Mompreneur Success: Lose Your Ability To B.S.
Last night I’d had it.
After spending about 30 minutes in total silence sitting across from my husband, I finally unleashed the 7-year flood I’d been holding back. I ripped him a new one and was probably a bit more harsh than I should have been. Perhaps.
But maybe not.
See, in my estimation, he’s not been pulling his weight in the family. And yes, this is a pretty public forum for airing that kind of dirty laundry. I also don’t pretend to be blameless in our marriage. And when he calls me on something, I work hard to correct the issue. But I’m bustin’ my butt on a daily basis to try to improve our lives, where often, I feel like he’s doing “the minimums” just to shut me up.
In full disclosure, nothing I’m revealing here is some kind of secret. Everything I share he already knows. I’ve just lost my ability to B.S. my way through this situation any longer.
In part, I owe a deep debt of gratitude to one of my coaches: @SandyGrason. Her “Jerry Maguire Manifesto” took a while to marinate in my brain, and even as her student, I continued to marinate, because I thought I was “different”.
Somehow, I thought that I – all knowing, all powerful being that I am – could somehow change the course of another person’s life by being less than who I am.
- By pretending that things are great, when they’re not.
- By acting like nothing’s wrong in public, when my friends know differently.
- By doing everything I know how to do to “work on me” when that wasn’t the issue.
Now in all fairness, I love my husband and we’re nowhere near divorce. That would be too easy, and I learned long ago that easiest isn’t always bet. And yes, I do stupid stuff too, and I’m sure he’s gotten angry with me more times than he’s ever let on.
And that’s the problem. He doesn’t let on – about anything. And it’s reached colossal proportions.
So last night, I let him have it. Big time.
I had about 2 hours before my Direct Sales 101 class, and our house was child-free for the evening. Hoping to have some quiet time with my husband, I suggested we have a conversation about anything (really, anything. I’m not picky, just talk to me!).
He chose instead to stare out the window in silence for 22 minutes.
I, being a do-er, am not good at sitting STILL for 20 minutes, let alone sitting in SILENCE for that long – it was like water torture or something.
I finally lost my ability to B.S.: the ability to pretend and keep up appearances for the sake of others.
I called him on the carpet for a lot of nonsense in our marriage. We disagreed (he actually SPOKE a couple of times – and yes, I let him get a word in edge-wise), and for two hours we finally had an outpouring of honesty in our marriage.
For those that didn’t notice, a couple of months ago, I changed my facebook marital status to “it’s complicated”. Not because I’m not married, but because I don’t feel like we have a marriage right now.
For too long, we’ve been two people co-habitating, and not building a loving relationship. And while I acknowledged my role in everything, I also held him accountable to “man up” and own his portion of the responsibility too. That means letting me in through the wall he’s built, and making me the partner he says he wants in this marriage.
Here I am, trying to put on a live workshop for mompreneurs, who THINK I’ve got it all worked out. I’m talking about the importance of balancing family and work demands, and I’m sitting in a room with a guy who’d rather stare out a window than look me in the eye and have a conversation with me. There’s something not quite right about that.
Now, I’ve never claimed that my marriage was perfect, nor did I expect that marriage was some rose-colored adventure that would always have a happy ending. I grew up in a reality far-removed from that. My expectation was that marriage takes work – lots of it – on a daily basis, but that if you truly love each other, you do what you can and you don’t quit just because it gets hard.
And lately, it’s been hard. I’m off building an ark that he’s not too excited about. There’s friction there. But where I choose to face an issue head on and deal with it, hubby prefers avoidance. Perhaps because I’m prone to sharing the gory details of my life in social media?
Well, if he knows I’m going to blab about it, he should have seen it coming.
So last night, the gloves came off, and I let it all hang out.
Today, I know there are ramifications, calls from in-laws, posts from people who think I’m stupid for sharing this publicly, comments from people who’ll say that’s what I get for “emasculating my man by working”, yadda, yadda, yadda.
I’m ready for them. I don’t back down from a confrontation, and even if it’s hard, I’ve been through scarier stuff than this. In fact, this doesn’t scare me at all. Because, for once, I actually feel like I’m doing the best possible thing for everyone concerned.
And you know what? I’ve never felt better about myself.
