Other Gifts
No birthday hangovers here.
In fact, the birthday wasn’t much different from every other day this year. I had promised myself to take the day off, but it just wasn’t very convenient to do so.
So I walked the kid to school, and worked on website issues with my tech team, and dealt with a few “fires” that had to be put out.
It was pretty much an uneventful birthday.
At first, this did not set well with me. See, I’m an action taker – a DO-er – and sitting around NOT doing what I wanted to do kind of pissed me off.
Read MoreGod Bless The Revolutionaries
I’ve been feeling incredibly guilty lately, and if what I’ve read lately is any indication, I’m not the only one.
I saw it in a book I picked up the other day, and I cringed.
“God (or universe, or spirit, or whatever)“
Right there in black and white, the author was apologizing for believing in God. He didn’t outright say it, but I see it more and more as we strive for “correctness” and “tolerance” we’re watering down our own faith stance to accommodate others.
In fact, I’ve side-stepped it myself. Couching God in safe, generic terms like “universe” or “spirit” or something equally mundane.
Thus, the guilt.
Godly enough, I got my first pimp-slap of the year today from my new friend, Leesa Barnes. Her evolutionary post about ‘breaking a hinge‘ ends with a quote from the first book of Kings.
Yes, from the Bible.
It was not an intentional slap, I know, because we’ve talked recently about this almost unspoken undercurrent of unrest in the marketplace. In our conversations, we shared scriptures, ideas, rantings, complaints, and even some of our more personal beliefs about things like God. I shared my recent discovery of Bruce Barton and his writings about Jesus as one of the most accomplished businessmen in the world.
You can call God whatever you like, but for me, I specifically choose God, so please don’t ask me to use something else.
Reading that scripture was a holy awakening to me, and a reminder of our recent conversation.
Well-meaning colleagues and friends have strongly encouraged me to keep my faith to myself or at the very least “tone it down” for general consumption.
God isn’t for general consumption.
Not everyone can handle His message. Not everyone wants to hear that message. I get that.
For as many times as I’ve said “your business is an extension of who you are” it’s even more imperative that I vocalize that my faith is also an extension, if not the very definition, of who I am.
I’m not claiming perfection or blamelessness here, and I think anyone that knows me, knows this to be true.
I screw up a LOT.
I’m also open to God’s direction. Often doing things that don’t seem to make sense to other people because I feel called to serve in a particular capacity.
And I’m not the only one.
There’s a revolution happening. I hesitate to say “behind the scenes” because it’s not so behind the scenes lately. They’re coming out of the woodwork. Business owners tired of the lies, the fakery, the illusions of success gilt to a thin veneer – that crumble all too easily.
They’re tired of having to tip-toe around anyone not of their faith so as not to be seen as a Bible-thumping, teetotaling puritan in conservative clothing.
That ain’t me. I don’t force-feed anyone my truth. You have the option to bail any time you like.
But you DON’T have that option if I’ve never given it to you. So I’m extending it now.
My 60-day journey ends soon. Signs of land are approaching, and all the details are coming soon, I promise. Some things have been tortuous; others, miraculous. All of them necessary to pave the way for the big things God has planned for me in 2011.
And I’m not the only one. The revolutionaries are all around you. You may even be one of them. Trying to figure out how to cross the chasm between God and your message in the marketplace. Trying to figure out where to tread so that you tread lightly enough to not set off a few land mines along the way. I’m meeting more and more people with that same sticking point.
Screw it.
Stop “tippin on cotton” and lay it out there. That was the message I got today, so I lay it before you now. You’re going to make mistakes, people aren’t going to understand, and yes, a few people will probably even call you names.
Jesus had it a LOT worse than that, didn’t he?
As an intuitive coach (and that’s the first time I’ve publicly said that), I pray before every coaching session and ask God to guide me so that I can provide the best possible help to my clients when I am working with them. I don’t ask “universe” or “spirit” to channel through me, I ask for God’s help.
Why should I hide that from my clients? Kind of a pertinent detail, don’t you think?
Likewise, when I screw up, it’s God that I turn to for help, guidance, forgiveness and direction. And many of my clients do as well. Instead of it being a bone of contention, it actually becomes an endearing quality to those that work most closely with me. Why should I deny it?
There are those who have said to me that I’m cutting off my nose to spite my face – essentially eliminating a portion of my “target market” by making a public declaration of my faith.
