Hope Is Not A Strategy (Part Four)
Yesterday, we discussed living what you believe. Today, we talk about superheroes and the childhood dreams we may have left behind when we “grew up”.
This could get messy.
So @Sarahrobinson tweets about her son’s super powers. Then my pals @LIPDesign and @DanaReeves get into the conversation, which ultimately leads me to the “distracted” tweet I shared a couple of days ago. The crux of the convo was that Sarah’s kid was using his special abilities, and she, as an adult, didn’t feel as though she had the same skills in her present evolution. I believe the hashtag she used was #themomomentsIfeeillequippedtobehismom.
I think it’s safe to say we’ve all been there as adults. But it’s our own darn fault.
And it’s time things changed.
We walk around so consumed by “worldly” stuff – to borrow a biblical term. Bills, friends’ drama, family drama, our drama…
Drama drama drama! Save it for somebody else’s Momma!
I’m not saying we shouldn’t deal with that “stuff” that pops up in our lives. We definitely should. And we should ask for help when we can’t deal with it ourselves.
What I AM saying is that we use that drama as an excuse. A crutch. We let ourselves get “distracted” from our original dreams.
When we wore Wonder Woman Underoos, and knew we were invincible. When we tied Dad’s bathrobe around our neck and tried to jump off the garage roof. When we dared to believe in the stuff that really mattered: our dreams and the things we wanted to be about in the world.
When we were kids – like Joan of Arc – we were loyal to our dreams, our ambitions and the beliefs we held dear. Even in impoverished communities, little girls still dream of being princesses and living a life of “happily ever after”. Little boys still dream of “making big bucks” or “being a fireman” and “saving the world”.
To be frank, our world could use a little saving right now. Mostly from the so-called “grown ups”
So many of those would-be firefighters, teachers, doctors and princesses traded in their dreams for a 9-5 at the liquor store, not because they couldn’t do it. But because they didn’t see the patterns, and got distracted into a new pattern of “baby daddy momma drama” and wound up flipping burgers, or at the local stop-and-rob.
The simple fact is that for most of us that aren’t living out our happily-ever-after end game, there comes a point when you have to stop blaming everyone but yourself and decide: “Is this really the end game I want for myself?”
Maybe if we showed our daughters that in order to become a princess, they’ve got to have a smaller end game of meeting a prince (it does happen). Maybe if we encouraged our kids to save the world, we’d have a few more like Saint Joan.
And, perhaps along the way, they’d decide that it’s more fun to be president, or write books, or pursue a different dream.
Instead, they’re scrubbing the whole idea of having a dream in the first place.
Scratch that. They’re scrubbing the whole idea of LIVING their dream. They still cling to their dreams like Lola, the showgirl in Barry Manilow’s “Copacabana”: Bitter. Maybe even remorseful. Loaded down with regret and perhaps anger. Sitting there with faded feathers, remembering what could have been.
Is THAT really the end game you want for yourself? Are you still clinging to “hope” as a strategy for getting your happily ever after? Living with a lottery ticket mentality.
My husband says you can’t win if you don’t play the game.
My Mom said the answer’s always no if you don’t ask.
Joan said live what you believe.
I say ask, with hope, backed by a belief in what you’re end game is. That’s where we’ll pick up our super hero mantle again.
And with it, our dreams.
Read MoreHope Is Not A Strategy (Part Two)
Warning: this gets kind of deep. Just sayin’.
Yesterday, I ended the beginning of this loop by encouraging you to ask for what you really need.
How’s that workin’ for ya?
No doubt, there are a handful of you reading this that didn’t get around to asking for anything, right?
Some of you just don’t DO that kind of thing. Maybe you’re not even sure what you need.
So let’s continue today with a discussion on finding the patterns.
red, blue, green
Red, Blue, Green
REd, BLue, GReen
RED, BLUe, GREen
What comes next in the pattern?
The answer could be:
RED, BLUE, GREEn
rED, BLUE, GREEn
red, blue, green
red, BLUE, GREEn
At this point, we don’t really know for certain.
Why? Because we haven’t seen the full cycle.
We don’t know what the end of the cycle is. And for as much as we might think we know, the only person who really knows, is the one who designed the pattern. Only that designer knows with certainty, what the next step is in the pattern.
If your answer was “rED, BLUE, GREEn” then this designer says you were correct. 
What does this mean for you?