There’s an empowerment in being true to yourself. We all deserve to live our truth – including me.
Including you.
So lose the ability to B.S. your way through life. Life gets better, the less B.S. you’re willing to tolerate.
==========
Sandy’s re-launching The Fabulous Formula soon. If you’re ready to make that shift, you might want to check out her program. My affiliate link is above, but I would promote this program even if I didn’t earn a little something for promoting it. She changed my life. That’s why she’s coming to The Renaissance Mom Experience in August. If you’re there, she might change your life, too.
Read MoreYes, I believe in God. Is that so wrong?
I don’t see the big picture. I don’t have a clue. But I know God does. I’m going to declare that, even if I don’t feel it right now.
- Steven Curtis Chapman
My assistant emailed me that message today. Combine that with a string of signs I saw on our family road trip yesterday and I knew the time had come to finish and share this post.
A bit naive? Perhaps. But that's faith.
I’m not one to talk religion much. I don’t hide the fact that I go to church, but I don’t actively spout off about my faith much, either. It tends to open a can of worms far bigger than anyone should try to handle on a blog. A previous post about Ben Stein’s movie got someone’s dander up because I dared to say what other people were thinking. And since Faith is one of the 5 Key Areas we’re delving into this August at The Renaissance Mom Experience, I figure I need to be transparent on the issue of Faith.
So here it is: I believe in God. I believe there has to be something bigger in this world than me, myself and I. There’s too much going on for my own brain to comprehend, and I find it difficult to assert that it all just happened by random chance.
Now, some of you will scoff, laugh or simply stop reading. That’s entirely your choice. But before you do, let me also offer this viewpoint.
I’ve never been one to force-feed my spiritual beliefs on anyone, partly because I’ve struggled myself with what those beliefs are exactly. I’ve met people who could just look at me and tell me things about my life that have NEVER been public knowledge. That’s some kind of inexplicable thing. I’ve met people who you might call ‘intuitive’ or ‘psychic’ – a term which seems to hold more derogatory connotations than anything else these days. And yes, members of my family (myself included) have demonstrated some type of intuitive ability.
In the strictly Christian sense of things, I’m still trying to figure out what all that really means. If you look at my upbringing, you’ll find I was raised “Metho-Catho-Baptist” and (gasp!) did a lot of research in my early twenties in earth-based religions. I am Catholic now, and that’s mostly for one reason:
I feel at home in a Catholic church. I’ve sung in a lot of churches, and the first time I set foot in a Catholic church, I felt like I had finally come home”.
I can’t explain it. I don’t really try. Maybe it’s the ritual, maybe it’s the structure, maybe it’s just the pretty window glass. I don’t think it matters much – at least not right now. The fact of the matter is that I believe that God put me where I am, Catholic or not, and gave me the experiences I have endured and entertained – Catholic or not. And it doesn’t matter much if “God” is actually a universal consciousness, an alien being, pure energy, or the ultimate creator of the Universe, multiverse and everything in it.
It’s my faith. And faith determines everything you are and will do in your life. Faith is the nexus where your core values and your beliefs converge. Faith mandates a belief in something. I choose to believe in and look for the good, strive to help others, and spend each day doing my best to serve the purpose that I believe God put me on this earth to handle. Naive? Perhaps.
We humans created all these “boxes” – these “labels” that give us a sense of peace and comfort by which to categorize the people of the world. If we are truly “one body”, then the labels don’t matter: Jewish, Episcopal, Buddhist, Muslim, Metho-Catho-Baptist, etc.
I’ll probably get shot for that last statement. God forbid.
That’s my struggle right now. Because I believe deeply in my own set of beliefs and core values, and I have a hard time with the idea of labeling the beliefs of others.
I stumbled on a book, Lucid Living: A Book You Can Read in One Hour That Will Turn Your World Inside Out
Tim’s a bit controversial in nature, but one premise form the book struck me: We are all one. Harm to one is harm to all, and love to one is love to all.
That, to me, encapsulates God’s message. Putting one sect or religious group in a box only serves to disintegrate the wholeness of who we are as the people of God – wherever or however God actually “resides”.
And the upside is that there’s little to no real downside to this perspective. There’s nothing wrong with loving everyone. You still need to keep your wits about you. Your conscience will be clean, and if we treated everyone with love – regardless of their world view – how much better this rock hurtling through space would be.
