Firing Clients, Friends and Colleagues
It’s been a whirlwind week for me.
I’m in the throes of the Small Biz Super Summit, along with a new client project, and preparing for the launch of a new division of my business.
And I get an email from a client, angry with me for “violating her privacy”.
The claim was unfounded, and after resolving the misunderstanding, I finally decided to let her go.
Yes, I fired my client.
You are FIRED!
See, there comes a time in your business life where enduring the stress and strain of some clients isn’t worth ANY sum of money. Some of you have heard me say this before, but I wanted to let you know that I still face this issue from time to time – despite my well-crafted Perfect-Fit Customer Profiles.
Not only did this client email me with false accusations, she also launched into a tirade in a group forum of her company, where other people could hear her rant (and later report back to me), but I could not offer the slightest commentary on the situation.
Instead of coming directly to the source of the issue (presumably me), she chose to make a spectacle of herself in front of other potential clients.
Let’s be clear: I have a loyalty to my clients. I also have a loyalty to my family. If you try to prevent me from earning a living to feed my family, my loyalty dries up like so much old paint.
There are a number of lessons from this event, which I’ll save for another post. But then, I had to fire a colleague.
At one time, this person and I traveled in relatively similar circles. I shared my book with her, and invited her into my community to share her wisdom. Over time, our paths diverged in the wilderness, but I still kept some contact with her and thought of her as a colleague I would refer business to.
Then, the unthinkable happened.
She “wrote” a post on her blog, and tweeted out the link. Because the title was a direct quote of something I say ALL the time, I thought it was worth checking out, and possibly sharing with my own audience. It was a great post. She had pulled much of the content straight out of my book – with a few additions (presumably of her own) to make it her own.
I was shocked. Firstly because I knew this thief. Secondly, because I really didn’t think that much of myself that someone would want to steal my stuff (that’s another post all unto itself).
There are stories like this all over the place. The first one that comes to mind is Jeff Slutsky’s story about Office Depot using his “six dollar haircut” story in an ad that ran last year. Slutsky, however, had a happier ending than I believe I will.
Not only did this “colleague” plagiarize my work, but when I commented on her blog with a “great post” kind of remark, it was deleted.
So not only did she steal my stuff, she KNEW she was stealing it and, frankly, didn’t seem to care.
At first, I tried to relax and ignore it. But this nagging feeling wouldn’t go away. Especially since this same person had publicly remarked at an earlier point in our business lives that she felt that at some point everything she ever learned became “hers” to teach as her own.
I consulted my amazingly grounded and insightful coach, @SarahRobinson, who indicated that while she was not surprised at the person in question, that it was mostly sapping my energy in a way that wouldn’t give me resolution.
So I fired my “colleague”. Putting more distance between us, and spending as little energy as possible on the situation.
Tip: Nobody “just knows” everything. We all learn from someone. Give credit where credit is due, folks.
Thinking I was finished with all the firing for a single week, I then had to fire a friend.
This person was fairly close to me, and sadly, known to be a bit out of control emotionally. Their behavior could get pretty outrageous at times, and if alcohol was involved, well, let’s just say only the sober people in the room would remember what happened.
This person is an incredibly smart, insightful, enjoyable person, with an enormous heart and fiercely loyal – until their emotional issues rear their ugly head(s). It gets so bad that they start to believe their own lies as truths. It’s been going on for years – longer than I’ve even known them.
Well, the lies finally caught up this week. And I couldn’t be there to help fix the problem. The problem was really beyond fixing. All enabling had to stop, and the truth had to be revealed.
I had entrusted this friend with a special task, and that task remains undone. The good news is that I wasn’t counting on them to complete the task, and had a back-up plan in place. The bad news is that I wasn’t counting on this friend to complete the task, and had a back-up plan in place.
So when word got around that they were playing around doing other things instead of focusing on the task they committed to, I fired the friend.
Well, a temporary lay-off, anyway.
We can be as well-meaning as we want to be, but when you make a commitment, in my mind, you stick to it. Come Hell or high water.
And lest you see this as an incredibly downer post, I want to assure you that I firmly believe that God is nudging me to create space to accommodate newer, better, more constructive relationships in my life and work.
I can already see it happening. With the awesome help of my coach (did you see her Relationships project?), and the internal journey I’m travelling, there are new friends on the horizon, new clients on the books, and better colleagues to forge ahead with (ending a sentence with a preposition, ACK!).
Bring. It. On.
Read MoreGod Bless The Revolutionaries
I’ve been feeling incredibly guilty lately, and if what I’ve read lately is any indication, I’m not the only one.