It means you’re looking in the wrong place for the answer. You’re trying to piece together the puzzle without knowledge of what I call “the end game”. That phrase takes on all kinds of connotations, but for me, it’s simply this:
The end game is the final destination. The arrival or achievement of the goal.
Sunset. A million dollars. Losing 100 pounds. A 5,000-piece jigsaw puzzle.
It’s quantifiable. Something you can know with certainty when you’ve hit (or missed) the mark.
That’s the end game.
My contention is that everything has an end game.
Life is the ultimate end game.
Until you know what your end game is, you can’t begin to identify the pattern that applies to your situation.
If you can’t figure out the end game, your scope is too big. At least in this moment, right now, it’s too big. Pick a smaller end game.
Find something you can manage. Even if it’s as simple as getting a cup of water.
Now, find the patterns, the cycles, the natural steps that have to happen in order to reach the end game.
Get out of you chair and head to the cupboard. Get the cup. Cross to the faucet. Turn on the water. Place the cup under the water and fill. Move the cup to your lips and drink.
It’s a predictable pattern we take for granted every day of our lives. Yet many, who don’t have clean water, or a cup to drink from, or the mobility to drink for themselves, would love to figure out this pattern so that they could reach their own end game.
Instead, their end game has to be smaller: finding a source for drinkable water, getting help to feed themselves, etc.
The same goes for you.
I’m not saying stop dreaming so big – God knows I do!
I’m saying keep the dreams, and find your end game – that thing you CAN figure out.
Then ask with hope, hustle, and do what you gotta do to make it to the end game.
Read More
When Things Get Tough
First, my apologies for being out of touch, but I believe you deserve an explanation as to what’s going on over here at my offices.
A few weeks ago, I wrote a guest post for JulieAnne Jones’ blog about what to do when things get tough in your business. In it, I offer six tips for navigating tough times successfully. One of those is to be honest with your “tribe” when things aren’t perfect. So here goes…
You may or may not have already heard, but we did, in fact, cancel the live event that I had planned for this weekend.
The Renaissance Mom Experience was to be one of those “powerful, life changing events” – leaving a big impact on each of the attendees. At this point, I believe we have refunded everyone. If I missed you, please contact my team.
We’re still planning to do something in terms of a virtual event. That will begin on Sunday, August 29. If you are on the event notification list, you’ll learn more soon enough.
But in the meantime, I’m putting out all kinds of fires at headquarters. So many unexpected “emergencies” have developed (from cancelling the event and other things), that I’m doing all I can to keep my head on straight this week.
Like finding out that the IRS has fouled up every payroll tax filing for me for the past YEAR. So now we’re digging through the archives to clean up THEIR mess (Bonnie, if you’re reading this, don’t worry. Your payroll tax payments are fine, it’s the paper returns they’ve goofed up! No worries!)
And that’s just the tip of this week’s iceberg. Some of the issues directly impact me, others indirectly (like my bookkeeper’s family issues), but all of them are weighing heavy on me right now.
Which means all of my normal “routine” activities have gone by the wayside.
That’s the bad news.
Sorry, there’s no newsletter, no blog posts, and very little contact from me at the moment.
Add to that the fact that we’re closing the offices for the Labor Day Holiday and you can see I’m “up to my elbows in alligators” as an old friend used to say.
Our offices will be closed from September 2-7 (me and all the staff are taking time off. No promises on if we’ll be checking email much or voice mail at all). We’ll re-open on September 8.
There’s a reason my company’s logo is a phoenix.
Some awesome new products and services will be rolling out in September and later this fall. But between now and then, I’m going to be very hard to connect with as the dust settles from the fallout of this week.
Why am I telling you all of this?
Well, in all honesty, because I’ve been feeling like a fraud for NOT telling you sooner. I mean, I coach YOU to be completely transparent in your business and let your teams, your clients and your associates know what’s really going on. People know you’re not perfect, so to present that illusion to the world is tantamount to living a lie.
I would be a fraud to pretend that all is well in the land of Lisa this week. It’s not. Far from it.
But this, too, shall pass. And then, we’ll be back on track and right as rain.
Yes, you’ll be hearing from me in the interim, but not on any particular schedule. Those of you active in any of my coaching courses will see a delay in course delivery – BUT all content WILL be delivered. As always, you can email or call and we’ll do our best to help you with any questions you have, just realize it might take us longer than usual to reply – especially during the Labor Day holiday.
I’m doing everything in my power to keep all the promises I’ve made to everyone and not work myself to death in the process.
