel comfortable doing this, because I'm not as good as I would like to be."
"I don't know how to do it (or do it well). Can you help me?"
I've shortened my learning curve immensely in life and business by asking for help, yet, I'm the same person that still struggles with asking for help with things I think I "should" know already.
"The Shoulds" are a comfortable state of paralysis that most of us visit from time to time. It goes like this:
"I should really work out more." But you don't.
"I should really look for a new job." But you don't.
"My mother in law says I should spend more time reading to my kids." But you don't.
"My clients think I should offer evening appointments." But you don't.
And my all-time favorite: "I should already know this by now." But you don't.
In short, "The Shoulds" are a laundry list of to-do's that you have yet to accomplish - either because you don't really want to do them, or because you haven't yet figured out HOW to do them. It's a limbo-land that keeps you from taking action, and only diminishes our value as humans an entrepreneurs.
It's normal. we all go there from time to time. The trick is to keep our visits short. Otherwise, we're creating unrealistic expectations of ourselves. When we have an expectation of our capabilities that doesn't match our reality, two things happen:
Rather than root out the cause (living in "The Shoulds"), we keep beating ourselves up - over and over - until something happens. And that "something" isn't always helpful. If we're lucky, we've got a support system to help us see we're in "The Shoulds" and can point it out to us. But even that's not going to help you if you keep beating yourself up saying "Dangit! I knew I was in The Shoulds! I keep doing that! Gah!"
What are those "beliefs" that are conditioning you to stay paralyzed? How are they holding you back? What would happen if you looked at it as if the opposite was true?
What if you shouldn't already know this by now?
What if you shouldn't offer evening appointments? What if you need to find clients who prefer your current schedule?
That's the other type of "can't" we're talking about: when something really isn't possible within the understanding of human experience at this moment.
1,000 years ago, man couldn't fly or use the Internet. They hadn't been invented yet! So to tell someone to hop online and check your email would probably get you blank stares. "I can't" is an appropriate response in that case.
But the more accurate response for most anything today is "I don't know how yet."
Keep all your priorities in alignment while growing your business?
"I don't know how yet."
Make six, seven, or eight, figures (as PROFIT, not just income).
"I don't know how yet."
You get the idea.
Yes, being willing to acknowledge that you don't already know everything means there's a slight possibility that you'll be a target for ridicule. But that's rare. More often,what happens by saying "I don't know how yet" is that you open doors to new learning, new experiences, new connections, colleagues, friends - and yes, clients - by being willing to learn how.
That was the lesson my 8 year old had to learn. That yes, sometimes the mean kids will make fun of how he throws the dodge ball, but by asking for help, he'll get better at throwing the dodge ball and be able to bean the mean kids out during the game.
Perhaps that's not the best way to illustrate that lesson, but I think you understand my point. Sometimes, we need to "bean" the nay-sayers in our lives, and the only way to do that effectively is to get really good at what they're telling us we can't do.
Even if we are our own nay-sayer. Sometimes I need a good beaning, myself (just ask my husband!).
Where are you saying "can't" when you're really living in "The Shoulds? What can you do today to get clarity around a particular "should" and either decide to take action or decide to let it go? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
If you're ready to get help with moving out of "The Shoulds" consider a Next Steps session to help you get some clarity.
Back in November, as I do every year, I made my book "The Secret Watch" available for a limited time at a special price. The first year, I just wanted to see how many people I could share it with, so I said I'd do a back flip if 1000 people would download it on kindle. We gave away over 1000 copies of the book, which prompted my first lesson in doing a back flip (more of a back "flop" really, but I digress). This past November, I wanted to see if we could hit best-seller status on Amazon.
I worked with Winnie Anderson, a best-selling author and the Sherlock Holmes of business development, who has also been my accountability partner now for more than 2 years. Since most everyone I knew already had a copy of the book, I wasn't holding my breath. Winnie suggested we do a 99 cent sale anyway, just to see what would happen.
I nearly lost my mind when "The Secret Watch" hit MULTIPLE best-seller lists in both the US and the UK. Two continents! Color me humbled and proud.
Yes. Even a coach needs coaching, mentoring, and support from time to time!
So when my friend and client, Pam Belding, mentioned that she might want to re-launch her book, well, it was a no-brainer to recommend Winnie.
Pam's book, You're The Boat, was inspired by her own emotional roller coaster. At one point a few years ago, her husband's job sent the family to Brazil for a year, which meant packing up the entire family, homeschooling their son, and navigating a foreign country... not to mention the regular day-to-day activities of a wife and mom.
