The Dichotomy of Me
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Never permit a dichotomy to rule your life, a dichotomy in which you hate what you do so you can have pleasure in your spare time. Look for a situation in which your work will give you as much happiness as your spare time. - Pablo Picasso
Don’t misunderstand. I LOVE my work. I love the clients I coach, the flexibility I have to be with my family. There’s very little I don’t like…
…except having to choose between different projects. There’s only so much time in the day, and if I want to honor my family, and my client community, I have to be at least a little picky about projects I promote.
Many of you know I lead a sort of “double life”. I began my online career coaching direct sales professionals. Last year, I launched the Direct Sales Super Summit as a tool to help those clients (and others) achieve greater levels of success in their business. We had so much positive feedback, that we had to change the name to better reflect the audience. We now have about a 50/50 mix of direct sellers and small business owners. Changing the name was a tough call, but it enabled me to get folks like Jimmy Vee and Travis Miller to participate.
In that name change, though, was all kinds of anxiety for me. It meant stepping back from my direct sales focus and embracing the audience I now call home: business minded women and entrepreneurial moms.
The bulk of my clients are still direct sellers, but I’ve noticed that where other direct sales coaches and trainers often complain about how flaky their customers are, I have NEVER had that problem – okay, I had one customer that was a dork, but she flew the coop eons ago. My customers are loyal, honest, and willing to invest in themselves to grow a real business through their direct sales company.
Perhaps that’s the most important distinction: my clients see themselves as business owners. And yet, so much of the world still lumps all direct sellers into the “is this a pyramid scheme?” category.
So I’ve been torn between trying to be the champion of what I call “direct sales professionals” and working with entrepreneurs. The funny thing is, they are one and the same.
And I didn’t figure that out until just now.
I knew it internally. In my heart. I say it all the time – you are the business owner of “You, Inc.” and you need to run your direct sales business like a business and not an expensive hobby. But I also realize that message applies across the board to other entrepreneurs trying to get established in their industry: health coaches, theater owners, web designers, videographers, actors, author – you name it. You have to run a business with a focus on profit, otherwise, it’s an expensive hobby.
I’ve coached direct sellers, and I love it. I’ve also coached all the other clients I mentioned above. There doesn’t seem to be much correlation between them, does there?
Except for that “expensive hobby” concept.
So as I sit here writing this, it becomes even more apparent to me that I don’t need to decide between working with direct sales pros and entrepreneurs. In serving one, I am serving both.
Sure direct sales has a bit of lingo that goes along with it: bookings, recruits, shows, etc. But the principles are the same: create a sustainable business that will help my client achieve their goals, including flexibility of time, increased income, and the ability to live life on their terms.
That’s pretty much the same set of goals that most entrepreneurs have.
All this time, I’ve been told that I needed to choose. I couldn’t serve two masters. Managing two newsletters would be a challenge. As a result, I haven’t launched my newsletter for The Renaissance Mom community yet. I’ve been focusing on creating a separation between the two brands so that I could better ‘segment my market’ – whatever that’s supposed to mean.
The irony is that most of the direct sellers that read “PartyOn!” each week have also signed up to hear more about the Renaissance Mom – without much prompting on my part. And many of the people I expect to attend my live event this August are direct sales pros that are moms, who need to find balance in their lives, just like any other entrepreneurial mom.
Funny how that works.
So I’m all through with arm wrestling with myself – at least about this issue. There’s a box on the page where you can sign up for the new Renaissance Mom Newsletter (I’ve got to give it a name, though, I suppose). You can visit HomePartySolution.com to register for the newsletter for Direct Sales Pros, “PartyOn!”. Yep, that means I’m putting out two newsletters now. God help us all. I hope my assistant can handle all the spell checking.
It also means I’ll be launching new programs – maybe even at the same time. I have an entire system to help busy moms manage their lives and their business. I’ve been wanting to share it for almost a year now, and haven’t been able to find “the right time” to do it. Here’s a glimpse at the projects sitting on my desk that are ready, and just waiting for me to get them launched:
- Direct Sales 102: Sell More to Earn More
- The PEACE System: Do less, achieve more in 10-20 minutes a day
- Direct Sales 201: Core skills for Direct Sales Leaders
- The Renaissance Mom LIVE Event (okay, that’s happening in August, but we haven’t started selling tickets yet!)
