Posts Tagged "congruence"

Don’t Have a “Fallback Plan”

Posted by LisaYoung in Big Ideas, Faith |

My mom, as much as she had my best interests at heart, did me a huge disservice. Chances are good your folks did too.

At least, if you’re an entrepreneur like me, you might believe as I do that the phrase “fallback plan” is the most life-usurping ill-advised phrase our loved ones could ever offer.

As a child, my vision was to become a rock star. I had Mozart-like tendencies as a kid, composing music before I stared Kindergarten. And no, not “Mary Had A Little Lamb” kinds of things. I had compiled an entire album of music in a variety of genres by the time I was in grade school. Talent shows were my platform to share my prowess, and I was even party to an all-girl group a few of us founded in 6th grade that performed an original pop-style tune at our talent show.

We rocked the house. It helped that the house was packed with family, but we all had vocal ability, and being in the gifted program, none of us were dumb as a box of rocks.

By Junior High, I had compiled and submitted to the U.S. copyright office my first collection of compositions. I was looking for music composition or music business programs at my universities of choice, and was taking every opportunity to hone my craft. The singer-songwriter route to stardom ain’t an easy one, and I figured I needed to get started ASAP if I was going to “make it big” some day.

I graduated high school with a couple of fly by night record deals – but it was enough to impress my friends and leave me feeling like I was really going to be somebody. As I prepared for college, and focused in on a music composition degree, my mother “gently coerced” me into considering a degree in music education.

“That way, you’ll have a fall back plan if the rock star thing doesn’t work out for you.”

Arrgh.

It takes a certain kind of person to be a teacher – especially in a public school setting – and I ain’t that kind of person. Too many of my aunts, and even my mother, stood at a whiteboard/chalkboard and tried to maintain order in a classroom full of students that didn’t always want to be there, and even worse didn’t always appreciate the hard work they were putting in for so little pay.

Not my idea of a good time, and certainly not a cushion I’d like to fall back to if things in my dream career didn’t work out.

Now I know what Mom was getting at. She didn’t want to see me trodding home, tail tucked between my legs when Universal Music sent me a rejection letter (they did, sort of). She didn’t want me to get my heart broken or end up drugged out on the road. She didn’t want to see me lose everything to an unscrupulous “manager” or something else like that.

She basically just wanted me to be safe, have a nice comfy job with benefits, put in my 40 hours and go home healthy and happy.

Because to her, SOMETHING was better than nothing.

What she didn’t realize is that, for an entrepreneur, that life isn’t something. It’s more NOTHING than you could possibly imagine.

Or maybe she did.

Mom constantly had her hand in some entrepreneurial endeavor. There was a running commentary in our family about the new business venture my mom had every season: snow plow, antique store, ebay, etc. As a child, I remember staying up all night pressing the “print” button over and over for a document she sold in local stores that charted the winning lottery number trends for the past 10 years.

She was quite an entrepreneur. Yet she never climbed out of the poverty bucket. She was a true “Shin-Ob-ite” as I like to call it. Always being pulled from one money making venture to another. As soon as the income would slow down in one venture, she’d move on to the next.

And therein was the dilemma that shaped her perspective and desire for me to have a fallback plan.

She didn’t want to see me starving, scraping together every penny – picking up pop cans, recycling copper wire, holding endless garage sales – just to keep my kids fed with a roof over their heads. She wanted me to have stability, financial security, peace of mind.

That would be great for someone that actually valued that stuff. Much to my husband’s chagrin, those are lesser priorities for me. Yes, I want to be sure my mortgage is paid, and that the kids won’t starve, but for me, taking a risk is part and parcel to the entrepreneurial life I’ve chosen.

The plan b breaks my heart – it’s a crutch. It keeps so many amazingly talented people from ever living their dreams because of fear.

I filed bankruptcy after my ‘young and stupid days’ in my 20′s. Here’s what I learned: If you go bankrupt, your credit will be in the toilet, but you won’t die. You just have to learn to live on less, and financing (credit, etc) is a little harder for a while. You can survive and come out even stronger on the other side.

I worked as a financial advisor for a while. Here’s what I learned: most people have some kind of financial horror story – student loans, old debts from bad relationships, overspending, secret credit cards – and all of it can be resolved.

I was on welfare for a while. Here’s what I learned: It sucks. The way the system worked in my community made it virtually impossible for you to pull yourself out of the system as long as you were using the system. So I got off welfare, and busted my butt to get the bills paid.