In an overwhelming state of frustration, Pam asked "no one in particular" for guidance, and the image of the boat was born.
Her book trailer describes it better than I can:
If you're ready to end the overwhelm, and chart a course for yourself that you actually look forward to living, I highly recommend you register for Pam's teleclass this Friday. You'll hear Winnie interview Pam about the different "systems" of the boat analogy, and how you can implement them in your own life. Plus, she's sharing some of the behind-the scenes details about how she created her book, lessons learned, and other great stuff. You'll also get the scoop on how you can get your own Kindle copy for less than a dollar.
Can we make her book a best-seller on two continents, also?
Pam's boat analogy has only improved my life. And I don't just say that because Pam was a client. She's also become a good friend and part of the "crew" of my boat. It's a quick, informative read that will have you seeing your world in a new way, and help you relate to the world with more meaning and joy. I have no doubt that after Friday, Pam will be able to add "best selling author" to her title.
Creating a best-selling book is as much about the marketing as it is about the book itself. Yes, you need to be a skilled writer, but you also need to "dig your well before you're thirsty" and become a skilled connector, too. It's about sharing your story with your fans as well as reaching out to friends and colleagues who will help spread the word about the Great Work you're putting out into the world. That's what Pam and Winnie asked of me, and I was more than happy to say yes. This book is a perfect fit for my audience - people who are trying to forge their own path to the Noble Empire and inspired life of their dreams.
Life isn't like Ray Kinsella in "Field of Dreams" - you know... "If you build it, he will come."
As creative entrepreneurs, we can't just put something out into the world and trust that the right people will find it. As nice as that would be, it just doesn't work that way. Heck, even Ray had a LOT of work to do to let people know about his field and save his farm from bankruptcy.
With confidence in our work and courage in our hearts we can stand in the truth of who we are.
(Click to tweet)
With clarity, confidence, and courage, we can ask for the help we need, and share our Great Work with the world in alignment with who we are and what we're about in the world. I've experienced first-hand the insights of both Winnie and Pam. If they have their fingerprint on a project, I want to be involved. Sharing this event with you was the best way I knew to do just that. I hope you'll join us!
FTC NOTICE: FYI, the Federal Trade Commission requires that I inform you the only compensation I get for sharing this story with you are the few pennies Amazon pays me when you click a link in this post and make a purchase there. If you'd rather deny me my "mad money", just visit Pam's site and make your purchase there. It's a touching and inspiring book!
She was sprawled out on the sidewalk, screaming bloody murder. The bike - a garage sale special (meaning there was no padding on the all-metal seat) - was still somehow attached to her.
She and I lived close to each other, and were about the same age, but I had no real interest in bikes when I was six. I wanted her to play dolls with me, but no. She was a tomboy through and through. And she really wanted to learn how to ride a bike.
Her parents bought her this scrap metal bike with what little money they had, took it home, cleaned it up with a bit of red spray paint, and after letting it dry, gave it to her.
She wasted no time. She hopped on (no training wheels), and took off down the neighborhood. I lived at the end of the street, so most of the kids used our house as the turnaround. I waited for her there.
She was no stranger to bikes. Most of the neighborhood kids had them and let her ride when parents weren't looking. Some with training wheels, some without. When this little girl climbed on her very own bike, she was a natural.
Until...
Still straddling the metal heap of a bicycle, but flat on her back, the girl was screaming bloody murder. Apparently, she hit a sidewalk bump where the concrete was broken up and the metal seat jammed her... in the... well, you know.
She lost control, the bike fell over, and she was sort of tangled up in it.
So much screaming. So much crying. I kept looking for blood, but didn't see any. Maybe she broke her leg or something. I thought for sure her folks were going to end up taking her to the hospital. Even her brother - who normally ignored his baby sister - set out to figure out if she was okay... or at least get the kid to stop crying and screaming.
Once they calmed her down, they realized that beyond the need for a padded seat, the only thing that was really bruised was her pride. So her father, in all his infinite wisdom, encouraged her to "stop crying like a baby and get back on the damn bike."
The little girl obediently climbed back on - after setting the bike back up and giving it a firm kick to show it who was boss. This time, instead of riding up and down the street, she practiced in my gravel driveway. She practiced turning, braking, and navigating the bike on "a bumpy road" as she called it. She even managed to teach herself to ride "standing up" so that the seat didn't get the best of her again.
She fell a few more times (gravel wipeouts - OUCH!), but under the watchful eye of her parents, she managed to get back up without shedding a single tear.
By dinnertime, she was racing one of the neighbor kids, giggling and playing as if she was a cycling pro.