I know I sound like Pollyanna. I know there are still many people in the world that don’t subscribe to that notion. And yes, I’ve had my share of not-so-good life experiences. I’m sure I’ll have umpty-gajillion more before my time is through.
Will I still be Catholic in 20 years? Who knows?
Will I still believe in God? You betcha.
Logically, faith makes no sense. That’s why it’s called faith.
==========
Am I crazy? Do you have your own faith you’d like to share? Post your comments below and let the maelstrom begin!
Read MoreEmbracing Eclecticism: The Multi-faceted approach to business
Think Richard Branson, Oprah, Kathy Ireland, and the like.
These multi-passionate entrepreneurs have gone big time by embracing their eclecticism, and there’s a good reason for it.
It works.
Simply put, embracing all the facets of who you are means you’ll feel more satisfied in the work that you do. I’m a direct sales coach, and a mom entrepreneur. I fought hard to carve out a niche in the coaching arena and realized that it was only a fraction of who I was, and the work that I do well. In reality, I like working with all kinds of entrepreneurs, and my heart most resonates with parents – and entrepreneurial moms in particular.
So do I give up coaching direct sellers? Hardly! Not only am I good at bringing fast results for direct sales professionals, I LOVE it. Why would I give it up?
However, there are so many hours in a day. Any mom can tell you that. How do you bring all the things that you love under one roof? Here are my strategies for embracing eclecticism:
- Focus on one project at a time. This is a challenge for entrepreneurs, but in order to find success in anything, you’ve got to focus on SOMETHING – even if it’s only for a short time. I completed my book and developed my coaching client base so that I had enough income to pursue other interests. The more money you have to throw at a project, the easier it is to keep multiple plates spinning at once.
- Develop a reputation for excellence. If you sell crap, people will talk. If you deliver the goods, consistently, reliably, and with quality, people will also talk – and they’ll trust you when you branch out into other categories or markets. They’ll refer others to you based on their history with you – even if they’ve not sampled your new venture. When I launched The Renaissance Mom this year, I was able to introduce my existing clients rapidly to my new venture. I just launched the first product for the new company, The PEACE System, and I had more than 80% attendance on the live preview call (I’ve NEVER had that kind of turnout, and I’ve been told that 30% is more typical.) Some clients embraced it immediately, others sent me referrals because they knew my reputation for delivering a quality program. A reputation for excellence begets clients more rapidly.
- Diversify slowly. Don’t throw 15 irons in the fire. Give your new project enough focus to have a fighting chance for success. Oprah incubates projects under her care. Branson has an entire panel of people considering new venture investments. When you decide on something, take action to make it successful, but take your time when adding to your business “portfolio”.
- Grow your support team. Whether it’s support staff (VA’s, employees, etc.), an emotional support team or a mastermind group, you can’t grow beyond yourself by yourself. A solid support team makes exponential growth easier, and more possible.
- Enjoy your success. It doesn’t mean a hill of beans if you have an incredible team of people and a highly profitable business if you can’t take time off to enjoy the fruits of your labor. Find ways (even small ones) to reward yourself and celebrate your accomplishments. It’s a form of self-care that shouldn’t be ignored.
- Rinse and repeat.
What about all those ideas you want to work on? Start with the low hanging fruit first – do what comes easiest, and add projects as time and money allow. I keep a mental lock-box of ideas for later use, and incorporate them into my PEACE System process each day. It’s fun to be able to pull them out (and dust them off sometimes), and figure out where they fit in the grand scheme of ”my business empire.”
Don’t panic if you have a ton of ideas. Sequester them, assess them, and decide where to move first. Then you can come back later and add the others to your arsenal. You, too, can become the multi-faceted, multi-passionate entrepreneur you’ve always dreamed you’d become.
Read MoreAffilliates/Sponsors
About Me
Edutainer. Results-getter. Performer. I'm expressive, results-oriented, and a connoisseur of ideas. When creative people are ready to stop making excuses and make something happen, they call me. Sometimes I talk to God. Sometimes God talks back. Sometimes I talk back. I'm building an ark here. Wanna ride? Be sure to say hi, leave a comment and get involved. That's how I roll. Lisa’s Music
Download Lisa's Music Now