Plan B will hold you back. I never got that music ed degree. I do have a degree in music theory/music history, with a minor in vocal performance and 2 albums to my credit. I toured, recorded, promoted and THEN decided to make a change. I wasn’t a Rock Star, per se, but I did all the things I wanted to do as a rock star – including getting a standing ovation from an arena of screaming fans. I didn’t have to live a rock star lifestyle to live my dreams.

Did I settle for a Plan B? Nope. I changed my vision for my life.

I got the degree I wanted, but I still don’t use it in my daily life. I once read somewhere that about half of the degrees in the U.S. go unused because we end up working in different fields. I wanted to be a musician. I did that (I still do from time to time). Then I decided that having a family would be cool. So I’m doing that now. And as my vision evolves, so will my plan A.

But I will never have a “fallback plan” like my mom envisioned. To me, that’s like chickening out.

No one ever aspires to their “plan B”. That’s the safety net we think we’re putting in place “just in case”. What ends up happening, though, is that we spend so much of our lives focused on laying the safety net that we never actually pursue the dream. “Plan A” becomes a “woulda, coulda, shoulda” in our pile of past regrets, and we often never get back to it.

We need to be a little more fearless, and take risks while we can. Pursue our dreams relentlessly.

I was recently interviewed by a smart and amazingly talented high school student. She aspires to be an author some day and wanted feedback about how I wrote my book, and any suggestions I could give her to help her on her way.

“Start NOW.” I said. “Don’t wait. Write all you can now so that you can get better and better over time.”

She’s creative and tells great stories. She’s also self-conscious, as most teenage girls are. She has no clue how much her life will change in the next few years, and the stories she starts writing now may end up being fuel for some of her best work when she’s older.

To her folks, who I’m sure would prefer she select a “safer” profession, I say: don’t let her have a fallback plan. Let her chase this dream relentlessly. Teach her how to manage the little bit of money she’ll earn along the way. Expose her to other options, but never pressure her to choose safety over her dreams. Encourage her to study and hone her craft and fund it without taking on debt. Help her be the best she can at whatever she ultimately chooses as her career path, and above all, let her know that no matter what she chooses, she is loved just as relentlessly.

Let her stumble. Make her sleep on the couch if she comes back home, and don’t make it too easy for her. If she really wants to chase a dream, she’s got to be up for the run – it’s not a sprint, it’s a marathon. As long as she finishes the race, she’s won it.

And if she decides she’s not up for the run, that’s fine, too. Then she’s just revising her vision. It’s NOT a fallback plan.

That’s what I would have wanted my folks to do for me.

Saying ‘No’ is Sexy Part One: Boundaries

Posted by LisaYoung in Big Ideas |

In a recent conversation with Ann Evanston, we talked about bringing sexy back to business. She is the beauty and brains behind warrior-preneur.com and is an instructor at my Small Biz Super Summit at the end of the month.

One of the key take-aways from that conversation was the idea that saying ‘no’ is sexy.

I have been SO un-sexy lately. And it takes work for me to say no.

Speaking opp? Okay.

Performance opp? Sure thing!

Sign up for a free teleclass? Why not?!

Help you promote your stuff? How can I help!?

In fact, for most women, it’s hard to say no – most of the time.

But this week, I put in some extra effort and turned down a couple of bright shiny objects that were REALLY appealing to me.

And I felt sexy.

And by ‘sexy’, I mean I felt more in control of who I am, what I’m about, and proud of the way I’m taking care of myself and my business.

Could there be anything more sexy?

Yes. Saying ‘no’ is sexy, but saying ‘YES!’ is even sexier – when you say ‘yes’ to the right things.

I said ‘yes’ to writing a book by the end of April, and getting it proofed and ready to publish. Yesterday, I said yes to creating a new e-book about the three secrets I’ve uncovered to get more of the right things done in my life. You can get your own copy when you post your details in the opt-in box on my website. I’m excited about sharing it and can’t wait to get your feedback.

Look at all the stuff I’m getting done! Because I chose to be sexy! Saying ‘no’ to bright shiny objects, and saying ‘yes’ to business enhancing projects.

That’s a whole lotta sexy goin’ on. By saying no, I was able to say yes.

Now instinctively I know that. I’ve read the books that say ‘create a vacuum in your life to make room for the better things God has planned for you’, ‘less is more’ and stuff like that.

And usually, I’m pretty good about sticking to my plans. Every once in a while, we all get distracted. And while those BSO’s have been flying through my radar for years, sometimes we need to get distracted.