Isn’t that the point of target marketing? If people don’t want to work with me as I am, then they’re NOT my target market, correct?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying God is a marketing ploy, a strategy, or a tactic to be “used” to grow my business.
I’m talking about transparency, ethics, and the truth that my clients deserve.
Maybe you don’t want to work with a coach that prays for you. You have a right to know that. Maybe you don’t want to hear stories of “divine downloads” or how putting God at the center of everything in my life (including my business) is radically changing everything in my world.
You have a right to know, before you invest your dollars with me, how I do what I do – and WHY I do what I do.
You don’t have to believe it, but if you don’t even know what it is in the first place, you have no idea what you’re paying for.
So tonight, as I lay my head down and wrap the first day of this new year, I’ll be offering up prayers, re-dedicating everything to God for 2011, and beyond.
Prayers that this year will be infinitely better than last year.
Prayers that abundance is something you truly feel, not just a buzz word that people banter around.
Prayers that your life will be enriched in more ways than you can count on all your phalanges.
Prayers to bless all the other revolutionaries making their leap across the chasm this year.
Prayers for my life, my faith, my business, clients, family, friends… and YOU.
Read MoreAchieving The Impossible Has a Cost
Note: I wanted to say doing the impossible ain’t cheap, but cheap is a relative term.
There’s a definite value to being able to do something other people say you can’t. Being able to recognize both the cost and the value, however, is where the rubber meets the road.
Today, my first real day “back to work” since Creating Irresistible Presence (#CIP) in Atlanta, I had to do both.
A potential client set up a pre-screening call to discuss her goals and for me to get to know her business better. This is something I regularly do before developing an online strategy for a new client. It helps us hit the ground running when the actual strategy session takes place.
I called at the appointed time. No answer. I left a message and sat down to fill my time with another project until she called back.
Here’s where I waffled: I called her again 10 minutes later to see if maybe we missed each other. We connected and I spent the next 20 minutes discussing her business, her goals, and what she’d like to accomplish.
Since this was a barter arrangement, I explained my fee, how the barter program works, and what she could expect when we scheduled an hour of time to work on her project.
She balked. BIG time. And I could feel the terror of “losing a client” rising inside me.
While she went on about how she couldn’t see the value in working with me for only an hour, justifying in her mind that she really didn’t want to work with me at my current rate, something transcendent happened. Her voice seemed to fade as other voices rushed in:
My assistant warned me yesterday: “She seemed to have a bit of an attitude, and didn’t sound excited.”
My #CIP friends: “You are a-ma-zing!”
Past clients: “I can’t believe how much we accomplished in an hour!”
And on.. and on.. I almost feel bad for the woman on the other end of the phone. I really wasn’t listening to her.
I was listening to ME. To my gut, to my God-voice telling me that this woman will be more headache than she’s worth and that I shouldn’t be trying to work with her.
So while she was trying to find reasons to not work with me, I was trying to justify not working with HER!
Finally, I politely said, “Well, I can understand that if you don’t see the value in working with me, or that you’re not able to afford it at this time, that’s no problem. I have to let you go now, I have another appointment in a few minutes. If you change your mind, you’ll know how to reach me. Have a great day!”
And I said it with confidence, clarity, and courage. Without desperation oozing from my voice.
Frankly, I hope she never calls back, but if she does, she’ll know that working with me provides great value, AND there’s a cost.
Opportunity costs are the things we give up in order to get the things we have. Sometimes the costs are small: a few dollars to have lunch with a friend instead of a new blouse. A new toy for our child instead of a new book for our learning library.
Opportunity cost means sacrificing one choice in favor of another.
Before I went to #CIP, I was presented with three incredible opportunities:
- The #CIP, 3-day intensive, where I could mix, mingle and learn in a live environment
- An 8 week virtual course, that literally helped me make $5000 without even registering for it.
- A trip to Vegas to hob-knob and rub elbows with some movers and shakers at a private party for a friend of mine.
I chose #CIP. And as Robert Frost said, “That has made all the difference.”
Before Atlanta, I struggled with the voice of The Renaissance Mom. Who was she? What was she really about? How do I connect to her and through her to my audience?
This was the reason I chose to come to Atlanta. At first, I was afraid it wasn’t happening. I wasn’t going to be able to find that voice. I had to let go of what I thought I knew.
I thought my “audience” was mompreneurs/working moms. That’s part of it, but not every mompreneur resonates with me – and a lot of my followers aren’t moms at all (you guys know who you are!).
Finally, I had to recognize that The Renaissance Mom… is me.