Lessons Learned
Every once in a while, you have to make time to take time to deal with life. I would be a fake and a phony if I didn’t practice what I preach.
I know there are at least a few people that would try to cover their tracks and put a marketing “spin” on something like this.
“We’ve decided to ‘go virtual’ to let more people experience the event.”
“Special pricing is open AGAIN – but only for twelve seconds.”
“Bring your friends, your dog, your cat, and a total stranger for FREE.”
“Get fifteen extra bonuses when you sign up before the sun sets today.”
Blah, blah, blech.
No can do. We priced this thing at an incredibly affordable rate (less than $1000 including your room and meals), so I’m not going to cheapen the value of the content by playing those games. The plain truth is that we didn’t sell enough tickets for me to justify keeping everyone’s money (including our awesome sponsors) to bring out these amazing speakers to share their story with a teensy weensy audience. I could have kept the money and played to an audience of twenty people, but it just felt inauthentic and unfair when we were touting this as a large scale event with about 300 people.
Other people may feel comfortable playing that game, but to me, it’s just dishonest and makes you look desperate.
If I were a speaker, I’d want a better return on my time investment. If I were a sponsor, I’d want all the eyeballs originally promised. As an attendee, I might be excited about a smaller, more intimate group, but I might be bummed that I wasn’t meeting enough people.
In business, you have to know when to cut your losses, and sometimes that means nixing a pet project. Cancelling this event was one of the top five heartbreaks of my life. Not because it meant losing income (it’s only money, after all), but because of the mission I still feel compelled to serve – to help mompreneurs bring balance to their life and their work without apologies.
Time and again, that was what I was hearing – apologies about how it was too far, too short notice, too many days, etc. Which tells me the idea was good, but the offer wasn’t good enough. But that’s another post for another day.
Simply put, I know there’s a demand for the material, so we’re working out a way to deliver a portion of the content from the live event in a virtual format starting August 29.
When you cancel an event like this, there are lots of egos to stroke and apologies to be made – and that’s just at my house! The stress my husband and I endured during the summer was epic. Cancelling the event led to all kinds of inquisitions, concerns, and arguments. Again, another post for another day.
Then there’s fees and contracts you have to honor. We’re still working on that.
And THEN the IRS rears their ugly head? Yeesh. Is it any wonder I need a break?
It’s created a lot of chaos, uproar, and difficulty that I simply can’t ignore. Nor would I want to, in truth. So I’m asking for your patience and a little understanding over the next couple of weeks. I’m not ignoring you. We’re just SWAMPED!
And to be clear, no one’s dying, and we’re not closing up shop any time soon. I just need a couple of weeks to get these fires put out and get business back on track.
The GOOD news, is that after the Labor Day holiday is over, we’ve got a TON of great things planned to help you make the last few months of the year your best ever. It pains me to have to wait to share it with you, but I’ve got to clear the path, first.
When the dust settles, there’s gonna be a major blog series about this, you can be sure.
Until then, there are a couple of things you might be interested in:
- If you’re in direct sales, we’ve got special pricing on the videos from Home Party Solution LIVE until August 31. This is the video from last year’s 3-day event. We go end-to-end through the book, with additional bonus content.
- Get registered for the virtual version of The Renaissance Mom Experience (free, even though the site’s not completely updated yet. It’s on the to-do list for the week)
- 30 Days to Renaissance (also free, you can register in the sidebar over there —>) is a 30-day e-course to help you get from Reluctance to Renaissance in your life and business. Just proves I try to practice what I preach.
LASTLY, if you have questions, concerns or comments, we ARE checking the email and the phone messages (and you can DM me on twitter). Just don’t expect an immediate response. Things are plain crazy here at the moment.
In more than a dozen years of business, I have never felt so much in a pressure cooker before. And if you’ve been with me for any length of time, you know how seriously I take my client relationships. For me to basically put business “on hold” to put out fires is a strong indicator of the level of chaos we’re feeling right now.
But sometimes, ya gotta do what ya gotta do.
Thanks for your understanding.
Read MoreGame Changers
Every other weekend, my husband and I make a 6-hour trek to visit our oldest son down in Ohio. My husband, being the shy sensitive type, is not one for much in the way of conversation, which makes these trips awkward at best. I, being the more talkative of the two of us, can get downright frustrated (to tears) when we travel for long stretches of highway with nary a word between us. Twelve hours of silence can really put me on edge!
But this weekend, we talked and talked and talked. And then we talked some more.