I made an impromptu investment in a coaching program with Marcia Hoeck – and you’ve already seen my posts on how that worked out. I wouldn’t trade that BSO for anything. It moved my business exponentially down the field toward my ultimate goal. It distracted me from my work on the Super Summit, but it WASN’T a distraction for The Renaissance Mom. It was a MUST DO.

Part of my saying ‘no’ has been cleaning out my in-box this week. It’s been more than 3 years since I’ve had less than 1000 UNREAD messaged in my mailbox. I started having my assistant create filters, and I STILL had over 2000 unread messages. The oldest unread message dated back to April, 2008. Now most of these are subscription notices or updates and marketing messages that I just never opened because they didn’t apply to me. But I didn’t delete them, either. tsk tsk tsk.

As I went back to the messages from 2007, I saw an email promoting a website that is now defunct. Then another and another. In 2008, I saw more emails of the same ilk. Emails touting the next “latest and greatest” thing, and when you click on the link, the sites no longer exist.

These folks fell off my radar months, if not years ago, and yet they were still in my in-box. I think it’s safe to say I was one of those ‘non-responsive’ list members (more on that in part two)!

I know a women who STILL holds the recruiting title in her company for adding more than 50 recruits in a single month in her direct sales business. And yet, by the end of the year, less than 10 of those recruits were still active. She spent SO much time and energy training them, and lost 80% of them by the end of the year.

I’m not one to want to spin my wheels like that. That’s too much like work, and not enough like enjoyment, for me.

Setting healthy boundaries – in my personal and business life has allowed me to actually HAVE a life. Minimum wheel spinning, maximum enjoyment.

It doesn’t get much sexier than that.

The Dichotomy of Me

Posted by LisaYoung in Big Ideas, Faith |

Never permit a dichotomy to rule your life, a dichotomy in which you hate what you do so you can have pleasure in your spare time. Look for a situation in which your work will give you as much happiness as your spare time.  - Pablo Picasso

Don’t misunderstand. I LOVE my work. I love the clients I coach, the flexibility I have to be with my family. There’s very little I don’t like…

…except having to choose between different projects. There’s only so much time in the day, and if I want to honor my family, and my client community, I have to be at least a little picky about projects I promote.

Many of you know I lead a sort of “double life”. I began my online career coaching direct sales professionals. Last year, I launched the Direct Sales Super Summit as a tool to help those clients (and others) achieve greater levels of success in their business. We had so much positive feedback, that we had to change the name to better reflect the audience. We now have about a 50/50 mix of direct sellers and small business owners. Changing the name was a tough call, but it enabled me to get folks like Jimmy Vee and Travis Miller to participate.

In that name change, though, was all kinds of anxiety for me. It meant stepping back from my direct sales focus and embracing the audience I now call home: business minded women and entrepreneurial moms.

The bulk of my clients are still direct sellers, but I’ve noticed that where other direct sales coaches and trainers often complain about how flaky their customers are, I have NEVER had that problem – okay, I had one customer that was a dork, but she flew the coop eons ago. My customers are loyal, honest, and willing to invest in themselves to grow a real business through their direct sales company.

Perhaps that’s the most important distinction: my clients see themselves as business owners. And yet, so much of the world still lumps all direct sellers into the “is this a pyramid scheme?” category.

So I’ve been torn between trying to be the champion of what I call “direct sales professionals” and working with entrepreneurs. The funny thing is, they are one and the same.

And I didn’t figure that out until just now.

I knew it internally. In my heart. I say it all the time – you are the business owner of “You, Inc.” and you need to run your direct sales business like a business and not an expensive hobby. But I also realize that message applies across the board to other entrepreneurs trying to get established in their industry: health coaches, theater owners, web designers, videographers, actors, author – you name it. You have to run a business with a focus on profit, otherwise, it’s an expensive hobby.

I’ve coached direct sellers, and I love it. I’ve also coached all the other clients I mentioned above. There doesn’t seem to be much correlation between them, does there?

Except for that “expensive hobby” concept.

So as I sit here writing this, it becomes even more apparent to me that I don’t need to decide between working with direct sales pros and entrepreneurs. In serving one, I am serving both.

Sure direct sales has a bit of lingo that goes along with it: bookings, recruits, shows, etc. But the principles are the same: create a sustainable business that will help my client achieve their goals, including flexibility of time, increased income, and the ability to live life on their terms.

That’s pretty much the same set of goals that most entrepreneurs have.

All this time, I’ve been told that I needed to choose. I couldn’t serve two masters. Managing two newsletters would be a challenge. As a result, I haven’t launched my newsletter for The Renaissance Mom community yet. I’ve been focusing on creating a separation between the two brands so that I could better ‘segment my market’ – whatever that’s supposed to mean.