These projects are pretty much in the can. But I’ve been grappling with timing things, sharing too much info, and overloading my readers with too many promos.
Ugh. Maybe I’m expecting too much from my list, but I think you’re smart enough to know what will work for you and what won’t. If I’m sending you too much email, you’ll let me know – (I try to keep it to 1 or 2 messages a week if you’re not in a current program). If you’re on multiple lists, I trust you know what you’re doing. If I’m totally up in the night, I’m going to trust that you’ll call me on it.
And if I’m wrong, I’ll get a flood of unsubscribes, and I’ll have to start from scratch.
Does that sound reasonable? Am I just a goofball for actually putting faith in my list of loyal subscribers? I’d love your feedback. Post a comment below and let me know what you think about the projects I’m planning. Sound good? Sound stupid? Your feedback matters.
Fearlessness
Sitting in a client meeting, something was said that made me cock my head like the dog in the old RCA Victor ads.
“I used to be like you.”
Of course, the thoughts that ran through my head were many. In what way was that meant? How is it my client was once like me? In what way?
I didn’t want to interrupt the train of thought, but that notion kept kicking at the back of my head.
So finally, as the conversation lulled, I brought my client back to the statement.
“What did you mean by ‘I used to be like you’?” I asked, in my best non-threatening tone of voice.
“Fearless.” was the reply. There was more to it than that, but that word really stuck in my head.
Me? Fearless?
Surely you jest. You certainly don’t know me very well.
So I put out a tweet. And one of my colleagues was quick to point out that she, too, thinks I’m fearless. Her definition, though, gave me a bit more peace. She said that I “feel the fear and do it anyway”, which to me, is not the same thing. But I understood where she was coming from.
Once again, definitions make a difference.
My comment back to her was that I am a “walking steamer trunk o’ fear”. And in that statement, a flurry of replies and DM’s made me feel as if some ancient mystery had been revealed.
When things are going well for me, my brain whirs with all the proactive “what if’s” that allow me to predict, plan and adapt my business to the changing landscape around me. When things aren’t going well, I’m looking for solutions to improve the situation, turn the tide in my business, and bring myself to a new level of excellence.
That’s a fancy way of saying my brain is always spinning with ideas – when things are going well or not. A lot of that activity is because I know that if I slow down for just a single second, fear will grip me, root me to the spot, and pull me into the earth like some bad horror flick.
I wake up in the morning full of doubts, worries, anxieties and fears. Most of them are drowned out by the other noises in my head or my extra long to-do list that I create just to distract my head. I get a lot accomplished, because I’m afraid to sit still. Afraid life will pass me by.
Afraid, afraid, afraid. It’s like a rope tightly wound around my neck.
Funny thing about saying a word over and over again – it starts to lose it’s meaning. The letters start to stand alone, and the sounds blur together.
I was raised with the notion that if you want something done, and done well, you’ve got to do it yourself. Delegation has been a huge obstacle for me. Afraid I wouldn’t get things out on time, afraid projects wouldn’t be done to my standards, etc. I decided to get help. Now, I have a great team of people (that’s growing) to support me as we grow this business.
Afraid, afraid, a-frayed.
I was told that if I wanted to make something happen in the world, I couldn’t sit idly by – I had to go out and take action on things. So I emailed, tweeted, and connected with people I thought would be good people to know. I was afraid they’d make fun of me, afraid they’d ignore me, if I just approached them blindly. So I hired them, worked with them, promoted them, and in return, they’ve become amazing people to know – and great resources for my own business.
Afraid, a-frayed, a-frayed.