Eat your heart out, Lance Armstrong!
A colleague of mine once shared a similar equation with me. She was using it to talk about the power of irresistible presence, and how, when these three elements are combined, you are more able to show up in a magnetic and authentic way.
The more I looked at her equation, the more truth I saw.
Success in anything can ONLY come when we have these three elements in proper measure. Without all three, you'll fall short in some way. Don't believe me? Let's look and see:
One of the most important things I've ever done for myself was develop The PEACE System. It helps me have crystal clarity on my priorities for any given day. Coupled with my Dreamblazing program, I've created my perfect solution to knowing exactly what matters most in any given moment. I have total CLARITY on what to do, and why.
After she fell, that little girl had clarity that her bike had a few issues, and that she needed more practice riding with it before she took it out onto the broken sidewalks of our ghetto neighborhood.
But clarity alone only helps you see the bicycle. It doesn't give you insight into how to actually ride it. Clarity says "I need to learn how to ride the bike." Confidence says "This is how one rides a bike."
Big difference.
You know what that means right? No? Here's the Urban Dictionary definition. CONFIDENCE comes from this space of knowing. When you've got clarity, you can make some decisions about what to do, and what not to do. You can even help other people make decisions based on what you know. As a coach, I am lucky enough to work with clients that need to make changes in their lives and business, but if all I did was spout off my knowledge, or tell them what to do, I'd be nothing more than a "sexual intellectual" that no one wants to work with. What's more, if I left my clients in that space, they'd never make any forward progress.
Confidence is the by-product of practice. Practice can only happen in a safe space. Like learning to ride a bike, there's always a fear of falling down, but training wheels and a steady hand on the back of the seat can make all the difference between riding down the street and never getting on the bike in the first place.
Confidence is built when the action you take is positively reinforced. When that little girl got back up on the bike, her parents stood by (safe space) and encouraged her progress. When her progress was reinforced, it gave her the confidence to know that she could ride this bike.
That little girl knew she could ride a bike - she'd done it before. She just needed to figure out how to handle the particular quirks of this bike. She quickly realized the seat would be an issue, so she needed to learn how to ride standing up. That would pretty much solve her "cushion" problem.
But knowing is only half the battle (GI Joe!)... or in this case a third of the battle. Because all the clarity & confidence in the world won't help you if you don't have the courage to do something with what you know.
For most people, if you've got courage, you've got confidence. COURAGE is the active piece to the "knowing" of Confidence. But sadly, people act with "courageous stupidity" all the time. You hear stories about someone accidentally setting their house on fire because they tried to kill a spider with a torch. Crazed drivers struck by road rage who speed up as someone tries to pass them - only to find out that person was a cop.
We all have something we're fighting for, something we believe in, something that in our bones we know to be true (that we'll defend to the bitter end). But without clarity (of what an appropriate response would be, for example), our courageous acts come off just plain arrogant or stupid.
This little girl could have thrown the bike to the ground in disgust and refused to ride it. After all, she "knew" she could ride a bike, and this one wasn't behaving properly. But because she also had clarity that this was the only bike her parents could afford, if she really wanted her very own bike to ride, she'd have to act differently.
Clarity says "I need to learn how to ride the bike." Confidence says "This is how one rides a bike." Courage says "This is me, riding this damn bike."
I'm leading a free workshop on Saturday March 14, 2015 to help you have more clarity, confidence, and courage in your life and business. If you're ready to learn how to create your own safe space to develop confidence and courage in your life and work, I hope you'll join me for this special, one-time-0nly workshop. You can learn more and register here. I'll also be sharing more about my Creative Freedom Apprenticeship and telling you how you could earn a scholarship to attend at no cost to you.
Every hero has values to which he clings. Superman had "truth, justice, and the American way" while MacGyver believed his mind was more effective than guns for solving problems. Some values are more honorable than others, but you can't be a hero without values worth dying for.
Not a concept that's widely embraced in the business world. Not too many corporations that I'm aware of would lay down their lives for the work they do (or the workers that do it). The very nature of a corporation is to generate a profit for shareholders - and sometimes doing what's right may mean NOT generating profit for shareholders.
So is it possible to be heroic in business? Absolutely. Because doing the right thing is always in style, even if the shareholders disagree.
Men and women of action always have a choice. We can choose to value principles over profit, people above things, and not be a martyr in the process. We can do what's right, knowing that the long-term reward is far greater.