The irony is that most of the direct sellers that read “PartyOn!” each week have also signed up to hear more about the Renaissance Mom – without much prompting on my part. And many of the people I expect to attend my live event this August are direct sales pros that are moms, who need to find balance in their lives, just like any other entrepreneurial mom.

Funny how that works.

So I’m all through with arm wrestling with myself – at least about this issue. There’s a box on the page where you can sign up for the new Renaissance Mom Newsletter (I’ve got to give it a name, though, I suppose). You can visit HomePartySolution.com to register for the newsletter for Direct Sales Pros, “PartyOn!”. Yep, that means I’m putting out two newsletters now. God help us all. I hope my assistant can handle all the spell checking.

It also means I’ll be launching new programs – maybe even at the same time. I have an entire system to help busy moms manage their lives and their business. I’ve been wanting to share it for almost a year now, and haven’t been able to find “the right time” to do it.  Here’s a glimpse at the projects sitting on my desk that are ready, and just waiting for me to get them launched:

• Direct Sales 102: Sell More to Earn More
• The PEACE System: Do less, achieve more in 10-20 minutes a day
• Direct Sales 201: Core skills for Direct Sales Leaders
• The Renaissance Mom LIVE Event (okay, that’s happening in August, but we haven’t started selling tickets yet!)

These projects are pretty much in the can. But I’ve been grappling with timing things, sharing too much info, and overloading my readers with too many promos.

Ugh. Maybe I’m expecting too much from my list, but I think you’re smart enough to know what will work for you and what won’t. If I’m sending you too much email, you’ll let me know – (I try to keep it to 1 or 2 messages a week if you’re not in a current program). If you’re on multiple lists, I trust you know what you’re doing. If I’m totally up in the night, I’m going to trust that you’ll call me on it.

And if I’m wrong, I’ll get a flood of unsubscribes, and I’ll have to start from scratch.

Does that sound reasonable? Am I just a goofball for actually putting faith in my list of loyal subscribers? I’d love your feedback. Post a comment below and let me know what you think about the projects I’m planning. Sound good? Sound stupid? Your feedback matters.

Confessions of Self-Worth Part 3: Congruency

Posted by LisaYoung in Big Ideas, Faith |

Every time I see the word ‘congruent’ I think of triangles and learning about geometry when I was in elementary school.

Congruency means that even though two objects may be viewed from a different perspective – it may be rotated, flipped on an axis, or reversed, if the two objects were superimposed on one another, they would be exactly the same shape and size – like a puzzle piece fitting into it’s space, the two objects would align perfectly.

In the past couple of years, I’ve heard a lot of talk about being in alignment with your values, your goals, etc. The problem is, a lot of what I’ve heard has been just that – talk. So much lip service, and so few people really putting their money where their mouth is, so to speak.

When I set up the new blog here at TheRenaissanceMom.com, I imported a few posts from my direct sales blog that really didn’t fit over there. I wanted to segregate my ‘messaging’ a bit and deliver more applicable content in each blog.

As I was culling through posts, I found not one, but TWO posts I’d written on this topic as it related to a mentor I’d been following for a while.

“Got me once, shame on you, got me twice, shame on me.” is what my 6th grade teacher once said.

I realized then that a piece of self-worth comes from your level of congruency. When you say something is important, act like it’s important.

When you cultivate a clientele, respect them and they will buy from you. Disrespect them once and some will leave. Disrespect them continually and people will talk badly about you AND leave.

When you say you value truth, honor truth AND admonish dishonesty.

When you say you believe in the power of manifestation, God’s power, and our ability to achieve anything when we’re in alignment with that power, don’t put your faith in the stars.

Simply put, let your actions and beliefs be in unison with one another.

I’ve been banging my head against a wall lately. It’s becoming clear to me that the reason behind part of the lump on my noggin is related to congruency. There are still areas of my business (and life) where my own beliefs and actions are not congruent.

I’ve been watching and ‘modeling’ my mentors and ‘gurus’ for so long, that occasionally I forget who I am. I hear my own voice trying to compare who I am and what I’m doing to others who have ‘gone before me’. Sometimes I get wrapped up in trying – and forget that I already AM.

I am a strong, dynamic woman. People tell me I’m talented and knowledgeable. I smile, care for my kids, and try to do my best.

I struggle with self-doubt, self-criticism and forget about self-care. There are no million-dollar mansions on the street where I live, nor are there any hot new roadsters in my driveway. But I make a decent living for myself, treat my staff well, and “play nicely” with others. I believe I excel at helping other women light a fire in their business and get the right results. I love what I do, and although it’s never perfect, it’s bliss.

