Gawd, did I just say that?

I was sitting in a masterminding session when it hit me. I’m still reeling from the shock of the concept.
Is it truly possible for me to slow down, uncomplicate things, and still be successful?

Apparently someone other than my husband thinks so.
Several someones, actually.

As a member of Sarah Robinson’s Studio coaching group, I trekked to Atlanta for the second time in as many months, this time to sit in a very intimate group of business owners and focus on helping each other make forward progress in our businesses.

I will confess that I’m pretty good at this stuff – when it comes to helping others. I’m an idea firehose, able to leap small children in a single bound, and spout off concepts from different angles. I see LOTS of angles that other people don’t always consider.

As my teenage son would say, “That’s how I do.”

Yet, for myself, I was perplexed by four possibilities and unable to hone in on a single idea for discussion.
That, in and of itself, became the topic of discussion.

“Maybe you’re making it harder than it has to be.” said one group member.

Open the floodgates, why don’tcha?

For the next half hour, I was wiping my smudged mascara off my cheeks, as everything everyone said sunk in. I tried really hard to not take the “yeah, I know that” mentality, because I really wanted to honor the words they were sharing with me. I tried really hard to not say “yeah, but…” and I essentially made everything more difficult than it needed to be.

I resist the idea that the “Hard Way” isn’t the best way to do things. I’ve built my business, my life, as the bull in the china shop. Tell me I can’t do something? Watch me figure out a way.

And usually, it’s the hard way. But it’s worked for me so far – for the most part.

In this moment, what’s coming to me is a litany of hard luck, come from behind victories in my life.

I won’t bore (or thrill) you with any of them today, because here’s my epiphany: nobody gives you a medal because it takes you longer, costs you more, or it’s more painful, difficult, etc, to achieve your goal.

In the end, the only thing that matters is the result. If it takes you longer, or it’s harder for you, that’s just extra baggage you’re dragging around to complete the picture.

And by you, I mean me.

I carry my hard luck baggage around like a medal of honor. I talk about how I grew up in Flint, and almost brag about how I still live here – like that really means a hill of beans in terms of the success of my business or my life in general.

You know, if I can “make it” here, I can make it anywhere – and so can you.

What a load of hooey.

It doesn’t have to be hard. In fact it SHOULDN’T be hard – unless there’s really no alternative.

And that’s a foreign concept to me.

It’s like trying to describe a rainbow to someone that was born blind. They don’t get nuance, color blending, refraction, water droplets and light. All those elements that can be defined, but can’t be experienced if you’re blind.

And I’ve been blind to the easy way. For me, “doing things the easy way” represents chicanery – that fly-by-night promise of untold riches while you sleep: ”push button” profits and stuff like that.

It feels out of integrity, dishonest, and deceptive.

The fact of the matter is that success in anything requires effort – and sometimes a little hard work or elbow grease.

But another fact of the matter is that you don’t have to kill yourself to be successful. You don’t have to become a martyr to live the life of your dreams – in fact, it’s probably better if you don’t.

So today I’m learning to open up to the idea of effortlessness.

That, in and of itself, is hard to me.

So I guess in a backwards way, I WAS doing things the hard way. (work with me here, I’m a recovering “hard-way” addict).

I really have no frame of reference for effortlessness. About the only thing that comes easy to me is learning. In fact, some people say I’m obnoxious about sharing my knowledge. I don’t try to be. I really want to just help people not do things the hard way – because I’ve spent most of my life doing it that way myself.

There IS an easier, better way. I thought my job was to figure it out for other people.

Problem is, that’s hard, and it sucks – a lot.

So I’m done. Sort of.

Meaning, I WANT to be done. I want to give up doing everything the hard way – and I want to be able to tell my husband he’s right and I’m wro….

But the thing is, it’s easy to say “I’m done”. It’s another thing to cut all ties with doing and being difficult.
So I’m starting small.
I’m moving slower today. Just for today. I’m even being more intentional about the way I type. Being aware of the food I’m eating, the people I’m talking with. Trying to be more “here” – more present in this moment.

That’s hard in a whole different way. I find myself analyzing if I’m “doing it right” – as if there’s a right way to just experience the world around you.

Tomorrow is day two of this slowing down experience. And maybe… just maybe…

I’ll find the pot of gold at the end of this rainbow.

Never permit a dichotomy to rule your life, a dichotomy in which you hate what you do so you can have pleasure in your spare time. Look for a situation in which your work will give you as much happiness as your spare time.  - Pablo Picasso

Don’t misunderstand. I LOVE my work. I love the clients I coach, the flexibility I have to be with my family. There’s very little I don’t like…

…except having to choose between different projects. There’s only so much time in the day, and if I want to honor my family, and my client community, I have to be at least a little picky about projects I promote.