And no, I'm not talking about "eternal rewards" or heaven here. I'm talking about the tough decision to close a business segment that's losing money, and shifting those people and resources into areas where better work can be done. I'm talking about the tough decision to NOT fire good people if they can be used elsewhere, even if it means a short term cashflow pinch (not crisis, mind you. That's different.).
I'm talking about having values worth dying for.
When "the world" tells you how things "should" be, even thought your gut tells you otherwise, and your values guide you in a different direction, do you cave? Or do you choose to be the action hero?
Will you take a short term beating for a long term gain?
So many people will do anything to avoid even the slightest amount of pain. Yet, pain is a part of growth. Discomfort & uncertainty abound in entrepreneurial circles. You can't avoid it if you want to grow. And yet, time and again I see people take what appears to be an "easy" way out, only to find themselves stuck in "the fire swamp" because they didn't trust their gut.
Remember, heroes are not above getting bloodied up a bit - so long as the fight is in alignment with their values.
As you examine your own business, think about these questions:
If you can't answer these questions, you've got your work cut out for you. It would be nice if you could stop and get absolute clarity on this before you do anything else. However, I recognize that's not always practical.
Remember, this isn't about issuing a "vision statement" or some other piece of equally benign paper. Show, don't tell. "Be the change you want to see" and all that.
Take a few minutes to share with me (via email or as a comment on this post) any/all of the following:
A. What do YOU value in life and business?
B. What did you learn when you asked others what they think you value?
C. Based on what you know about me, what do you think I value?
I'm sharing my results in a later post. I'm looking forward to seeing what happens!
Anyone can be a hero for a day.
An above-and-beyond gesture. An extra dose of good-will. Being in the right place at the right time.
Anyone can have a day like that, do something awesome, and be a hero for a day or two.
True heroes walk the walk, even when it's difficult. They do the right thing when there's NOT a profit to be made. Sometimes, they do the right thing when the wrong thing appears to be far more profitable in the moment.
They're concerned about eternity, not about right now.
When I say "eternity," I'm not necessarily talking "heaven or hell", religion, or anything of that sort.
I'm talking about being able to wake up each morning, look yourself in the eye, and know that you've made the most of yesterday, with a commitment to doing your darnedest to make today even better.
Action heroes get banged up, scratched and dented, and take a few beatings from time to time. They get a little dirty, bloodied up, and still they rise, because they know it's not about the short-term gain, it's about the end game.
Who's going to be at your funeral? What are they going to say about you? How will you be remembered? Will you be remembered at all?
Sarah Robinson once wrote about what I call the "Hero of Now," the hero of right this moment. The flash in the pan that looks good on paper, seems to be on a hot streak, or appears to have some of the success you desire. This "flash in the pan" can be pretty easy on the eyes. In fact, sometimes we get mesmerized and then we're stunned when that flash turns out to be of little substance, or simply doesn't have the long-term value that makes them a true hero.
I've been there at least eleventy-jillion times in my own life and career (give or take a few jillion). You see someone that's doing their thing and it's hard NOT to notice. In fact, our brains are hard-wired to pay attention to something in which we're interested. The Reticular Activating System (RAS) in your brain is what causes you to notice every silver Jeep Liberty on the road after you decide that's the kind of car you want to buy next... or ignore the voice of every other screaming kid at the McDonald's playland except yours.
Here's an excerpt from what Sarah noted:
I thought part of a leader’s job was to search for unnoticed diamonds in the rough and start to polish them. I thought true leaders never, ever forgot that they were once unnoticed and that someone reached out to help them become who they are.
Apparently I was wrong.
When I see “leaders” huddled together in a self-congratulatory group (I’ve even heard of an event where the leaders sit in a roped off area, inaccessible to the “common” attendees), it makes me question any aspiration I might have to someday be among them.
I know not all experts and leaders are like this and that gives me the hope I need to keep going.
Speaking as the kid in high school that was the music geek with TWO 6th hour classes my senior year, I know the uncool factor, and wore it well for a while.
Just like in high school, those would-be heroes are quite often real-life zeros once the playing field is leveled.
I can't tell you how many kids from my past - that thought I was uncool, unworthy, un____, now approach me with some kind of "wow! Look at you!" amazement.
They know I've "arrived" in a way they never did. But I'm still striving, and they're stuck wearing the blue apron at the local big box store.
So too are many of those internet flashes in the pan that were once riding high now facing their own issues: health issues, family troubles, bankruptcies, divorces, lawsuits, and other not so pretty consequences of doing their thing for momentary success, instead of building for the long term.