I saw it in a book I picked up the other day, and I cringed.
“God (or universe, or spirit, or whatever)“
Right there in black and white, the author was apologizing for believing in God. He didn’t outright say it, but I see it more and more as we strive for “correctness” and “tolerance” we’re watering down our own faith stance to accommodate others.
In fact, I’ve side-stepped it myself. Couching God in safe, generic terms like “universe” or “spirit” or something equally mundane.
Thus, the guilt.
Godly enough, I got my first pimp-slap of the year today from my new friend, Leesa Barnes. Her evolutionary post about ‘breaking a hinge‘ ends with a quote from the first book of Kings.
Yes, from the Bible.
It was not an intentional slap, I know, because we’ve talked recently about this almost unspoken undercurrent of unrest in the marketplace. In our conversations, we shared scriptures, ideas, rantings, complaints, and even some of our more personal beliefs about things like God. I shared my recent discovery of Bruce Barton and his writings about Jesus as one of the most accomplished businessmen in the world.
You can call God whatever you like, but for me, I specifically choose God, so please don’t ask me to use something else.
Reading that scripture was a holy awakening to me, and a reminder of our recent conversation.
Well-meaning colleagues and friends have strongly encouraged me to keep my faith to myself or at the very least “tone it down” for general consumption.
God isn’t for general consumption.
Not everyone can handle His message. Not everyone wants to hear that message. I get that.
For as many times as I’ve said “your business is an extension of who you are” it’s even more imperative that I vocalize that my faith is also an extension, if not the very definition, of who I am.
I’m not claiming perfection or blamelessness here, and I think anyone that knows me, knows this to be true.
I screw up a LOT.
I’m also open to God’s direction. Often doing things that don’t seem to make sense to other people because I feel called to serve in a particular capacity.
And I’m not the only one.
There’s a revolution happening. I hesitate to say “behind the scenes” because it’s not so behind the scenes lately. They’re coming out of the woodwork. Business owners tired of the lies, the fakery, the illusions of success gilt to a thin veneer – that crumble all too easily.
They’re tired of having to tip-toe around anyone not of their faith so as not to be seen as a Bible-thumping, teetotaling puritan in conservative clothing.
That ain’t me. I don’t force-feed anyone my truth. You have the option to bail any time you like.
But you DON’T have that option if I’ve never given it to you. So I’m extending it now.
My 60-day journey ends soon. Signs of land are approaching, and all the details are coming soon, I promise. Some things have been tortuous; others, miraculous. All of them necessary to pave the way for the big things God has planned for me in 2011.
And I’m not the only one. The revolutionaries are all around you. You may even be one of them. Trying to figure out how to cross the chasm between God and your message in the marketplace. Trying to figure out where to tread so that you tread lightly enough to not set off a few land mines along the way. I’m meeting more and more people with that same sticking point.
Screw it.
Stop “tippin on cotton” and lay it out there. That was the message I got today, so I lay it before you now. You’re going to make mistakes, people aren’t going to understand, and yes, a few people will probably even call you names.
Jesus had it a LOT worse than that, didn’t he?
As an intuitive coach (and that’s the first time I’ve publicly said that), I pray before every coaching session and ask God to guide me so that I can provide the best possible help to my clients when I am working with them. I don’t ask “universe” or “spirit” to channel through me, I ask for God’s help.
Why should I hide that from my clients? Kind of a pertinent detail, don’t you think?
Likewise, when I screw up, it’s God that I turn to for help, guidance, forgiveness and direction. And many of my clients do as well. Instead of it being a bone of contention, it actually becomes an endearing quality to those that work most closely with me. Why should I deny it?
There are those who have said to me that I’m cutting off my nose to spite my face – essentially eliminating a portion of my “target market” by making a public declaration of my faith.
Isn’t that the point of target marketing? If people don’t want to work with me as I am, then they’re NOT my target market, correct?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying God is a marketing ploy, a strategy, or a tactic to be “used” to grow my business.
I’m talking about transparency, ethics, and the truth that my clients deserve.
Maybe you don’t want to work with a coach that prays for you. You have a right to know that. Maybe you don’t want to hear stories of “divine downloads” or how putting God at the center of everything in my life (including my business) is radically changing everything in my world.
You have a right to know, before you invest your dollars with me, how I do what I do – and WHY I do what I do.
You don’t have to believe it, but if you don’t even know what it is in the first place, you have no idea what you’re paying for.
So tonight, as I lay my head down and wrap the first day of this new year, I’ll be offering up prayers, re-dedicating everything to God for 2011, and beyond.
Prayers that this year will be infinitely better than last year.