That was incredibly hard for me to swallow. Because I didn’t want to believe it was about me. I wouldn’t even put my face on the cover of my albums because even my music wasn’t about me.
And that, too, has a cost. Becoming a superhero means creating (and living up to) an identity. An identity I didn’t want to embrace.
Because I’ve never thought that my business was about me. It’s always been about helping other people achieve their heart’s desire – in life, in business, whatever. That’s been my passion.
But the opportunity cost has been too great:
- Lost income opportunities
- Lost relationship opportunities
- Lost business opportunities
All that self-deprecating was getting me nowhere fast.
It’s time to give up on what I thought I knew and embrace the new truth: it is about me.
It’s not that I’m arrogant, or becoming some kind of an elitist. It’s just that it’s time to give myself proper credit, and value myself in the same way I coach my clients to value themselves.
To stop chasing clients that are wrong for me, and be confident in who I am and what I do for the clients that love me.
Inasmuch as I have a super power, I must have a super hero name. Wonder Woman was already taken.
The Renaissance Mom is about re-birth, renewal, and transformation from the old “impossible” mindset into a new way of viewing all the possibilities in life and the world around you. To STOP believing in the impossible, and instead, embrace creative ways to achieve the improbable.
I’m trying to convince my husband that he’s my trusty sidekick, but he’s not buying it yet.
The phoenix is the brand on my chest. Like Superman’s “S” or the bat on The Caped Crusader’s yellow emblem. The ultimate symbol of re-birth, renewal and transformation at the elemental level.
Gosh, everything seems so much clearer now, doesn’t it?
So strap in, my friends, because this is the beginning of a very public re-birthing process for The Renaissance Mom. My plan is to make the impossible happen, right here, where you can bear witness.
It will probably be messy. When you’re first learning how to be a superhero, it can be quite awkward and clumsy. I’ll probably dive into the phone booth a couple of times and smash my face on the glass. Les McKeown said in his book “Predictable Success” that “sometimes reality just refuses to be neat and tidy.”
You heard it here first.
So to that woman on the phone today, please understand that I’m not slighting you, I’m choosing instead, to value myself. If you’re going to stand around, hemming and hawing, you’re not ready to grow your business like a real business.
That’s an hour of our lives we’ll never get back, so why waste it in the first place?
Read MoreFriends are Family, too!
As I sit at my desk writing this, there are at least a bajillion other things I could be doing (give or take a few).
In fact, if it were an egg hunt, I could probably find more things to do than anyone. It’s part of the way my brain’s wired. I have an innate ability to come up with “one more thing” – to improve a situation, to clean a space, to help a friend, to gain more clarity, to launch a new product…
… see what I mean? I could easily add “one more thing” to that list.
But I realized this week that I’m also very capable of filling all my time with “just one more thing”. And it’s killing my friendships.
See, I have friends – good, close friends – that are more valuable to me than some of my family. In fact, I feel like they ARE family to me.
But, as it turns out, they’re not so sure.
Over the past month, I’ve learned this painful lesson the hard way, as several of them have called me up (seemingly out of the blue in some cases), and asked me the msot shocking question:
“Did you, by any chance, tell so-and-so about _______?”
Are you kidding me?
Do they not know how much I value their friendship?
Do they not know how much I value the bond we share and the secrets that we keep for each other?
Do they not know that their confidence is sacred to me and I would rather stab my own eye out than break that confidence by sharing our private conversations and activities with others?
Great googly moogly!
Don’t they know I don’t have that many friends to begin with, and it would be foolish of me to reveal that “private stuff” to strangers – people I barely know? Don’t they know that I would be crushed if they did that to me and that I would never EVER, BEVER, SHMEVER, do that to them?
Apparently not.
When the first friend called, I figured they were just erring on the side of caution. You know – can’t be too sure… better to be safe than sorry, and whatnot.
But by the third call, I realized that I hadn’t been doing enough to maintain that level of trust with my closest friends. They had actually started to lose confidence in our friendship – in the trust that they had invested in me.
I wasn’t sure exactly what to do.
And then my BFF’s mom died.
It wasn’t out of the blue, or anything. They were blessed enough to have time to prepare. Her mom had everything planned out – what she would wear, the readings, the songs, everything. It was surprising to me how well her mom prepared – especially since most of the family wasn’t even aware of it. She had left final instructions with her priest, because she didn’t want to “worry” her family.