Many of you know I lead a sort of “double life”. I began my online career coaching direct sales professionals. Last year, I launched the Direct Sales Super Summit as a tool to help those clients (and others) achieve greater levels of success in their business. We had so much positive feedback, that we had to change the name to better reflect the audience. We now have about a 50/50 mix of direct sellers and small business owners. Changing the name was a tough call, but it enabled me to get folks like Jimmy Vee and Travis Miller to participate.

In that name change, though, was all kinds of anxiety for me. It meant stepping back from my direct sales focus and embracing the audience I now call home: business minded women and entrepreneurial moms.

The bulk of my clients are still direct sellers, but I’ve noticed that where other direct sales coaches and trainers often complain about how flaky their customers are, I have NEVER had that problem – okay, I had one customer that was a dork, but she flew the coop eons ago. My customers are loyal, honest, and willing to invest in themselves to grow a real business through their direct sales company.

Perhaps that’s the most important distinction: my clients see themselves as business owners. And yet, so much of the world still lumps all direct sellers into the “is this a pyramid scheme?” category.

So I’ve been torn between trying to be the champion of what I call “direct sales professionals” and working with entrepreneurs. The funny thing is, they are one and the same.

And I didn’t figure that out until just now.

I knew it internally. In my heart. I say it all the time – you are the business owner of “You, Inc.” and you need to run your direct sales business like a business and not an expensive hobby. But I also realize that message applies across the board to other entrepreneurs trying to get established in their industry: health coaches, theater owners, web designers, videographers, actors, author – you name it. You have to run a business with a focus on profit, otherwise, it’s an expensive hobby.

I’ve coached direct sellers, and I love it. I’ve also coached all the other clients I mentioned above. There doesn’t seem to be much correlation between them, does there?

Except for that “expensive hobby” concept.

So as I sit here writing this, it becomes even more apparent to me that I don’t need to decide between working with direct sales pros and entrepreneurs. In serving one, I am serving both.

Sure direct sales has a bit of lingo that goes along with it: bookings, recruits, shows, etc. But the principles are the same: create a sustainable business that will help my client achieve their goals, including flexibility of time, increased income, and the ability to live life on their terms.

That’s pretty much the same set of goals that most entrepreneurs have.

All this time, I’ve been told that I needed to choose. I couldn’t serve two masters. Managing two newsletters would be a challenge. As a result, I haven’t launched my newsletter for The Renaissance Mom community yet. I’ve been focusing on creating a separation between the two brands so that I could better ‘segment my market’ – whatever that’s supposed to mean.

The irony is that most of the direct sellers that read “PartyOn!” each week have also signed up to hear more about the Renaissance Mom – without much prompting on my part. And many of the people I expect to attend my live event this August are direct sales pros that are moms, who need to find balance in their lives, just like any other entrepreneurial mom.

Funny how that works.

So I’m all through with arm wrestling with myself – at least about this issue. There’s a box on the page where you can sign up for the new Renaissance Mom Newsletter (I’ve got to give it a name, though, I suppose). You can visit HomePartySolution.com to register for the newsletter for Direct Sales Pros, “PartyOn!”. Yep, that means I’m putting out two newsletters now. God help us all. I hope my assistant can handle all the spell checking.

It also means I’ll be launching new programs – maybe even at the same time. I have an entire system to help busy moms manage their lives and their business. I’ve been wanting to share it for almost a year now, and haven’t been able to find “the right time” to do it.  Here’s a glimpse at the projects sitting on my desk that are ready, and just waiting for me to get them launched:

• Direct Sales 102: Sell More to Earn More
• The PEACE System: Do less, achieve more in 10-20 minutes a day
• Direct Sales 201: Core skills for Direct Sales Leaders
• The Renaissance Mom LIVE Event (okay, that’s happening in August, but we haven’t started selling tickets yet!)

These projects are pretty much in the can. But I’ve been grappling with timing things, sharing too much info, and overloading my readers with too many promos.

Ugh. Maybe I’m expecting too much from my list, but I think you’re smart enough to know what will work for you and what won’t. If I’m sending you too much email, you’ll let me know – (I try to keep it to 1 or 2 messages a week if you’re not in a current program). If you’re on multiple lists, I trust you know what you’re doing. If I’m totally up in the night, I’m going to trust that you’ll call me on it.

And if I’m wrong, I’ll get a flood of unsubscribes, and I’ll have to start from scratch.

Does that sound reasonable? Am I just a goofball for actually putting faith in my list of loyal subscribers? I’d love your feedback. Post a comment below and let me know what you think about the projects I’m planning. Sound good? Sound stupid? Your feedback matters.

“I used to be like you.”

Of course, the thoughts that ran through my head were many. In what way was that meant? How is it my client was once like me? In what way?