And I’m probably more like you than you might think. At least, that’s what I’m hearing when I talk with other business moms.

They’re stuck, they feel like no one else can relate to their situation, and more importantly have no place to go to ‘vent’ or get support. Sometimes it’s cause their husband isn’t as supportive as they’d like. Sometimes it’s because taking care of extended family (parents or grandchildren) takes so much of their time. There’s guilt, and fear, and sometimes even a sense of loneliness, right in the middle of all the people, places and things in which they may be very active – even on a daily basis.

If you don’t know what it’s like to feel alone in the middle of a daycare full of kids, my client can tell you.

If you don’t know what it’s like to love your kids SO much, but still want to lock them in their room so you can spend some quiet time on the potty, ask a mom.

If you don’t know what it’s like to feel guilty about going on a business trip while your kid is home sick, ask @unmarketing.

It’s not about being depressed. In fact, we’re often riding a great wave of success in one area or another in our lives. It’s not depression. It’s just feeling like no one else understands. We feel that way, because in that moment some part of us is not being congruent.

Our business self is out of alignment with our parenting self. And we feel SOMETHING: guilt, anger, resentment, shame, etc.

I think this is why women in direct sales feel smarmy or don’t want to come off as being “sales-y” or pushy. Because that behavior is not congruent with who they are in their core.

And I think that’s wonderful.

We need to honor who we are – warts and all. My friend @ElizabethPW has a tattoo: “Live Your Truth”. Part of that truth is being congruent.

So it’s time for me to cut the apron strings from those folks I once admired that are not positive examples of congruency. Despite all their success and the wealth they may have amassed, I’ve got to part ways. I just can’t justify trying to measure up to some yardstick that doesn’t apply to my life anymore.

I know I said this last year, and maybe it’ll become an annual event for me. I think it’s important to assess and re-assess where you’re at, where you’re headed, and who’s along for the ride. Sometimes, you need to winnow the tag-alongs that just aren’t pulling their weight anymore.

I don’t want to ‘model’ their success, because in my book, it’s not congruent with my own definition of success. When I model in-congruency, my life will be in-congruent.

Congruency = a life and business that fit together - without excuses or apologies.

Ali Magazine: Inconsistent Messaging

Posted by LisaYoung in Faith |

I’ve been an Ali Brown afficionado for a few years. Her rise to nearly celebrity status as the darling of Internet Marketing, more commonly known as “the Ezine Queen”, has been almost metoric in nature. In fact, during a teleclass this summer, she credited the law of attraction and the power of manifestation for her quantum leaps in business over the past few years.

So when I heard tell of a new magazine that was on the way, I was very nearly salivating. My mind traversed the possibilities: powerful interviews and articles on business building and attraction principles. Profiles on Ali disciples that had made good and gone “big time” with their business. Even the possibility of some lifestyle and travel tips. The horoscopes…

… Wait? huh? HOROSCOPES?

You heard me.

In my perfectly blunt style, I wrote my letter of disbelief to Ali. She of course did not reply (she’s far too busy for that these days) but one of her assistants did.

“Thanks Lisa – We appreciate your feedback. The reason why we included a horoscope section is because horoscopes are FUN! People like them, Ali likes them. It’s good to have fun with your business and enjoy it. ”

Well, I don’t dispute that FUN should be a part of your business. Countless pages in Ali’s new magazine outlined style, fashion and travel ideas. And I even appreciated the tip sheet articles and guest spot on Heidi Klum. Heck, I’ll even give her props for the layout of “behnd the scenes” pictures from her cover shoot. That’s fun stuff!

But Horoscopes, to me, seem to go completely against everything Ali spoke about during the summer teleclass on Manifestation with David Neagle. In a class all about setting your sights on a goal, learning the right way to goal set, and how to attain those goals through attraction, putting your “faith in the stars” just seems incongruent at best and insulting at worst.

To say “people like them, Ali likes them” is a means of justification without addressing the issue of congruence.

It draws to mind those old Venn diagrams from logic class.

If people like horoscopes, and Ali likes horoscopes, then Ali is people, too.

…Talk about lowest common denominator.

Don’t get me wrong. I still like Ali’s work, and she has some valuable content that has taken my business in a new direction, but to lower the qualty of the content to appeal to “the masses” is a bit heartbreaking.

A good magazine – a FUN magazine – doesn’t need tawdry little, mind numbing horoscopes.