Posts Tagged "mindset"

Diagnosis: You and Fear

Posted by LisaYoung in Big Ideas, Faith |

In working with my inaugural class of clients for The Power of Focus project, the biggest reports coming in from the field show that fear keeps rearing it’s ugly head.

“Am I doing this right?”

“How do I know if I’m doing this right?”

That old demon, fear is rearing it’s ugly head again, tyring to keep you from realizing your greatness.

The fact is, the only way to know if you’re doing anything right is by actually doing it! Otherwise, you’re not doing ANYTHING!

It struck a chord when I read Seth Godin’s blog this morning. Read Everything Is Not Going To Be Okay and you’ll understand what I mean.

We all walk around wondering, hoping and wishing for someone to tell us that we’re on the right path – and that we’re doing the right thing.

As moms, we’re especially vulnerable. I remember when I first brought my son home from the hospital (who’s now a teenager). I said to my friends, “I wish babies came with instruction manuals.”

I was met with comforting words and encoruagement that I was “going to be a great mom.” and that I “would know what to do instinctively.”

They were wrong.

I struggled and struggled at trying to figure out how to be a mom. It’s like pouring salt on a snail and watching him shrivel up. That’s how I felt each and every day of his young life. I wasn’t prepared for 2am feedings when I had to be to work the next day. I didn’t understand why I had to pay for a week of day care if teh kid was only there for three days. There was so much that was pretty much left to chance when my son was small that I began to feel like I was doing everything wrong.

So I came home, where my family offered a modicum of support.

Whether that was “the best” choice or not, I’ll never know, but it was the only one I felt I had at the time. Doing what you believe to be right in the moment is sometimes all you have to go on. Questioning that decsion only leads to indecision, stagnation, and more fear.

What happened when I returned? It was like being a child all over again – being told what to do and how I was doing everything wrong. I remember one of my aunts telling me my child would end up in prison if I kept on raising him the way I was.

Of course, that was before his diagnosis. Before the diagnosis, I was viewed as a horrible mother with a problem child. After the diagnosis, I was “doing the best I could in a situation with a special needs child”.

Funny how the dime turned, huh? I thought so, anyway.

So here’s your diagnosis: You’re doing the best you can in your given situation. Don’t let the unknowing, disapproving looks from family or friends screw with your brain. You’ll never know if what you’re doing is the perfect solution to any problem until the end of time, when you look back and assess the full value of the life you’ve lived. If you spend all your time now wondering, you’ll never live the life you were called to fulfill.

Fear likes to keep you in a space where it thinks you’re safe. Hey, you’re not dead yet, so you must be doing okay. That’s hogwash. Fear doesn’t understand that you need to take a step or a leap out of your “comfort zone” to be the person - the mom, the busness owner – you truly want to be. It only understands that you’re trying something new, something it hasn’t experienced before, and what if everything isn’t okay?

It won’t be okay. It will be uncomfortable at best and excruciatingly painful at worst. Just know it, accept it, and plow through. There’s fear in the doing, but most often, hen we come out on the other side of the doing, we are much better for the experience.

Ali Magazine: Inconsistent Messaging

Posted by LisaYoung in Faith |

I’ve been an Ali Brown afficionado for a few years. Her rise to nearly celebrity status as the darling of Internet Marketing, more commonly known as “the Ezine Queen”, has been almost metoric in nature. In fact, during a teleclass this summer, she credited the law of attraction and the power of manifestation for her quantum leaps in business over the past few years.

So when I heard tell of a new magazine that was on the way, I was very nearly salivating. My mind traversed the possibilities: powerful interviews and articles on business building and attraction principles. Profiles on Ali disciples that had made good and gone “big time” with their business. Even the possibility of some lifestyle and travel tips. The horoscopes…

… Wait? huh? HOROSCOPES?

You heard me.

In my perfectly blunt style, I wrote my letter of disbelief to Ali. She of course did not reply (she’s far too busy for that these days) but one of her assistants did.

“Thanks Lisa – We appreciate your feedback. The reason why we included a horoscope section is because horoscopes are FUN! People like them, Ali likes them. It’s good to have fun with your business and enjoy it. ”

Well, I don’t dispute that FUN should be a part of your business. Countless pages in Ali’s new magazine outlined style, fashion and travel ideas. And I even appreciated the tip sheet articles and guest spot on Heidi Klum. Heck, I’ll even give her props for the layout of “behnd the scenes” pictures from her cover shoot. That’s fun stuff!

