But new realities have come into my field of vision, and I’m seeing the world through somewhat different eyes.

As moms, we often think that we are doing so much for everyone else, and we don’t have a voice of our own. Sometimes we feel squelched.

Today, I realized I’ve been squelching myself in ways I never recognized; ways I never comprehended.

And it changes starting now.

During this process of “awakening” if you will, I heard a quote on the radio. It moved me so, that I had to find the author and share it with you.

In the past few days, it hit me that as long as our hands are clenched, we cannot give, nor can we receive. Further, if all we do is take, eventually there’s nothing left to take. If all we do is give, eventually, there’s nothing left to give. Thus, we must give and take in order to keep balance and maintain a “karmic equilibrium” so to speak.

This passage from Dr. Margaret Rinck spoke to me. And so I offer it to those of you dealing with clenched fists – whether they’re yours or someone else’s:

To Let Go Takes Love by Dr. Margaret J. Rinck
To “let go” does not mean to stop caring. It means I can’t do it for someone else.

To “let go” is not to cut myself off. It’s the realization that I can’t control another.

To “let go” is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To “let go” is not to try to change or blame another. It’s to make the most of myself.

To “let go” is not to care for, but to care about.

To “let go” is not to fix, but to be supportive.

To “let go” is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.

To “let go” is not to be in the middle, arraging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own destinies.

To “let go” is not to be protective; it’s to permit another to face reality.

To “let go” is not deny, but to accept.

To “let go” is not to nag, scold or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.

To “let go” is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.

To “let go” is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.

To “let go” is to fear less and to love more.

But this weekend, we talked and talked and talked. And then we talked some more.

I had been praying for this breakthrough for a while. During the week before our departure, my husband suggested we create a list of topics to discuss on the trip so he could be “prepared”. Me? I don’t need preparation. I was great at impromptu debates and speeches in school. Give me a topic and I can talk for miles. Not so, my husband. So we made a long list. And we hit nearly every topic during our twelve hour ride.

We talked about football, politics, and my upcoming live event. We discussed marketing ideas, gardening, and the very sensitive topic of finances.

Then it happened: The Game Changer.

My husband said, in a somewhat off-hand manner, “I admit that choosing to keep our finances separate when we married was a mistake.”

Whoa.

I had to stop him. This seemingly trivial statement of hindsight changed the entire playing field of our marriage. Not only because he acknowledged making a mistake (draw your own conclusions, ladies), but because he vocalized it in a serious conversation with me.

I thanked him and observed how that small acknowledgment was actually a major Game Changer in our relationship. I then noted how often those kinds of off-hand, seemingly insignificant moments are the real Game Changers in our lives (and our businesses).

For me, there are BIG moments that changed my life – those are the easy ones to recall. Childbirth, marriage, moving across country, choosing a home-based career. Those are some of the defining moments of my life.

But let me tell you about a Game Changer that, once you hear the story, it might just change your mind about the details of your life.

I met my husband through an online dating service. We were ‘chatting’ and we planned to meet for the first time, just an hour later. It was very impromptu, with no real planning behind it. He lived about an hour away, so I figured we had plenty of time to make it to the appointed destination, which was closer to my home than his.

Not only did he arrive slightly early, he held in his hand a flower he had picked up on the way.

That flower was a Game Changer and neither of us realized it until this past weekend.

You see my husband watched me to see how I responded to the flower. It was nice, and I thanked him for it. As the server came to our table, I asked for a glass of water (no ice) for the flower. I didn’t really know what else to do with it, since I didn’t want to put it on the chair or the table because it might get squished. So I cut the stem, right there in the restaurant, and placed it in a glass of water for the duration of our meal.

Doesn’t seem like much, does it?

But my husband was impressed with how I cared for that flower – how I almost seemed to cherish it. I didn’t see it as just a toss-away gesture that some guys make when they’re trying to impress a girl on a first date. I was impressed that he managed to be on time AND stopped on the way to bring me the flower. We didn’t plan it, so he didn’t have time to strategize, and he’s not one to just keep a flower on hand in case an “emergency date” turns up on his calendar.

That flower, that seemingly insignificant gesture, led to 9 dates in 2 weeks’ time. Nearly 7 years later, we have a 4 year old child and a 5 year old marriage that would not have happened, had it not been for that little flower.

Game Changers aren’t the huge, defining moments of our lives, but very often, they are the details that make the difference.

It’s the admission of guilt, which doesn’t change the damage done, but paves the way for forgiveness.

It’s the invitation extended to a stranger to join you for lunch, in an otherwise crowded cafeteria, that paves the way to a big business deal.

It’s the unexpected in the commonplace.

It’s a small kindness that pays a tremendous return – without expectation of any kind.

Those are the Game Changers. And I had a couple this weekend. You’ll learn more about them in the coming weeks, but be assured that these small details are everywhere – if we’re looking for them.

This Game Changer reconfigures our financial landscape. What that means exactly is still being determined, but it’s one more positive step in the process of becoming a true partnership, not just two people married to each other.