I had been praying for this breakthrough for a while. During the week before our departure, my husband suggested we create a list of topics to discuss on the trip so he could be “prepared”. Me? I don’t need preparation. I was great at impromptu debates and speeches in school. Give me a topic and I can talk for miles. Not so, my husband. So we made a long list. And we hit nearly every topic during our twelve hour ride.
We talked about football, politics, and my upcoming live event. We discussed marketing ideas, gardening, and the very sensitive topic of finances.
Then it happened: The Game Changer.
My husband said, in a somewhat off-hand manner, “I admit that choosing to keep our finances separate when we married was a mistake.”
Whoa.
I had to stop him. This seemingly trivial statement of hindsight changed the entire playing field of our marriage. Not only because he acknowledged making a mistake (draw your own conclusions, ladies), but because he vocalized it in a serious conversation with me.
I thanked him and observed how that small acknowledgment was actually a major Game Changer in our relationship. I then noted how often those kinds of off-hand, seemingly insignificant moments are the real Game Changers in our lives (and our businesses).
For me, there are BIG moments that changed my life – those are the easy ones to recall. Childbirth, marriage, moving across country, choosing a home-based career. Those are some of the defining moments of my life.
But let me tell you about a Game Changer that, once you hear the story, it might just change your mind about the details of your life.
I met my husband through an online dating service. We were ‘chatting’ and we planned to meet for the f
irst time, just an hour later. It was very impromptu, with no real planning behind it. He lived about an hour away, so I figured we had plenty of time to make it to the appointed destination, which was closer to my home than his.
Not only did he arrive slightly early, he held in his hand a flower he had picked up on the way.
That flower was a Game Changer and neither of us realized it until this past weekend.
You see my husband watched me to see how I responded to the flower. It was nice, and I thanked him for it. As the server came to our table, I asked for a glass of water (no ice) for the flower. I didn’t really know what else to do with it, since I didn’t want to put it on the chair or the table because it might get squished. So I cut the stem, right there in the restaurant, and placed it in a glass of water for the duration of our meal.
Doesn’t seem like much, does it?
But my husband was impressed with how I cared for that flower – how I almost seemed to cherish it. I didn’t see it as just a toss-away gesture that some guys make when they’re trying to impress a girl on a first date. I was impressed that he managed to be on time AND stopped on the way to bring me the flower. We didn’t plan it, so he didn’t have time to strategize, and he’s not one to just keep a flower on hand in case an “emergency date” turns up on his calendar.
That flower, that seemingly insignificant gesture, led to 9 dates in 2 weeks’ time. Nearly 7 years later, we have a 4 year old child and a 5 year old marriage that would not have happened, had it not been for that little flower.
Game Changers aren’t the huge, defining moments of our lives, but very often, they are the details that make the difference.
It’s the admission of guilt, which doesn’t change the damage done, but paves the way for forgiveness.
It’s the invitation extended to a stranger to join you for lunch, in an otherwise crowded cafeteria, that paves the way to a big business deal.
It’s the unexpected in the commonplace.
It’s a small kindness that pays a tremendous return – without expectation of any kind.
Those are the Game Changers. And I had a couple this weekend. You’ll learn more about them in the coming weeks, but be assured that these small details are everywhere – if we’re looking for them.
This Game Changer reconfigures our financial landscape. What that means exactly is still being determined, but it’s one more positive step in the process of becoming a true partnership, not just two people married to each other.
What are the Game Changers in your life? Can you point to the seemingly little things that made a big difference in who you are and what your life has meant? I’d love for you to share your thoughts in the comments below.
Read MoreThe Dichotomy of Me
Never permit a dichotomy to rule your life, a dichotomy in which you hate what you do so you can have pleasure in your spare time. Look for a situation in which your work will give you as much happiness as your spare time. - Pablo Picasso
Don’t misunderstand. I LOVE my work. I love the clients I coach, the flexibility I have to be with my family. There’s very little I don’t like…
…except having to choose between different projects. There’s only so much time in the day, and if I want to honor my family, and my client community, I have to be at least a little picky about projects I promote.
Many of you know I lead a sort of “double life”. I began my online career coaching direct sales professionals. Last year, I launched the Direct Sales Super Summit as a tool to help those clients (and others) achieve greater levels of success in their business. We had so much positive feedback, that we had to change the name to better reflect the audience. We now have about a 50/50 mix of direct sellers and small business owners. Changing the name was a tough call, but it enabled me to get folks like Jimmy Vee and Travis Miller to participate.