I didn’t want to interrupt the train of thought, but that notion kept kicking at the back of my head.

So finally, as the conversation lulled, I brought my client back to the statement.

“What did you mean by ‘I used to be like you’?” I asked, in my best non-threatening tone of voice.

“Fearless.” was the reply. There was more to it than that, but that word really stuck in my head.

Me? Fearless?

Surely you jest. You certainly don’t know me very well.

So I put out a tweet. And one of my colleagues was quick to point out that she, too, thinks I’m fearless. Her definition, though, gave me a bit more peace. She said that I “feel the fear and do it anyway”, which to me, is not the same thing. But I understood where she was coming from.

Once again, definitions make a difference.

My comment back to her was that I am a “walking steamer trunk o’ fear”. And in that statement, a flurry of replies and DM’s made me feel as if some ancient mystery had been revealed.

When things are going well for me, my brain whirs with all the proactive “what if’s” that allow me to predict, plan and adapt my business to the changing landscape around me. When things aren’t going well, I’m looking for solutions to improve the situation, turn the tide in my business, and bring myself to a new level of excellence.

That’s a fancy way of saying my brain is always spinning with ideas – when things are going well or not. A lot of that activity is because I know that if I slow down for just a single second, fear will grip me, root me to the spot, and pull me into the earth like some bad horror flick.

I wake up in the morning full of doubts, worries, anxieties and fears. Most of them are drowned out by the other noises in my head or my extra long to-do list that I create just to distract my head. I get a lot accomplished, because I’m afraid to sit still. Afraid life will pass me by.

Afraid, afraid, afraid. It’s like a rope tightly wound around my neck.

Funny thing about saying a word over and over again – it starts to lose it’s meaning. The letters start to stand alone, and the sounds blur together.

I was raised with the notion that if you want something done, and done well, you’ve got to do it yourself. Delegation has been a huge obstacle for me. Afraid I wouldn’t get things out on time, afraid projects wouldn’t be done to my standards, etc. I decided to get help. Now, I have a great team of people (that’s growing) to support me as we grow this business.

Afraid, afraid, a-frayed.

I was told that if I wanted to make something happen in the world, I couldn’t sit idly by – I had to go out and take action on things. So I emailed, tweeted, and connected with people I thought would be good people to know. I was afraid they’d make fun of me, afraid they’d ignore me, if I just approached them blindly. So I hired them, worked with them, promoted them, and in return, they’ve become amazing people to know – and great resources for my own business.

Afraid, a-frayed, a-frayed.

I was told that I could be anything I wanted to be, if I truly wanted to make it happen. So I did what my Momma told me, and started shaping my life to my own standard. I was afraid it wouldn’t work out, that things would fall apart, and that my life would be a freaking huge disaster. It’s a work in progress, admittedly. Considering the alternative, I am pleased with my direction. Yes, I face setbacks, and things don’t always go the way I planned, but more often than not, they do – or something better appears. Something that I never even DREAMED for myself just steps into my field of view. And I see a new goal on the horizon that looks delicious and keeps me in hot pursuit. In fact, I’ve pretty much realized that with enough faith and tenacity, anything is possible.

A-frayed, a-frayed, a-frayed.

And when the rope’s all frayed, it isn’t very strong.

I’ve learned in the past year, that the biggest obstacle between where I want my life to be, and where I am presently, are the beliefs and values that I hold for myself. More to the point, it’s the beliefs and values I hold for myself that are out of alignment with -or disconnected from – the image of who I really want to be in the world.

And it’s fear that stands in the gap.

Fear is an emotional response that has it’s own rules of logic. When I figured that out, it became relatively easy (and difficult) to overcome some of those fears. It takes time, and lots of ammunition, but it’s possible.

That doesn’t make me fearless, unless you mean to say I have less fear now than I did before. There are still things I’m not ready to face in my life. Things I’m putting off for another day. I like to tackle the low-hanging fruit first. The funny thing is that just by tackling the low hanging fruit, I’ve made tremendous leaps in my business in the past two years.

What is your low-hanging fear? What’s one of the seemingly small fears that seizes you up from time to time? What can you do to take the emotion out of that fear and slowly chip away at it until you have a belief that matches the person you want to be in the world?

Take that step. However small or insignificant it may seem. Take it.

Along the highway, there’s a tree growing out of a rock out in the arid Intermountain West – where the old railway lines used to run. The story I was told goes like this:

A train engineer was chugging along and saw this sapling sprout in the rock. Each time he passed the rock he would water the sapling. Eventually, other engineers would shower water on the rock as they passed. Over time, that sapling sent out deep roots, split the rock enough that it could survive, and now, a full grown, albeit twisted and weatherbeaten, tree grows out of this boulder.

The tree is either your fear or your faith. The rock is either your faith or your fear. It all depends on your perception.