The Power of Slow
My five year old came up to me the other day and asked if he could have a motorcycle.
“Um, let’s see if you can figure out how to work the scooter you got for Christmas first, honey.”
Seems logical, right? But in the moment of watching his mini-tirade about wanting to “go fast” and “sit up high” I was reminded of my own tirades against “paying my dues” in the various professions and industries I’ve served over the years.
Read MoreOther Gifts
No birthday hangovers here.
In fact, the birthday wasn’t much different from every other day this year. I had promised myself to take the day off, but it just wasn’t very convenient to do so.
So I walked the kid to school, and worked on website issues with my tech team, and dealt with a few “fires” that had to be put out.
It was pretty much an uneventful birthday.
At first, this did not set well with me. See, I’m an action taker – a DO-er – and sitting around NOT doing what I wanted to do kind of pissed me off.
Read MoreWishes
So my birthday is coming up fast… and for some reason, over the past few years, I didn’t enjoy my birthday like I used to.
It’s not because I’m getting older.
It’s because somewhere along the line, I’d given over my power to someone else.
I’ve been waiting for someone else to “make me happy” on my birthday.
Holding my breath in the days before my birthday to see what my husband was going to do to celebrate.
Waiting with baited breath as I unwrapped a gift hoping it would be something I was wanting.
Instead of taking charge of my own celebration.
See, I had always wished that someone would do up a big ol’ surprise party with balloons, a pretty cake, fun music and lots of smiles. I wished I would open presents galore, be surrounded by family and friends, and generally just feel a whole lotta love in the room.
But for all the wishing, there was no action.
Some years, husband manages to get me a card, sometimes not. Sometimes there’s a gift, sometimes “it’s in the mail.” Last year, I got so excite when my facebook wall was filled with birthday greetings. I spent most of the day replying, saying thanks. Somehow, I felt “loved” because so many people (most likely prompted by facebook’s birthday application) took a minute to give me birthday greetings.
It got me to thinking about where I had given up my power in my own life…
And I’ve been a fool to leave celebrating my life in the hands of others.
This isn’t about trust. It’s about valuing myself enough to ask for what I want and enjoy life my way.
Why in God’s name am I wishing for someone else to do something that I could easily make happen myself?
I can pick up a phone, invite my friends and family to come together and celebrate my birthday. I can select a gift for myself that I really enjoy. I can play wonderful music and I certainly know a friend or two that can craft an exceptional cake.
In my coaching practice, I talk about “the magic bullet” that clients come looking for – that panacea that will cure all their ills – the ruby slippers that make all the pain and effort go away.
In life, we can fall prey to this same concept in insidious ways: giving our power over to other people in our lives – or other people we want in our lives. Instead of taking charge of our own happenings, we “step back” and hope that someone will step in to handle something for us, when we’re completely qualified and capable of doing it ourselves.
“But it’s my birthday… I shouldn’t be in charge of my own party! That’s kind of selfish, isn’t it?”
Well, I’d rather be a little self indulgent and enjoy myself, than be a miserable “martyr” – wouldn’t you?
Plus, I’ve made a commitment to be more intentional about not living in the “shoulds”, thankyouverymuch!
2012 has a lot to live up to. I expect some amazing things to happen – and I plan on making as much of it happen as possible, instead of waiting around for someone else do “handle it” for me.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m still asking for help, making more friends, and doing my utmost to practice self-care. At the same time, I’m stepping back into that person I was years ago when I learned how to record and produce two full-length albums all on my own.
I’m ready to celebrate. What about you?
Read MoreThe End of One Journey
I was sitting in my mastermind session with @SarahRobinson, @TamiMorello, and @JudiKnight, over-thinking, as usual. In my mind, I was seeing a skydiver, preparing to jump. Words were swirling in my brain: About changes, and exploration, and things that had to stop, so other things could begin.
Judi started recounting a memory about a need to have time to explore, and figure stuff out before you could take a next step.