In that name change, though, was all kinds of anxiety for me. It meant stepping back from my direct sales focus and embracing the audience I now call home: business minded women and entrepreneurial moms.
The bulk of my clients are still direct sellers, but I’ve noticed that where other direct sales coaches and trainers often complain about how flaky their customers are, I have NEVER had that problem – okay, I had one customer that was a dork, but she flew the coop eons ago. My customers are loyal, honest, and willing to invest in themselves to grow a real business through their direct sales company.
Perhaps that’s the most important distinction: my clients see themselves as business owners. And yet, so much of the world still lumps all direct sellers into the “is this a pyramid scheme?” category.
So I’ve been torn between trying to be the champion of what I call “direct sales professionals” and working with entrepreneurs. The funny thing is, they are one and the same.
And I didn’t figure that out until just now.
I knew it internally. In my heart. I say it all the time – you are the business owner of “You, Inc.” and you need to run your direct sales business like a business and not an expensive hobby. But I also realize that message applies across the board to other entrepreneurs trying to get established in their industry: health coaches, theater owners, web designers, videographers, actors, author – you name it. You have to run a business with a focus on profit, otherwise, it’s an expensive hobby.
I’ve coached direct sellers, and I love it. I’ve also coached all the other clients I mentioned above. There doesn’t seem to be much correlation between them, does there?
Except for that “expensive hobby” concept.
So as I sit here writing this, it becomes even more apparent to me that I don’t need to decide between working with direct sales pros and entrepreneurs. In serving one, I am serving both.
Sure direct sales has a bit of lingo that goes along with it: bookings, recruits, shows, etc. But the principles are the same: create a sustainable business that will help my client achieve their goals, including flexibility of time, increased income, and the ability to live life on their terms.
That’s pretty much the same set of goals that most entrepreneurs have.
All this time, I’ve been told that I needed to choose. I couldn’t serve two masters. Managing two newsletters would be a challenge. As a result, I haven’t launched my newsletter for The Renaissance Mom community yet. I’ve been focusing on creating a separation between the two brands so that I could better ‘segment my market’ – whatever that’s supposed to mean.
The irony is that most of the direct sellers that read “PartyOn!” each week have also signed up to hear more about the Renaissance Mom – without much prompting on my part. And many of the people I expect to attend my live event this August are direct sales pros that are moms, who need to find balance in their lives, just like any other entrepreneurial mom.
Funny how that works.
So I’m all through with arm wrestling with myself – at least about this issue. There’s a box on the page where you can sign up for the new Renaissance Mom Newsletter (I’ve got to give it a name, though, I suppose). You can visit HomePartySolution.com to register for the newsletter for Direct Sales Pros, “PartyOn!”. Yep, that means I’m putting out two newsletters now. God help us all. I hope my assistant can handle all the spell checking.
It also means I’ll be launching new programs – maybe even at the same time. I have an entire system to help busy moms manage their lives and their business. I’ve been wanting to share it for almost a year now, and haven’t been able to find “the right time” to do it. Here’s a glimpse at the projects sitting on my desk that are ready, and just waiting for me to get them launched:
- Direct Sales 102: Sell More to Earn More
- The PEACE System: Do less, achieve more in 10-20 minutes a day
- Direct Sales 201: Core skills for Direct Sales Leaders
- The Renaissance Mom LIVE Event (okay, that’s happening in August, but we haven’t started selling tickets yet!)
These projects are pretty much in the can. But I’ve been grappling with timing things, sharing too much info, and overloading my readers with too many promos.
Ugh. Maybe I’m expecting too much from my list, but I think you’re smart enough to know what will work for you and what won’t. If I’m sending you too much email, you’ll let me know – (I try to keep it to 1 or 2 messages a week if you’re not in a current program). If you’re on multiple lists, I trust you know what you’re doing. If I’m totally up in the night, I’m going to trust that you’ll call me on it.
And if I’m wrong, I’ll get a flood of unsubscribes, and I’ll have to start from scratch.
Does that sound reasonable? Am I just a goofball for actually putting faith in my list of loyal subscribers? I’d love your feedback. Post a comment below and let me know what you think about the projects I’m planning. Sound good? Sound stupid? Your feedback matters.
Read MoreAbout Me
Storyteller. Transformer. Entrepreneur. I've won a few awards for writing, music and design, and I'm not resting on my laurels. I focus my energy on helping you succeed and get results. Be sure to say hi, leave a comment and get involved. That's how I roll. Coming Soon