But Horoscopes, to me, seem to go completely against everything Ali spoke about during the summer teleclass on Manifestation with David Neagle. In a class all about setting your sights on a goal, learning the right way to goal set, and how to attain those goals through attraction, putting your “faith in the stars” just seems incongruent at best and insulting at worst.

To say “people like them, Ali likes them” is a means of justification without addressing the issue of congruence.

It draws to mind those old Venn diagrams from logic class.

If people like horoscopes, and Ali likes horoscopes, then Ali is people, too.

…Talk about lowest common denominator.

Don’t get me wrong. I still like Ali’s work, and she has some valuable content that has taken my business in a new direction, but to lower the qualty of the content to appeal to “the masses” is a bit heartbreaking.

A good magazine – a FUN magazine – doesn’t need tawdry little, mind numbing horoscopes.

The Trash Man Cometh

Posted by LisaYoung in Big Ideas |

I’m a weird bird, I’ll admit it.

If I’m home when my mail carrier arrives, I’ll meet him at the door and tell him thank you. I figure they don’t see a lot of people on their day route, and I should be grateful to them for saving me time by delivering my mail every day (and picking up all the packages I send out on a daily basis).

Also, My aunt (who’s retiring soon) works as a supervisor in his office, so every now and again I get “Stories” from him. Fun stuff.

But I also say thanks to my sanitation engineers.

Most of the time, I just shout out a “THANK YOU!” as they’re scooping up the bins and driving away.

But not today.

On our sanitation trucks (and I think this is common in most areas, but just for clarity) there is a driver and a rig man. He’s the guy that rides on the back end of the truck to grab the bins and dump them into the back end.

Seems pretty dangerous and labor intensive to me. Which is one of the reasons I make sure to say thanks.

But today’s rig man was a jerk.

So he got no thanks of any kind.

In retrospect, he may have been having a bad day, and I think that’s true in any business. We have days that aren’t so great. We shove and slam and bang things out of frustration, thinking that taking it out on the inanimate object will make us feel better.

But he cracked the wheel on my trash can when he hucked it half way across the road.

Needless to say, I felt a little disgruntled and saying “thank you” would probably have sounded a bit sarcastic.

So I just sighed as he drove away, collected my impaired trash bin, and hobbled it up to the garage for next week’s adventure.

And I started thinking about all the times I’ve been the trash man to others.

When I yelled at my kids when they didn’t deserve it.
When I ignored a request from a friend because I didn’t feel like it.
When I had a bad day and didn’t give 100% to my customers.
When I (God Forgive me!) lied to my boss about being sick, so I didn’t have to work on an important project that bored me to tears.
When I get frustrated with myself and start calling ME names.

I could go on for hours with this list – as I’m sure you could, too.

The point is, we can either accept these “character flaws” as a part of who we are, or we can strive to improve with each passing moment. We can make a point of doing the work it takes to do the right thing, or we can keep hucking the neighbor’s trash cans across the street, breaking the wheel, and along with it their trust and our credibility.

So I’m sorry for being a jerk. To You. To My Kids, family, friends and former bosses.
I’m also sorry for being a jerk to myself. Getting frustrated when I truly had no control over a situation, knocking myself around when I didn’t deserve it.

And I’m sorry I couldn’t tell today’s trash man what I always want to say:

“THANK YOU!”

Listen With the Intent to Understand

Posted by LisaYoung in Big Ideas |

I recently sat at my desk listening to a recorded conference call by Dr. Ellie Drake, another network marketing professional. It was an effective teleconference about developing listening skills and learning to connect to people with ease. The crux of the training call was the art of empathic listening.

Empathic listening requires you to ask a question and WAIT for the answer. But while you’re waiting, you’re LISTENING with the intent to understand, not with the intention of replying.

Did you catch that? Listen with the intent to understand. Don’t listen with the intent to reply.

This means not thinking about what you want to say while your prospect is talking. It means to really focus on the words they are saying and what is going on in their mind. Without judging. Listen to their words, watch their body language, and focus on the speaker completely.

It’s easier said than done. It takes practice and it doesn’t always happen. Drake suggests to observe the speaker’s feelings, emotions and inflections. Without judging, without trying to fix or solve anything. Just listen with your intuition and pick up on their feelings. Then state your observations about their emotions, without judgment and a tool belt in hand ready to solve their problems.

