Christians Swear? The Horror! [Day 0 - 30 Days to Renaissance]
One of my bad habits is holding back the full truth until I can’t take it any more. Then it becomes some sort of “moment of confessional”, when I come across more dramatic than even I intend. Sadly, this realization comes now, just as I need to get something off my chest – again.
I have been known to utter profanity. Sometimes very loudly, sometimes under my breath, and yes, it might be aimed at you.
Well, not you specifically, but you get the idea.
See, when you publicly declare your faith for all the world to see, suddenly every action and misdeed is under a microscope – kind of like the Hollywood A-listers. But unlike the a-listers, forgiveness is rarely found for the person who claims to be a Christian.
Like it or not, we’re humans first, Christians second, and while that observation does not excuse my behavior, it certainly illuminates it.
I don’t make a point of swearing, but yeah, I’ve been caught on video speaking an expletive or two. While I admit it’s not the most proper way to present myself, it’s also dishonest of me to pretend I’m someone I’m not. I’ve tried to live my entire life thus far as an open book. Don’t ask if you don’t want to know, and all that jazz.
But here’s the thing. I would prefer you know, like and trust the REAL me – not some phony facade I put on for work. There’s something horrifyingly dishonest about being less than myself. And it’s time to nip it in the bud.
And you know what? I couldn’t be happier about it. Dave Lakhani says that polarizing personalities sell – you either love them or you hate them. I’m not out to win any popularity contests, and I don’t seek to offend people, but really, if the occasional burst of vulgarity bothers you, we need to part company. Sooner rather than later.
My entire business is built around teaching people to build a life they love without being apologetic or making excuses for who they really are. How can I hold myself out in any other fashion?
Tomorrow we begin the 30 Days to Renaissance journey here on the blog. Many of you have already jumped on board the e-course, and I hope more of you will take me up on this challenge as well: To live your life in balance without apologies or excuses.
For many of you, it will be like getting a fresh start. For others it’s confirmation of a process you’ve been “working on” for a while. But here’s the situation: You must insist on being 100% yourself. Anything less is a ripoff.
So for those of you that are wondering, I’m clearing the air here:
1. I swear – usually when I’m incredibly upset or incredibly happy. In those moments, it’s generally because I’m speechless (yeah, me. go figure).
2. I love God. I was born and raised as a Christian and have no plans of changing anytime soon.
3. I believe science and God can co-exist. Was God an alien? Who knows? Does it really make God any less powerful? Do we have all the answers worked out yet? Nope. And that doesn’t prove or disprove the existence of God in my book.
4. I try to do right, but I still screw up. If my mom hadn’t already given me a middle name, “bad choices” might be mine.
5. You can be a mom, a wife, and a business owner. It’s freakin’ hard work, it’s not for everyone, but if you’re willing to do the work, the rewards are amazing.
6. Balance doesn’t look like the scales of justice. Very often, it looks more like a contortionist. Everyone has a different sense of and need for balance. Finding your balance point will ease much of the tension and stress in your life.
7. Helping you guys find success on your terms is my mission. I can’t NOT do this. I believe God planted this in my heart and until he uproots it, I’m not going anywhere. he gave me a gift to help you brainstorm, find solutions and hold you accountable. So here I am doing my darndest – with your permission, of course.
8. I can’t make you successful, just like I can’t make you like me, trust me, or buy from me. What I can do is offer suggestions, guidance and prayer for your situation. god gave us all free will, so the rest is up to you.
9. My life isn’t perfect, it will never be perfect, and whilst I may grumble from time to time, remember I am human just like you – regardless of my religious affiliations. I do the best I can with what I have.
So there. As we take this 30 day journey together, realize that not everything I say will make you happy. That’s not my role. My role is to open your mind, and offer you options you may not have considered before. Stop being reluctant in your own life and embrace the renaissance waiting for you.
We begin in the morrow.
Letting Go Takes Love
In the past 24 hours it feels as though I have awakened from a 35 year coma. I can’t begin to explain everything here, at least not yet.
But new realities have come into my field of vision, and I’m seeing the world through somewhat different eyes.
As moms, we often think that we are doing so much for everyone else, and we don’t have a voice of our own. Sometimes we feel squelched.
Today, I realized I’ve been squelching myself in ways I never recognized; ways I never comprehended.
And it changes starting now.
During this process of “awakening” if you will, I heard a quote on the radio. It moved me so, that I had to find the author and share it with you.
In the past few days, it hit me that as long as our hands are clenched, we cannot give, nor can we receive. Further, if all we do is take, eventually there’s nothing left to take. If all we do is give, eventually, there’s nothing left to give. Thus, we must give and take in order to keep balance and maintain a “karmic equilibrium” so to speak.
This passage from Dr. Margaret Rinck spoke to me. And so I offer it to those of you dealing with clenched fists – whether they’re yours or someone else’s:
To Let Go Takes Love by Dr. Margaret J. Rinck
To “let go” does not mean to stop caring. It means I can’t do it for someone else.
To “let go” is not to cut myself off. It’s the realization that I can’t control another.
To “let go” is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To “let go” is not to try to change or blame another. It’s to make the most of myself.
