An “appetite for distraction” implies that the more we chase these pleasurable distractions, the less we focus on what really matters – on being our true selves and being able to be present to what life is about in the here and now.

The other morning I was immersed in part of a 40 day & night transformational process I’m developing.  In response to a writing prompt about what I believe about my business, I wrote down the following:

“I believe when I find my right audience, I will be able to be myself fully expressed…. The truth is that by being fully expressed, I’ll find my right audience.”

Whoa. Talk about future tripping. Here I was chasing something in the “someday” instead of practicing being fully here right now, showing up as my full-bodied, glorious self.

Then last night, I was watching Marie Forleo share her own early biz adventures in a video for her b-school re-launch, and she said something that brought up a BUNCH of emotions. Essentially, she was describing her “multi-passionate” nature and said that having to pick one biz venture felt like “severing a limb”.

Um, yep. That’s me. And no matter how hard I try to chase one rabbit, something invariably comes along, and gets me fired up.

At first, I thought it was me being all ADD and whatnot. Maybe I’m just not focused enough. But time and again, it didn’t feel like a lack of focus, because I was getting massive stuff done. When I’m working, I hustle. In fact, right now, I feel like I’m being incredibly unfocused because it’s been a while since I’ve put a new program on the market, I’m really limiting the number of clients I work with, and I’m taking my time to nurture what’s going on with my creative work. Plus, I’ve got bits of my projects in the hands of other people and I’m patiently allowing them to work their magic on it (okay, I’m really chomping at the bit to get going, but I also recognize there’s a process to this stuff, and I’m coping as best as a get-it-done girl like me can!).

Yet,  when I think about being fully myself, there’s this hodge podge of “facets” that have had difficulty playing nicely together in my head:

• When I use my Tarot cards, I believe I’m supposed to take that revelation back to GOD for clarity.
• I  believe that my life is a musical – I do spontaneously break out in song.
• I’m crude, blunt, and sometimes inappropriate.
• I’m compassionate, deep, and a spiritual seeker.
• I’m a no-nonsense, no-excuse, no-bs kind of gal (“Let’s get this done, shall we?”)
• I believe that there is ALWAYS a way to make something happen.

“It’s the irony of chasing stillness…of improving ourselves so we can finally accept who we are. It’s exhausting.” – Danielle LaPorte

Yeah. Exactly.

I’m the first person to tell you that you can’t chase multiple rabbits. Find one thing and do it with excellence. But here’s the kicker…

Being yourself is doing one thing. And to do it with excellence you have to be fully yourself… no limb severing allowed.

This couldn’t have come at a worse time, quite frankly.

My sister rings me up, essentially out of the blue, to remind me that I’m her next of kin, and that if “anything happens” while she’s out of the country, the life insurance check comes to me.

“I love the idea of people getting money if I get washed out to sea.” she said. “I mean, I don’t like the idea of getting washed out to sea… but if I do, I’m happy to know there’s a check coming your way.”

That’s my sister. I love her frankness… most of the time.

Today, however, I’m not sure if I love her or hate her. Not because of her, but because of me, of course.

See, she’s taking this trip as part of her “change of scene/figure out my next step” practice. When she’s at a crossroads, she likes to pack it all in and take a trip somewhere to clear her head, clear the air, and get a fresh perspective on life.

I guess I’m feeling jealous right now. Yeah. Jealous sounds accurate. When she called, I had all I could do not to cry in her ear. I was so happy for her. Being able to cross off a bucket list item, and spend quality time with yourself working out your next steps is so inspiring and empowering.

And right now, I feel neither inspired nor empowered.

Now, I don’t quite feel helpless and hopeless, either. But certainly not inspired or empowered.

Limbo. That’s what I’m feeling right now.

This rotten, mucky space between decision and action. This space where I know something’s coming, and I’m doing what I know to do to prepare, but it can’t come soon enough, and, like Inigo Montoya said in The Princess Bride, “I hate waiting.”

I was really hoping I was past “the inbetweens” for a while. But alas, that is not the case.

So I got to thinking about the allure of being in Central America for a while – and why I was even jealous in the first place.

See, Jealousy is a sign. It’s a red flag that you’d like something that someone else already has.

And quite frankly, I have no immediate desire to visit Central America.

I’m sure it’s lovely, and if I surfed like my sister does, perhaps I’d be more interested. But I’m not. Heck, I don’t even have a passport yet.

So what’s the lure? Why am I feeling this twinge of jealousy?