What are the Game Changers in your life? Can you point to the seemingly little things that made a big difference in who you are and what your life has meant? I’d love for you to share your thoughts in the comments below.

But these “back-lashers” have started complaining about the ROI, “smash and grab” and generally grumbling about how free isn’t really free, because ultimately someone is paying – either for the time to create the freebie, to sustain the giveaway, or on the back end when there’s an upsell.

To me, that’s a red flag that someone isn’t being sexy in their business. They’re saying “yes” because it’s the thing to do, instead of doing it because it’s what they want to do.

In Gary Vee’s book, Crush It, he makes a comment about how he starts his video show the same way every time, and because of that, he loses a percentage of his potential audience because they don’t like his opening. As a business owner, it drives him nuts that he could have more people watching, but he chooses to stay the course because it’s being true to who he is.

Gary’s being sexy by saying “no” to normal and saying “yes” to memorable.

I have my own confession: my list is not large. I don’t have umpteen gajillion followers on twitter. And I’m happy with that. Would I love tens of thousands of people? Maybe. But the thousands that I do have know me, like me, and trust me enough that they spend money with me regularly. My list is incredibly responsive and on twitter alone, I averaged about $15 for each follower I had in 2009. I’m not bragging here. I’m illustrating a point.

When it comes to lists, size isn’t as important as responsiveness.

And yet, it’s the same mentality we’ve been seeing from online marketers. Put your free samples out there, start raking in people, and see who shakes out and who sticks.

Others charge for everything and wouldn’t think of giving away a scrap of their information. I had a teleclass guest once tell me that everything that she says is under copyright the minute it comes out of her mouth. She was so concerned about getting credit for her work, that she was making herself look foolish on the call. Needless to say, I won’t be asking her back any time soon.

Neither option is the be-all, end-all. In fact, I think there are times where both are appropriate. To me, though, you shouldn’t grump and complain when you get the expected results from the work you do.

If you give something away for free, there will always be a trick-or-treater/tire kicker that just wants the free stuff. It’s the nature of the beast. Don’t begrudge them the very thing you’ve offered them. If you don’t feel good about giving it away to everyone and getting nothing in return, you probably shouldn’t be giving it away in the first place.

That’s what happened with our Super Summit. Our very first event was completely free, with the option to purchase the MP3′s after you registered. Right away we had problems with people that signed up, got the dial in number and unsubscribed. It made it difficult to contact them to share bonus content, etc. But instead of grumbling, I figured those just weren’t the kind of people I wanted to work with in the first place.

Now we charge a small admission fee, and while we don’t get as many sign-ups as when it was free, that minimal barrier to entry has resulted in more qualified customers, better conversion rates, and happier people all around. I feel good that everyone that registers will get an amazing value for their paltry investment (and they do), and customers are ecstatic that they only had to pay a few bucks to get such good, pitch-free content.

Another incredible thing that happened was that fewer people were asking for concessions on the event. At the first summit, we had dozens of requests for free access because someone couldn’t make it live to a call. People asked us to make the calls available for individual purchase so they could just buy the ones they missed. Dozens of people already getting free content asking for more free content.

Really? Um. No.

We tried the individual purchases at our last summit – and sold one. One copy of one audio. Aside from the amount of effort we put into creating the individual products, the demand just wasn’t there. So we didn’t do it this time. Instead we kept the registration fee low, and offered early bird pricing for any audios purchased before the event.

You’d be surprised how many people turn down virtually free content just because it’s not free.

And that’s okay with me.

Because the ones that say “Yes, my business is worth $3″ are the people I want to work with. They’re the folks that recognize the real value of the content – and will probably put it to good use. They’re the folks who recognize that you can’t spend $3 to talk to ANY of the people at this event, but they can listen to all of them share their great ideas for next to nothing.

And this time, I’ve had less than five people play the ‘poor me’ card and ask for free access to audios for the event.

And that’s okay with me.

So while this event may not add tens of thousands of people to my list, I DO know that the folks that are signing up want what we’re sharing with them, and are willing to shell out a few bucks to have access to the content.  It’s not about the number of folks – it’s their effectiveness, responsiveness, and VALUE to me as a business owner that matter much more.

But I still have my free weekly ezines and my opt-in freebies. I still have a marketing ‘funnel’, if you will. And that’s okay too. Some people are very leery when it comes to spending even $3 with a total stranger. So we feed them a little info from time to time, and encourage them to get to know us so they can make an educated decision. Frankly, if you don’t know me, like me and trust me enough to spend $3 with me, I don’t WANT your money. I want my customers eagerly whipping out their wallets because they know in their core the value I provide. They know that any investment I ask of them will return ten to a hundred-fold. They know that it’s not a cost, it’s an investment and they’re willing to make that investment – not in me, but in themselves.

That’s the kind of list I’m building. It may be smaller than some, but it’s mightier than others.

And that’s okay by me.