To “let go” is not to care for, but to care about.
To “let go” is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To “let go” is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To “let go” is not to be in the middle, arraging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own destinies.
To “let go” is not to be protective; it’s to permit another to face reality.
To “let go” is not deny, but to accept.
To “let go” is not to nag, scold or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To “let go” is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To “let go” is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.
To “let go” is to fear less and to love more.
Mompreneur Success: Lose Your Ability To B.S.
Last night I’d had it.
After spending about 30 minutes in total silence sitting across from my husband, I finally unleashed the 7-year flood I’d been holding back. I ripped him a new one and was probably a bit more harsh than I should have been. Perhaps.
But maybe not.
See, in my estimation, he’s not been pulling his weight in the family. And yes, this is a pretty public forum for airing that kind of dirty laundry. I also don’t pretend to be blameless in our marriage. And when he calls me on something, I work hard to correct the issue. But I’m bustin’ my butt on a daily basis to try to improve our lives, where often, I feel like he’s doing “the minimums” just to shut me up.
In full disclosure, nothing I’m revealing here is some kind of secret. Everything I share he already knows. I’ve just lost my ability to B.S. my way through this situation any longer.
In part, I owe a deep debt of gratitude to one of my coaches: @SandyGrason. Her “Jerry Maguire Manifesto” took a while to marinate in my brain, and even as her student, I continued to marinate, because I thought I was “different”.
Somehow, I thought that I – all knowing, all powerful being that I am – could somehow change the course of another person’s life by being less than who I am.
- By pretending that things are great, when they’re not.
- By acting like nothing’s wrong in public, when my friends know differently.
- By doing everything I know how to do to “work on me” when that wasn’t the issue.
Now in all fairness, I love my husband and we’re nowhere near divorce. That would be too easy, and I learned long ago that easiest isn’t always bet. And yes, I do stupid stuff too, and I’m sure he’s gotten angry with me more times than he’s ever let on.
And that’s the problem. He doesn’t let on – about anything. And it’s reached colossal proportions.
So last night, I let him have it. Big time.
I had about 2 hours before my Direct Sales 101 class, and our house was child-free for the evening. Hoping to have some quiet time with my husband, I suggested we have a conversation about anything (really, anything. I’m not picky, just talk to me!).
He chose instead to stare out the window in silence for 22 minutes.
I, being a do-er, am not good at sitting STILL for 20 minutes, let alone sitting in SILENCE for that long – it was like water torture or something.
I finally lost my ability to B.S.: the ability to pretend and keep up appearances for the sake of others.
I called him on the carpet for a lot of nonsense in our marriage. We disagreed (he actually SPOKE a couple of times – and yes, I let him get a word in edge-wise), and for two hours we finally had an outpouring of honesty in our marriage.
For those that didn’t notice, a couple of months ago, I changed my facebook marital status to “it’s complicated”. Not because I’m not married, but because I don’t feel like we have a marriage right now.
For too long, we’ve been two people co-habitating, and not building a loving relationship. And while I acknowledged my role in everything, I also held him accountable to “man up” and own his portion of the responsibility too. That means letting me in through the wall he’s built, and making me the partner he says he wants in this marriage.
Here I am, trying to put on a live workshop for mompreneurs, who THINK I’ve got it all worked out. I’m talking about the importance of balancing family and work demands, and I’m sitting in a room with a guy who’d rather stare out a window than look me in the eye and have a conversation with me. There’s something not quite right about that.
Now, I’ve never claimed that my marriage was perfect, nor did I expect that marriage was some rose-colored adventure that would always have a happy ending. I grew up in a reality far-removed from that. My expectation was that marriage takes work – lots of it – on a daily basis, but that if you truly love each other, you do what you can and you don’t quit just because it gets hard.
And lately, it’s been hard. I’m off building an ark that he’s not too excited about. There’s friction there. But where I choose to face an issue head on and deal with it, hubby prefers avoidance. Perhaps because I’m prone to sharing the gory details of my life in social media?
Well, if he knows I’m going to blab about it, he should have seen it coming.
So last night, the gloves came off, and I let it all hang out.
Today, I know there are ramifications, calls from in-laws, posts from people who think I’m stupid for sharing this publicly, comments from people who’ll say that’s what I get for “emasculating my man by working”, yadda, yadda, yadda.
I’m ready for them. I don’t back down from a confrontation, and even if it’s hard, I’ve been through scarier stuff than this. In fact, this doesn’t scare me at all. Because, for once, I actually feel like I’m doing the best possible thing for everyone concerned.
And you know what? I’ve never felt better about myself.
There’s an empowerment in being true to yourself. We all deserve to live our truth – including me.
Including you.
So lose the ability to B.S. your way through life. Life gets better, the less B.S. you’re willing to tolerate.
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Sandy’s re-launching The Fabulous Formula soon. If you’re ready to make that shift, you might want to check out her program. My affiliate link is above, but I would promote this program even if I didn’t earn a little something for promoting it. She changed my life. That’s why she’s coming to The Renaissance Mom Experience in August. If you’re there, she might change your life, too.
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