The church was full to overflowing. People were literally standing outdoors peering over tops of heads trying to catch even a small glimpse of what was going on inside the church. My friend later told me that her mom’s viewing was the biggest her funeral home had ever hosted.
More than 1,200 people gathered to offer condolences and well-wishes during this hard time for my friend’s family. The church itself was initially limited to family only, and I managed to get a seat near enough to the front to keep an eye on my friend throughout the service.
I had asked her repeatedly in the weeks leading up to the event if there was anything I could do, or if she needed even the smallest thing, she could count on me. Her reply was always honest: “I think I’m okay right now, Lisa. But after all the people stop coming around, that’s when I might need you.”
And as I left her mom’s funeral, it occurred to me how grossly out of whack my priorities have been. I’ve had my head down, plowing through the issues of my business, my life, and dealing with the goings on in my own home for the past few months. I’m still dealing with much of it. In fact, I can always find “one more thing” to deal with.
But at what expense?
“When all the people stop coming around.” Well, what if I ended up being one of those folks, not because I intended to, but because I found one more thing to occupy my life?”
The earth shook when another friend (we’ll call her BFF#2) called me and laid it bare:
“It feels like you just decided that you didn’t get what you wanted from me, so you’re moving on.”
OUCH.
Quite honestly, that was not my intention. In fact, the events of the past few weeks have taken me out of the area and I just haven’t been able to spread myself across all the people I wanted to connect with.
She wasn’t being heartless or even angry. Just very matter-of-fact, which is why I’m glad she’s my BFF. I actually appreciate her clarity and honesty – sometimes I wish more people were as direct as she is. It allows me to see myself as others truly see me.
And boy do I have a lot of fixing to do.
Because I feel like BFF #2 does sometimes.
My friendships usually start because I am able to help someone with something. That’s my “in” – my “doorway, if you will. And I enjoy helping people – maybe too much, but that’s another story for another time. So here I am: I do for others, spend time building relationships that mean a LOT to me, and when they are “done with me”, I feel like I get left behind or cast aside.
I TOTALLY resonate with what BFF#2 is saying here because I’ve felt it happen more times in my life than I care to count.
My mom had a saying “The road runs both ways, you know.”
Sadly, I always used that to justify why I wasn’t reaching out to other people, not thinking that they may be using it to justify why they haven’t reached out to me.
What a horrendous catch-22!
But I’m still not exactly sure how to fix this situation. Building relationships take time, effort, and require a front-end investment in the people you’re focused on. Sometimes it takes risk, and right now, as sad as it is to admit, I just don’t have a lot of myself to “risk” right now.
So I’m trying to save up a little of myself. Get some clarity. Take some ‘me time’ and figure out how I really want to be for my friends. I’m going to Sarah Robinson’s “Create Irresistible Presence” event next week to (hopefully) figure out what my full voice has to say – and how to say it to my friends, my family, my audience, etc.
Because in the laundry list of life, the most important “to-do’s” are always rooted in family. And friends are family, too!
This isn’t me being too hard on myself, mind you. I know there are a few people I’ve been very attentive to in the last few months. I also know that if my real friends – the ones I count as family – are not sure they can trust me anymore, I’ve let something slide. Either that, or something’s gotten lost in translation, and if I want to repair my friendships, I must be willing to at least examine what my role in all this really is.
So that’s where my head’s at right now. Reprioritizing, trying hard to figure out what’s ultimately important to me, and how it all fits together. Some pieces of the puzzle are easy. Others, not so much.
I’m one for making a “confession” like this an instructive one for my readers, so here’s what I would offer as you go through your own renaissance:
1. Think about those friends closest to you. There’s a reason friends are not a key area of their own. Often, they are aptly placed as an element of either Family or Fun. Are you including them in you “big rocks” each day?
2. Make the commitment to invest in yourself so that you have something to invest in others. This isn’t a discussion about money, it’s a discussion about nourishing your own spirit so you can “be there” for your friends.
I saw a tweet today that made me chuckle: “today’s mighty oak is yesterday’s nut that managed to hold its ground.”
How are you holding (or gaining) ground? I’d love to hear your take on this -perhaps your own struggles, so I know I’m not a nut!
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About Me
Edutainer. Results-getter. Performer. I'm expressive, results-oriented, and a connoisseur of ideas. When creative people are ready to stop making excuses and make something happen, they call me. Sometimes I talk to God. Sometimes God talks back. Sometimes I talk back. I'm building an ark here. Wanna ride? Be sure to say hi, leave a comment and get involved. That's how I roll. Lisa’s Music
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