The idea, particularly in network marketing, is to stop pulling people into our business, to meet them where they are, without judging. Then, by meeting them where they are (emotionally), and validating their experiences with empathic listening, you open the door for them to make the choice to follow you into your opportunity. Once you understand your prospect – or more to the point, they feel like you understand them – then you can attract them to where you are by using empathy to connect to them to what you have to offer.

Drake suggests using a pattern of “ask, listen, ask, listen, speak” to direct you efficiently to the root of their “pain” which may indicate a need for an affirmative buying decision. This isn’t just a recruiting idea. It’s a sales concept that applies to any attempt to earn an affirmative buying decision. Stop trying to make decisions about what to say when you should be listening.

Take mental notes when the speaker is speaking. When the speaker is finished, make observations about the emotional issues laid before you. Drake states, “The degree that a person will cooperate with change is exactly dependent upon their clarity on what their pain is.” It’s not about the degree of pain, but the clarity on their pain in their situation.

Asking the right questions makes a difference. Ask questions with a focus to understand their situation and their pain. Then listen. Ask another question about your observations. Seek to understand the speaker. Only after you’ve asked valuable questions that elicit emotional responses from the speaker, and sought to understand the person behind the emotions, then you can move them from where they are to where you are.

People are looking for opportunities year round. It becomes easier to recruit them when you seek to understand their needs first. Then – and only then – should you attempt to attract them to your opportunity. Once they feel understood, they look to you as a source of pleasure and an expert that can help them resolve their issues.

But wouldn’t it be nice if this happened everywhere?

What if the car dealer actually listened to what you wanted in a car, instead of bringing you the car he “knows” is just “perfect” for you?

What if your doctor took the time to listen to ALL your symptoms, not just the ones he can prescribe away? Now some Doctors ARE very good, don’t get me wrong, but many times, they are not so attentive.

What if the teacher at school really listened to what your child told them – and took it to heart?

What if your spouse took time to focus on what you were saying – not just with your words – when they asked you “How was your day, honey?”

There are rare gems in the world that do all of this and more.

But can you imagine how much better it would be if everyone was like this?

Cackling Babies Tell it like it is

Posted by LisaYoung in Uncategorized |

When you get a chance, do a search on YouTube for “why buy expensive toys” The little boy in the video is delirious about ripping out pages in a magazine.

This video is hilarious, but please don’t patronize the links in the video. I learned the hard way that it’s connected to a very UN-family-friendly website, if you understand what I mean.

I seriously thought about not posting this video referral at all, but then I got it in an email last week, and I knew God was telling me to share some details.

It’s real life, after all!

In essence, the kid gets so slap happy from helping his father tear up the magazine pages that he starts busting out into raucous laughter – even before he tears the sheet.

And here’s the marketing lesson: Sometimes simple is best.

Seriously. Sometimes we fret about how to make things so “perfect” for our end user, that we forget about the simplicity of things that already work.

Dan Kennedy says that sometimes “‘good’ is good enough” I take it one step further and say that sometimes “easy is hard enough”

Sure, there are people in the world that want a Porsche for the price of a moped. But that’s not realistic.

Of course there are people that will pay $100 for a plastic toilet seat from Home Depot. But that’s exploitative.

When you look at your customer, your product base, and your message – are you making it too hard for people to digest?

Keep it simple. Keep it real. Keep it on the level.

Chris Haddad wrote a post a while back about writing at the 4th or 5th grade level. That’s the God’s Honest Truth, folks. Even in a technical industry, the more simplified the marketing, the easier it is for people to grasp it.

Sure, your average Chemical Engineer should be able to read at a 12th grade level – but why would he want to? Higher-level thinking takes a lot out of you – especially when the same thing can be said in 150 words (or less) with one and two syllable words.

Take it from someone that loves to use big words:
Not everyone loves big words.

So if a cackling baby can find pleasure and delight in the daily tabloid rag, why can’t we, as marketers, take a cue “from the mouths of babes” as it were?

Sometimes the easiest, and simplest messages are the best.

Here’s one of my favorites:

“Dear Mom,
I love you.
Can I have a Nintendo DS?”

It doesn’t get much clearer than that. I know right away who’s being addressed, the message is loud and clear and there’s no subterfuge.

Ya gotta love kids!