Prayers that abundance is something you truly feel, not just a buzz word that people banter around.
Prayers that your life will be enriched in more ways than you can count on all your phalanges.
Prayers to bless all the other revolutionaries making their leap across the chasm this year.
Prayers for my life, my faith, my business, clients, family, friends… and YOU.
Read More
Friends are Family, too!
As I sit at my desk writing this, there are at least a bajillion other things I could be doing (give or take a few).
In fact, if it were an egg hunt, I could probably find more things to do than anyone. It’s part of the way my brain’s wired. I have an innate ability to come up with “one more thing” – to improve a situation, to clean a space, to help a friend, to gain more clarity, to launch a new product…
… see what I mean? I could easily add “one more thing” to that list.
But I realized this week that I’m also very capable of filling all my time with “just one more thing”. And it’s killing my friendships.
See, I have friends – good, close friends – that are more valuable to me than some of my family. In fact, I feel like they ARE family to me.
But, as it turns out, they’re not so sure.
Over the past month, I’ve learned this painful lesson the hard way, as several of them have called me up (seemingly out of the blue in some cases), and asked me the msot shocking question:
“Did you, by any chance, tell so-and-so about _______?”
Are you kidding me?
Do they not know how much I value their friendship?
Do they not know how much I value the bond we share and the secrets that we keep for each other?
Do they not know that their confidence is sacred to me and I would rather stab my own eye out than break that confidence by sharing our private conversations and activities with others?
Great googly moogly!
Don’t they know I don’t have that many friends to begin with, and it would be foolish of me to reveal that “private stuff” to strangers – people I barely know? Don’t they know that I would be crushed if they did that to me and that I would never EVER, BEVER, SHMEVER, do that to them?
Apparently not.
When the first friend called, I figured they were just erring on the side of caution. You know – can’t be too sure… better to be safe than sorry, and whatnot.
But by the third call, I realized that I hadn’t been doing enough to maintain that level of trust with my closest friends. They had actually started to lose confidence in our friendship – in the trust that they had invested in me.
I wasn’t sure exactly what to do.
And then my BFF’s mom died.
It wasn’t out of the blue, or anything. They were blessed enough to have time to prepare. Her mom had everything planned out – what she would wear, the readings, the songs, everything. It was surprising to me how well her mom prepared – especially since most of the family wasn’t even aware of it. She had left final instructions with her priest, because she didn’t want to “worry” her family.
The church was full to overflowing. People were literally standing outdoors peering over tops of heads trying to catch even a small glimpse of what was going on inside the church. My friend later told me that her mom’s viewing was the biggest her funeral home had ever hosted.
More than 1,200 people gathered to offer condolences and well-wishes during this hard time for my friend’s family. The church itself was initially limited to family only, and I managed to get a seat near enough to the front to keep an eye on my friend throughout the service.
I had asked her repeatedly in the weeks leading up to the event if there was anything I could do, or if she needed even the smallest thing, she could count on me. Her reply was always honest: “I think I’m okay right now, Lisa. But after all the people stop coming around, that’s when I might need you.”
And as I left her mom’s funeral, it occurred to me how grossly out of whack my priorities have been. I’ve had my head down, plowing through the issues of my business, my life, and dealing with the goings on in my own home for the past few months. I’m still dealing with much of it. In fact, I can always find “one more thing” to deal with.
But at what expense?
“When all the people stop coming around.” Well, what if I ended up being one of those folks, not because I intended to, but because I found one more thing to occupy my life?”
The earth shook when another friend (we’ll call her BFF#2) called me and laid it bare:
“It feels like you just decided that you didn’t get what you wanted from me, so you’re moving on.”
OUCH.
Quite honestly, that was not my intention. In fact, the events of the past few weeks have taken me out of the area and I just haven’t been able to spread myself across all the people I wanted to connect with.
She wasn’t being heartless or even angry. Just very matter-of-fact, which is why I’m glad she’s my BFF. I actually appreciate her clarity and honesty – sometimes I wish more people were as direct as she is. It allows me to see myself as others truly see me.
And boy do I have a lot of fixing to do.
Because I feel like BFF #2 does sometimes.
My friendships usually start because I am able to help someone with something. That’s my “in” – my “doorway, if you will. And I enjoy helping people – maybe too much, but that’s another story for another time. So here I am: I do for others, spend time building relationships that mean a LOT to me, and when they are “done with me”, I feel like I get left behind or cast aside.
I TOTALLY resonate with what BFF#2 is saying here because I’ve felt it happen more times in my life than I care to count.
My mom had a saying “The road runs both ways, you know.”