And in my brain, the image of a skydiver, timing the opening of his chute, came vividly into view.
See, a jumper can’t pull the rip cord as soon as his feet are clear of the plane.
There has to be some amount of freefall - away from the plane, out into the open. In one respect, freefall is actually a safety mechanism to make sure the jumper is clear of the plane.
Then, when the cord is pulled and the chute begins to open, the jumper is actually lifted up a bit, as the air fills the chute and slows the descent of the jumper.
Pull the cord too soon, and you could get sucked back into the plane’s engines (youch).
Pull the cord too late, and you end up splatted on the ground (double youch!)
Some jumpers count the seconds until the pull. Others enjoy the view on the way down. They explore the feeling of freefall and look around to see what’s on the horizon, etc.
This brought me back to Judi’s comment about needing time to explore.
Essentially, there are times in our journey, when we need to give ourselves permission to explore, to play the field, to experiment and figure stuff out. To try on new hats, and see which ones we like. We need an opportunity to journey our path of trials and see what awaits us.
I remember the scene in “The Princess Bride” when Westley is recounting how he inherited the “Dread Pirate Roberts” title. He shares with Princess Buttercup how he spent 5 years learning “fencing, fighting – anything anyone would teach him” and ultimately assumed the pirate role when his predecessor retired.
While I don’t think I need 5 years, nor do I want to become the Dread Pirate Roberts per se, it is time to assume my new role.
The Renaissance Mom is an important chapter in my journey. It’s my sandbox, my testing ground. It’s the place where I’ve given myself permission to explore, recreate, mold, scratch out and start over. It’s been a sounding board and a haven for the brain bombs that have kept me up and thinking.
There’s a point on every hero’s journey after they cross a threshold that the path of trials starts to come to an end. They’ve figured out how to defeat the giant, and the hero actually starts living the life of a hero. There’s a freedom and even a bit of ease about life again on the other side of the trials.
You need time to ramble and explore, to get bloodied up on the path of trials and test your mettle, if you will. That’s when you find out if you really do have what it takes to be a hero.
The Renaissance Mom has been my outpost, my “three broomsticks”, my refuge between trials, where I could document this journey and hopefully help others along the way.
And now, it’s time for my next Renaissance.
When I created The Renaissance Mom, I didn’t know for sure how it would turn out. I knew I wanted to help entrepreneurs, and I’ve spent the last year working through what that looks like and how the next evolution will manifest itself in the world.
That day is finally here.
No longer will you see me blogging here. The site will remain up through the end of the year, most likely, but no new posts are being planned. Eventually, even the 30 days to Renaissance will fade away.
Instead, I invite you to join me on the next phase of my adventure: Business Action Hero is obviously not a title that will resonate with everyone, but it’s an incredibly accurate representation of where I’m headed next. Having taking the last year to work on my own renaissance, I know it requires action, faith and a bit of heroism to be a business owner. Business Action Hero is my next evolution, and I’ll be there to help other entrepreneurs to become the hero of their own business, and navigate their own journey.
Until we meet again on the journey…
Read MoreFiring Clients, Friends and Colleagues
It’s been a whirlwind week for me.
I’m in the throes of the Small Biz Super Summit, along with a new client project, and preparing for the launch of a new division of my business.
And I get an email from a client, angry with me for “violating her privacy”.
The claim was unfounded, and after resolving the misunderstanding, I finally decided to let her go.
Yes, I fired my client.
You are FIRED!
See, there comes a time in your business life where enduring the stress and strain of some clients isn’t worth ANY sum of money. Some of you have heard me say this before, but I wanted to let you know that I still face this issue from time to time – despite my well-crafted Perfect-Fit Customer Profiles.
Not only did this client email me with false accusations, she also launched into a tirade in a group forum of her company, where other people could hear her rant (and later report back to me), but I could not offer the slightest commentary on the situation.