People talk. Your audience sees you even if they don't always say so. Today's hero, if they continue to demonstrate heroic qualities, will continue to be a hero decades from now. If today's hero runs off at the mouth and ignores the music geeks too often, they end up fat, balding, and with no prospects...
Not that I speak from experience or anything (hee hee).
Think about music: Billy Joel is a legend. Starland Vocal Band? Not so much. Their one hit, "Afternoon Delight," was the biggest-selling single of 1976. They even won a Grammy, but by 1981, they had called it quits.
Do you want to be a one-hit wonder or a lifetime achievement award winner? Both of them may win a Grammy, but who will be remembered for their enduring contribution?
It's hard to ignore a flash in the pan... until the Hope Diamond comes along. (Tweet This)
When you look at your business, your life, are you building something that lasts? Are you a true hero to the folks you serve, the colleagues that seek you out? Are you "The Hope Diamond" of your industry, or just another flash in the pan?
Sometimes it's hard to know for sure. We've all watched someone skyrocket to the top of their industry, stay there for a few years, and then get "shot down" by some kind of incident, controversy, or some other bad PR issue.
They stand the test of time - despite their shortcomings. True business heroes are around for decades or centuries, not months or years. True business heroes continue to learn and grow, develop their network, and rarely rest on their laurels.
True heroes adapt, are agile, and realize that getting beat up is part of standing up for what's right. Just because a company is making billions today doesn't mean it has the wherewithal to be in a future edition of "Built to Last". There are plenty of companies (and people) that started with a future just as bright as Facebook, and ended up extinct.
What makes a true hero? Who are your heroes in life and business? Is there a secret ingredient? I'm guessing you have some thoughts about it. Share them in the comments, and let's start a conversation!
[AUTHOR'S NOTE: This article originally appeared one of my old blogs in March, 2011. I revised it for re-publication here, since I felt it deserved a little resurrection.]
"That's impossible!"
I can't count the number of times I've heard that phrase in my life. It's usually preceded by "You can't do that!", or followed by "Why don't you try something else?"
Meh.
I sometimes think that when God gave me the choice to be born, I told him to give me the absolute hardest path to success - just so I could prove to people it could be done.
Then again, I also used to dream of being a mermaid.
I have, however, always been a bit of an overachiever. I'm the kind of person that says "Oh yeah? WATCH me!" when someone says "you can't..." I've taken trips, been in programs, raised kids, and generally lived my life unconventionally.
It's only been recently that I've learned the art of quitting. I was always the person that flatly refused to give up. I worked a job where my paycheck bounced - twice -before I took the hint that I should probably move on. I've gotten better at seeing the signals that tell me it's time to move on. On the whole, though, I'm still a tenacious, relentless being. I don't quit just because something's hard.
In my years of experience, I've managed to see my way through a lot of "really hard" stuff. I experienced the joy of living on welfare, abuse, racism, and more - all before I graduated high school (with honors, thank you very much). I grew up in Flint, Michigan, the most dangerous city in America, for heaven's sake! I think that automatically earns me some kind of combat medal.
I left school and forged my own path. Then I got pregnant and did the single mom thing for a while. My 20's had their share of... well, me being in my 20's!
Then, I got married to a man who's had to deal with his own emotional baggage. I mothered my eldest through a lot of troubled times. My youngest was involved in his babysitter's conviction for child sexual misconduct. I built a company, closed it, and laid off my one employee. And that's just the last 10 years of my life!
Saying all this isn't about shock value. It's not even about bragging. Yeah, I've been through some tough stuff, but so have many other people I know and love.
This is really about staying power. Grit. Stick-to-it-iveness, and being willing to gut it out when things get really really HARD.
Because "impossible" isn't the same as "really hard."
Impossible, as originally defined, means "not able to occur, exist, or be done." If it's impossible, it's simply not possible.
But Napoleon Hill said "Anything the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can be achieved."
Now, good old Mr. Hill didn't say it would be easy. He just said it can be done. It's possible.
It's possible to fly, to plumb the depths of the sea, use touch fasteners to "tie" shoes, and chat with friends in other countries in real time. If you wanted to do any of those things 200 years ago, it would have seemed impossible. But the truth is, it would have been really REALLY hard... especially if you tried to do it all by yourself.
But someone eventually developed materials that made submarines and airplanes possible, "moving pictures" a reality, and velcro a staple in my kid's shoe closet. All the raw materials existed 200 years ago, but they hadn't been put together yet. It took a series of chemists starting in the late 1700's and early 1800's to figure out the polymers that would eventually give us Velcro in the 1950's.
It takes a village, yo.
When I was 21, and pregnant (more…)