Sadly, I always used that to justify why I wasn’t reaching out to other people, not thinking that they may be using it to justify why they haven’t reached out to me.
What a horrendous catch-22!
But I’m still not exactly sure how to fix this situation. Building relationships take time, effort, and require a front-end investment in the people you’re focused on. Sometimes it takes risk, and right now, as sad as it is to admit, I just don’t have a lot of myself to “risk” right now.
So I’m trying to save up a little of myself. Get some clarity. Take some ‘me time’ and figure out how I really want to be for my friends. I’m going to Sarah Robinson’s “Create Irresistible Presence” event next week to (hopefully) figure out what my full voice has to say – and how to say it to my friends, my family, my audience, etc.
Because in the laundry list of life, the most important “to-do’s” are always rooted in family. And friends are family, too!
This isn’t me being too hard on myself, mind you. I know there are a few people I’ve been very attentive to in the last few months. I also know that if my real friends – the ones I count as family – are not sure they can trust me anymore, I’ve let something slide. Either that, or something’s gotten lost in translation, and if I want to repair my friendships, I must be willing to at least examine what my role in all this really is.
So that’s where my head’s at right now. Reprioritizing, trying hard to figure out what’s ultimately important to me, and how it all fits together. Some pieces of the puzzle are easy. Others, not so much.
I’m one for making a “confession” like this an instructive one for my readers, so here’s what I would offer as you go through your own renaissance:
1. Think about those friends closest to you. There’s a reason friends are not a key area of their own. Often, they are aptly placed as an element of either Family or Fun. Are you including them in you “big rocks” each day?
2. Make the commitment to invest in yourself so that you have something to invest in others. This isn’t a discussion about money, it’s a discussion about nourishing your own spirit so you can “be there” for your friends.
I saw a tweet today that made me chuckle: “today’s mighty oak is yesterday’s nut that managed to hold its ground.”
How are you holding (or gaining) ground? I’d love to hear your take on this -perhaps your own struggles, so I know I’m not a nut!
Read MoreWhen Things Get Tough
First, my apologies for being out of touch, but I believe you deserve an explanation as to what’s going on over here at my offices.
A few weeks ago, I wrote a guest post for JulieAnne Jones’ blog about what to do when things get tough in your business. In it, I offer six tips for navigating tough times successfully. One of those is to be honest with your “tribe” when things aren’t perfect. So here goes…
You may or may not have already heard, but we did, in fact, cancel the live event that I had planned for this weekend.
The Renaissance Mom Experience was to be one of those “powerful, life changing events” – leaving a big impact on each of the attendees. At this point, I believe we have refunded everyone. If I missed you, please contact my team.
We’re still planning to do something in terms of a virtual event. That will begin on Sunday, August 29. If you are on the event notification list, you’ll learn more soon enough.
But in the meantime, I’m putting out all kinds of fires at headquarters. So many unexpected “emergencies” have developed (from cancelling the event and other things), that I’m doing all I can to keep my head on straight this week.
Like finding out that the IRS has fouled up every payroll tax filing for me for the past YEAR. So now we’re digging through the archives to clean up THEIR mess (Bonnie, if you’re reading this, don’t worry. Your payroll tax payments are fine, it’s the paper returns they’ve goofed up! No worries!)
And that’s just the tip of this week’s iceberg. Some of the issues directly impact me, others indirectly (like my bookkeeper’s family issues), but all of them are weighing heavy on me right now.
Which means all of my normal “routine” activities have gone by the wayside.
That’s the bad news.
Sorry, there’s no newsletter, no blog posts, and very little contact from me at the moment.
Add to that the fact that we’re closing the offices for the Labor Day Holiday and you can see I’m “up to my elbows in alligators” as an old friend used to say.
Our offices will be closed from September 2-7 (me and all the staff are taking time off. No promises on if we’ll be checking email much or voice mail at all). We’ll re-open on September 8.
There’s a reason my company’s logo is a phoenix.
Some awesome new products and services will be rolling out in September and later this fall. But between now and then, I’m going to be very hard to connect with as the dust settles from the fallout of this week.
Why am I telling you all of this?
Well, in all honesty, because I’ve been feeling like a fraud for NOT telling you sooner. I mean, I coach YOU to be completely transparent in your business and let your teams, your clients and your associates know what’s really going on. People know you’re not perfect, so to present that illusion to the world is tantamount to living a lie.
I would be a fraud to pretend that all is well in the land of Lisa this week. It’s not. Far from it.
But this, too, shall pass. And then, we’ll be back on track and right as rain.