Instead of coming directly to the source of the issue (presumably me), she chose to make a spectacle of herself in front of other potential clients.
Let’s be clear: I have a loyalty to my clients. I also have a loyalty to my family. If you try to prevent me from earning a living to feed my family, my loyalty dries up like so much old paint.
There are a number of lessons from this event, which I’ll save for another post. But then, I had to fire a colleague.
At one time, this person and I traveled in relatively similar circles. I shared my book with her, and invited her into my community to share her wisdom. Over time, our paths diverged in the wilderness, but I still kept some contact with her and thought of her as a colleague I would refer business to.
Then, the unthinkable happened.
She “wrote” a post on her blog, and tweeted out the link. Because the title was a direct quote of something I say ALL the time, I thought it was worth checking out, and possibly sharing with my own audience. It was a great post. She had pulled much of the content straight out of my book – with a few additions (presumably of her own) to make it her own.
I was shocked. Firstly because I knew this thief. Secondly, because I really didn’t think that much of myself that someone would want to steal my stuff (that’s another post all unto itself).
There are stories like this all over the place. The first one that comes to mind is Jeff Slutsky’s story about Office Depot using his “six dollar haircut” story in an ad that ran last year. Slutsky, however, had a happier ending than I believe I will.
Not only did this “colleague” plagiarize my work, but when I commented on her blog with a “great post” kind of remark, it was deleted.
So not only did she steal my stuff, she KNEW she was stealing it and, frankly, didn’t seem to care.
At first, I tried to relax and ignore it. But this nagging feeling wouldn’t go away. Especially since this same person had publicly remarked at an earlier point in our business lives that she felt that at some point everything she ever learned became “hers” to teach as her own.
I consulted my amazingly grounded and insightful coach, @SarahRobinson, who indicated that while she was not surprised at the person in question, that it was mostly sapping my energy in a way that wouldn’t give me resolution.
So I fired my “colleague”. Putting more distance between us, and spending as little energy as possible on the situation.
Tip: Nobody “just knows” everything. We all learn from someone. Give credit where credit is due, folks.
Thinking I was finished with all the firing for a single week, I then had to fire a friend.
This person was fairly close to me, and sadly, known to be a bit out of control emotionally. Their behavior could get pretty outrageous at times, and if alcohol was involved, well, let’s just say only the sober people in the room would remember what happened.
This person is an incredibly smart, insightful, enjoyable person, with an enormous heart and fiercely loyal – until their emotional issues rear their ugly head(s). It gets so bad that they start to believe their own lies as truths. It’s been going on for years – longer than I’ve even known them.
Well, the lies finally caught up this week. And I couldn’t be there to help fix the problem. The problem was really beyond fixing. All enabling had to stop, and the truth had to be revealed.
I had entrusted this friend with a special task, and that task remains undone. The good news is that I wasn’t counting on them to complete the task, and had a back-up plan in place. The bad news is that I wasn’t counting on this friend to complete the task, and had a back-up plan in place.
So when word got around that they were playing around doing other things instead of focusing on the task they committed to, I fired the friend.
Well, a temporary lay-off, anyway.
We can be as well-meaning as we want to be, but when you make a commitment, in my mind, you stick to it. Come Hell or high water.
And lest you see this as an incredibly downer post, I want to assure you that I firmly believe that God is nudging me to create space to accommodate newer, better, more constructive relationships in my life and work.
I can already see it happening. With the awesome help of my coach (did you see her Relationships project?), and the internal journey I’m travelling, there are new friends on the horizon, new clients on the books, and better colleagues to forge ahead with (ending a sentence with a preposition, ACK!).
Bring. It. On.
Read MoreAbout Me
Storyteller. Transformer. Entrepreneur. I've won a few awards for writing, music and design, and I'm not resting on my laurels. I focus my energy on helping you succeed and get results. Be sure to say hi, leave a comment and get involved. That's how I roll. Coming Soon