In a word: Freedom

There’s a certain sense of freedom that comes when you can call up your sister and say “Hey, Sis! I’m leaving the country for a while. Don’t wait up!” There’s an inspiring breath of independence that flows when you can say “I’m getting a change of scenery so I can get a fresh perspective and figure out my next step.”

There’s something sexy about hearing “If I die, you get the check.”

Not that I want my sister to die. Not at all. I want her to have an amazing time, crossing off her bucket list items. I want her to take tons of pictures, and maybe send me a postcard telling me she’s having a blast and that she wishes I were there.

I want her to enjoy being truly herself, having the time of her life.

And there’s the rub.

Because as of late, I’ve been recognizing that so much of the last decade has been me NOT being truly myself. NOT having the time of my life. NOT crossing off my bucket list items.

I acknowledge also that it was my own choice to be that person. I also confess that its a bitch to try and get back to that space after nearly 10 years of doing everything but.

There’s a lot of negative self talk: about being too old, too fat, too isolated too unconnected, etc.

There’s a lot of recognizing that I did a few things totally wrong. My friend says there’s no right or wrong, only your path. Well, then perhaps I’m just not enjoying the view from my path. Call it sour grapes if you’d like.

I don’t know exactly what it means, other than I think I need an equivalent trip to the middle of nowhere for myself.

A place to clear my head and get a fresh perspective. Without demands on my time. Without worrying about someone else for a while.

As a wife, mom, and business owner, the likelihood of taking an extended vacation by myself presents its own set of issues. And since I’m a researcher, I’m looking at all kinds of ways to get the clear headed approach I want without having to travel to another continent to do it.

I’ve been working on a screenplay for a web series, and in it, the lead character moves away from her family for a summer to clear her head and get some perspective about the life of anonymity she’s been trying to live to appease her family. In the process, her mother dies, and she’s forced to come to terms with some relationship issues she hadn’t counted on. While I don’t think I’m moving away for the summer, I am considering my options. Among them a social media hiatus, extended retreat, and even a visit to that sister of mine – once she’s back from Central America, of course.

What about you? When you need to get a fresh perspective, where do you go? What do you do?

When a pilot hops into the cockpit of a plane, he’s got a plan to take him in a particular direction. He lifts off and heads into the sky, allowing the process to unfold.

But while he’s in the air, he doesn’t just leave everything to chance.

No. Every time a bit of turbulence or air traffic comes his way, he adjusts his course. Course corrections are part of the necessary actions that keep an airplane on track to reach the final destination.

Likewise, stepping into your new testament, allowing your True Self to fully manifest is not a one-time decision or action.

Making the commitment once isn’t enough. Too much stuff will happen to try to throw you off course. You must course correct.

Every course correction is a re-commitment to the path you’re on.

Josh Chandler wrote a moving piece on women in society, and how we need to stop talking and start doing. That’s a decision to act. He decided it was time to stop “talking” and start “acting”, and then took his own action by writing about it. If you care at all about this topic, I encourage you to read and at least consider the actions Josh recommends at the end of his post.

But more than that, I ask you to do something (regardless of the topic) and re-commit to it daily.

Because it’s easy for a mountain climber to say  ”I’m going to scale Mount Everest.” It’s a lot harder to actually do it. It’s even more difficult to press on once you’re on the mountain, staring down hurricane force winds, frostbite, snow blindness, and other obstacles that keep you from the peak – or may even kill you on the journey.

Once you’re in the throes of the process all kinds of things come up to distract or block you from your ultimate goal. It gets a lot easier to quit than it does to persevere. All kinds of voices step in to overpower the voice of your True Self.

To me, that is why it’s called the still, small voice. The God voice. Because it doesn’t try to fight. It’s just there, always inside you, patiently waiting out the storm of noise around you. Waiting for you to “be still and know”.

We’ve spent 10 days getting you to reconnect with your True Self. This isn’t the end. It’s the beginning of a new relationship with who you are really meant to be in the world. If you walk away now, and never make the daily re-commitment to your True Self, then all this work will have far less impact.

And you may find yourself somewhere on the side of the mountain, wondering why you haven’t made it to the top yet.

Things you can do to re-commit daily:

• Re-visit these posts or other posts that inspire your True Self. Comment, interact.
• Connect with friends that support and uplift you. Create a network of those people so no one person is always doing the supporting.
• Find others on this journey and be an encouragement by being an example.