Yes, you’ll be hearing from me in the interim, but not on any particular schedule. Those of you active in any of my coaching courses will see a delay in course delivery – BUT all content WILL be delivered. As always, you can email or call and we’ll do our best to help you with any questions you have, just realize it might take us longer than usual to reply – especially during the Labor Day holiday.
I’m doing everything in my power to keep all the promises I’ve made to everyone and not work myself to death in the process.
Lessons Learned
Every once in a while, you have to make time to take time to deal with life. I would be a fake and a phony if I didn’t practice what I preach.
I know there are at least a few people that would try to cover their tracks and put a marketing “spin” on something like this.
“We’ve decided to ‘go virtual’ to let more people experience the event.”
“Special pricing is open AGAIN – but only for twelve seconds.”
“Bring your friends, your dog, your cat, and a total stranger for FREE.”
“Get fifteen extra bonuses when you sign up before the sun sets today.”
Blah, blah, blech.
No can do. We priced this thing at an incredibly affordable rate (less than $1000 including your room and meals), so I’m not going to cheapen the value of the content by playing those games. The plain truth is that we didn’t sell enough tickets for me to justify keeping everyone’s money (including our awesome sponsors) to bring out these amazing speakers to share their story with a teensy weensy audience. I could have kept the money and played to an audience of twenty people, but it just felt inauthentic and unfair when we were touting this as a large scale event with about 300 people.
Other people may feel comfortable playing that game, but to me, it’s just dishonest and makes you look desperate.
If I were a speaker, I’d want a better return on my time investment. If I were a sponsor, I’d want all the eyeballs originally promised. As an attendee, I might be excited about a smaller, more intimate group, but I might be bummed that I wasn’t meeting enough people.
In business, you have to know when to cut your losses, and sometimes that means nixing a pet project. Cancelling this event was one of the top five heartbreaks of my life. Not because it meant losing income (it’s only money, after all), but because of the mission I still feel compelled to serve – to help mompreneurs bring balance to their life and their work without apologies.
Time and again, that was what I was hearing – apologies about how it was too far, too short notice, too many days, etc. Which tells me the idea was good, but the offer wasn’t good enough. But that’s another post for another day.
Simply put, I know there’s a demand for the material, so we’re working out a way to deliver a portion of the content from the live event in a virtual format starting August 29.
When you cancel an event like this, there are lots of egos to stroke and apologies to be made – and that’s just at my house! The stress my husband and I endured during the summer was epic. Cancelling the event led to all kinds of inquisitions, concerns, and arguments. Again, another post for another day.
Then there’s fees and contracts you have to honor. We’re still working on that.
And THEN the IRS rears their ugly head? Yeesh. Is it any wonder I need a break?
It’s created a lot of chaos, uproar, and difficulty that I simply can’t ignore. Nor would I want to, in truth. So I’m asking for your patience and a little understanding over the next couple of weeks. I’m not ignoring you. We’re just SWAMPED!
And to be clear, no one’s dying, and we’re not closing up shop any time soon. I just need a couple of weeks to get these fires put out and get business back on track.
The GOOD news, is that after the Labor Day holiday is over, we’ve got a TON of great things planned to help you make the last few months of the year your best ever. It pains me to have to wait to share it with you, but I’ve got to clear the path, first.
When the dust settles, there’s gonna be a major blog series about this, you can be sure.
Until then, there are a couple of things you might be interested in:
- If you’re in direct sales, we’ve got special pricing on the videos from Home Party Solution LIVE until August 31. This is the video from last year’s 3-day event. We go end-to-end through the book, with additional bonus content.
- Get registered for the virtual version of The Renaissance Mom Experience (free, even though the site’s not completely updated yet. It’s on the to-do list for the week)
- 30 Days to Renaissance (also free, you can register in the sidebar over there —>) is a 30-day e-course to help you get from Reluctance to Renaissance in your life and business. Just proves I try to practice what I preach.
LASTLY, if you have questions, concerns or comments, we ARE checking the email and the phone messages (and you can DM me on twitter). Just don’t expect an immediate response. Things are plain crazy here at the moment.
In more than a dozen years of business, I have never felt so much in a pressure cooker before. And if you’ve been with me for any length of time, you know how seriously I take my client relationships. For me to basically put business “on hold” to put out fires is a strong indicator of the level of chaos we’re feeling right now.
But sometimes, ya gotta do what ya gotta do.
Thanks for your understanding.
Read MoreAbout Me
Storyteller. Transformer. Entrepreneur. I've won a few awards for writing, music and design, and I'm not resting on my laurels. I focus my energy on helping you succeed and get results. Be sure to say hi, leave a comment and get involved. That's how I roll. Coming Soon