I was told that I could be anything I wanted to be, if I truly wanted to make it happen. So I did what my Momma told me, and started shaping my life to my own standard. I was afraid it wouldn’t work out, that things would fall apart, and that my life would be a freaking huge disaster. It’s a work in progress, admittedly. Considering the alternative, I am pleased with my direction. Yes, I face setbacks, and things don’t always go the way I planned, but more often than not, they do – or something better appears. Something that I never even DREAMED for myself just steps into my field of view. And I see a new goal on the horizon that looks delicious and keeps me in hot pursuit. In fact, I’ve pretty much realized that with enough faith and tenacity, anything is possible.
A-frayed, a-frayed, a-frayed.
And when the rope’s all frayed, it isn’t very strong.
I’ve learned in the past year, that the biggest obstacle between where I want my life to be, and where I am presently, are the beliefs and values that I hold for myself. More to the point, it’s the beliefs and values I hold for myself that are out of alignment with -or disconnected from – the image of who I really want to be in the world.
And it’s fear that stands in the gap.
Fear is an emotional response that has it’s own rules of logic. When I figured that out, it became relatively easy (and difficult) to overcome some of those fears. It takes time, and lots of ammunition, but it’s possible.
That doesn’t make me fearless, unless you mean to say I have less fear now than I did before. There are still things I’m not ready to face in my life. Things I’m putting off for another day. I like to tackle the low-hanging fruit first. The funny thing is that just by tackling the low hanging fruit, I’ve made tremendous leaps in my business in the past two years.
What is your low-hanging fear? What’s one of the seemingly small fears that seizes you up from time to time? What can you do to take the emotion out of that fear and slowly chip away at it until you have a belief that matches the person you want to be in the world?
Take that step. However small or insignificant it may seem. Take it.
Along the highway, there’s a tree growing out of a rock out in the arid Intermountain West – where the old railway lines used to run. The story I was told goes like this:
A train engineer was chugging along and saw this sapling sprout in the rock. Each time he passed the rock he would water the sapling. Eventually, other engineers would shower water on the rock as they passed. Over time, that sapling sent out deep roots, split the rock enough that it could survive, and now, a full grown, albeit twisted and weatherbeaten, tree grows out of this boulder.
The tree is either your fear or your faith. The rock is either your faith or your fear. It all depends on your perception.
The Power of the MasterMind
So today I’m hopping on a plane and heading to D.C.
Say a prayer for me for a safe flight, and for my husband for an uneventful week ahead.
This will be the first time since my son’s health issues that I’ve left him alone with the kids. And I’m doing it again next month, too.
In my last few posts, I’ve talked about priorities and sacrifice. Today’s Sweetest Day in the States, which is just another holiday cooked up by the greeting card industry to give Walentine’s day a partner in crime.
So on a day of remembering your love, I’m leaving town.
I swear, it’s not a Freudian thing.
This will also be the first time I’ve ever connected live and in person with the members of my amazing mastermind group.
These four fantastic women have made the commitment every week to hop on the phone, wherever they are in the world, and share their joys, concerns, wins, challenges, and ideas to help bolster each other, celebrate, and challenge both personal and professional growth.
Watch out Washington D.C.! If congress could work together like that, what an amazing country this would be!
In the months we’ve been together, there have been amazing milestones. Financial (the first $20,000 month), personal (dealing with serious family issues), and organizational (building companies from scratch right before our eyes). Breakthroughs, bonding and business building are a “weekly thang” for us. It’s truly remarkable.
We’ve called in on vacation in Hawaii, while driving in the mountains, or having a sleep over at a friend’s house. We’ve seen each other through family trials, business trials and courtroom “trials”.
And for the first time ever, we’re all going to be in the same room at the same time on Sunday.
Oh what a day that will be.
Now, I can’t speak for the others in my group. But for me, this has been (and continues to be) one of the most powerful groups in which I have ever been involved. thanks to the support of these amazing women, I’ve watched my business and my life blossom into something I never expected.
To be frank, I came to the group thinking I had little more than my wild ideas to contribute. I felt like I was going to be pulling down the average with these amazing women.
You know the Jim Rohn-ism “you are the average of the 5 people you hang around most”? Well, I was worried that after spending most of the day with my children, I’d have little to offer these fine ladies.
And yet, this has been the most amazing give and take, idea-generating, business boosting group. And they all tell me the same thing – so I can hope that I’ve had SOME hand in all that positive energy going around.
I’ve been re-reading Think and Grow Rich this week as I prepare for both my trip to D.C. and to Ali Brown’s SHINE event in Vegas. (shameless plug)
Regardless of your stance on the whole “law of attraction” philosophy, there’s something to be said for having a mastermind type group. When you are able to brainstorm and bounce ideas off other people, inevitably, something bigger and better comes out of it.
For this reason, if for no other, I am a firm believer that everyone needs a mastermind of their own.
And so, I’m boarding a plane today, to not only connect with these wonderful people, but to share my gratitude in person. I already know there’ll be laughter, tears and a ton of fun on this trip.
I’m also doing major league annual planning – something on a bigger scale than I’ve ever done before in my business. I’m nervous, excited and can’t wait to report back all the exciting news and developments from the weekend.
Overture… Curtain lights… Chicago!
So in my mad ramblings, I don’t talk too much about my personal life. I figure there’s more important stuff going on in the world besides me.
But today, I’m sharing pictures from a recent birthday party.
What makes this party so unique is that the attendees were, for the most part, cast member from a local production of the musical, Chicago.
One cast member, Aaron, celebrated his 20th birthday and invited all of us cast folk to join in the soiree. He’s the Blonde in that first picture, standing next to Anthony.
It was such a blast to see the cast reunite for something like this. We spent a few months together working our BUTTS off for this production. Choreography was tough – at least for locals that haven’t had a dance class in eons. Music was challenging, but we were blessed with some very talented cast members that could out-sing some of the greats on the karaoke stage – and some of us really tried, believe me.
So we ate, drank and had pickles – it’s a tradition, the pickles. You’ll have to ask me about it sometime.
But why is this in a Marketing Blog, you ask? Well, a couple of reasons. This blog also doubles as an occasionally personal blog (deal with it), and because it emphasizes what a good story (Chicago), a loyal customer base (the cast and crew), and a powerful product (Vertigo Theatrics) can bring about.
Ted, the guy that runs the show over there, is really a humble giant of a guy. In our many conversations, one of the things that he’s touched on is the fear that he’s not making a difference in the lives of people in our area. Now I’ve worked with Ted on several other productions where the cast and crew become close in an almost magical way, but he always wrote it off as a fluke. Well, I think the third time’s not a coincidence: it’s what makes a good theater company GREAT:
Jen and Steve, to my knowledge, have never done a show together before. This show stretched Steve in a leading role. Jen had to dig deep for some amazing choreography. This show really brought them together and gave them a new “thing to do” as husband and wife.
New friendships were forged – some of which transformed lives. People came to this show with broken pieces, and somehow, through the power of theater, shared trials and a good belly laugh, they found themselves on the mend.
Super HEROES came to the rescue. Anthony’s folks gave us an amazing set, and raised the bar for all of Ted’s future productions. And don’t get me started on the amazing job Barb did on the costumes. Selfless giving. Yeah, they’ll say it was because they wanted Anthony’s first production to be spectacular, but few people give of themselves that way for total strangers – even if their kid is involved. And the tireless day-in, day-out work of Ted’s “better half”, Jacque is a testament to the passion they both have for this community.
And me? I just took it all in. Making notes so that Ted couldn’t backpedal on this one. There was so much joy in a room that never would have been there if it weren’t for companies like this, productions like this, and people like Ted and Jacque who found a passion and nurtured it with “Class”.
There were others in this cast of characters that didn’t hang around long enough to pose, and others still that couldn’t make it to this seemingly simple birthday party.
But this was a party unlike most. This was a cast of strangers that became friends for a time, who reunited for one of their own to celebrate, remember, and be grateful. These people have their own paths in life and will take new directions now that the show is over.
But I think it’s safe to say we were ALL transformed by what a little passion can do.
THANKS, TED! And HAPPY BIRTHDAY AARON!