Wishes

So my birthday is coming up fast… and for some reason, over the past few years, I didn’t enjoy my birthday like I used to.

It’s not because I’m getting older.

It’s because somewhere along the line, I’d given over my power to someone else.

I’ve been waiting for someone else to “make me happy” on my birthday.

Holding my breath in the days before my birthday to see what my husband was going to do to celebrate.

Waiting with baited breath as I unwrapped a gift hoping it would be something I was wanting.

Instead of taking charge of my own celebration.

See, I had always wished that someone would do up a big ol’ surprise party with balloons, a pretty cake, fun music and lots of smiles. I wished I would open presents galore, be surrounded by family and friends, and generally just feel a whole lotta love in the room.

But for all the wishing, there was no action.

Some years, husband manages to get me a card, sometimes not. Sometimes there’s a gift, sometimes “it’s in the mail.” Last year, I got so excite when my facebook wall was filled with birthday greetings. I spent most of the day replying, saying thanks. Somehow, I felt “loved” because so many people (most likely prompted by facebook’s birthday application) took a minute to give me birthday greetings.

It got me to thinking about where I had given up my power in my own life…

And I’ve been a fool to leave celebrating my life in the hands of others.

This isn’t about trust. It’s about valuing myself enough to ask for what I want and enjoy life my way.

Why in God’s name am I wishing for someone else to do something that I could easily make happen myself?

I can pick up a phone, invite my friends and family to come together and celebrate my birthday. I can select a gift for myself that I really enjoy. I can play wonderful music and I certainly know a friend or two that can craft an exceptional cake.

In my coaching practice, I talk about “the magic bullet” that clients come looking for – that panacea that will cure all their ills – the ruby slippers that make all the pain and effort go away.

In life, we can fall prey to this same concept in insidious ways: giving our power over to other people in our lives – or other people we want in our lives. Instead of taking charge of our own happenings, we “step back” and hope that someone will step in to handle something for us, when we’re completely qualified and capable of doing it ourselves.

“But it’s my birthday… I shouldn’t be in charge of my own party! That’s kind of selfish, isn’t it?”

Well, I’d rather be a little self indulgent and enjoy myself, than be a miserable “martyr” – wouldn’t you?

Plus, I’ve made a commitment to be more intentional about not living in the “shoulds”, thankyouverymuch!

2012 has a lot to live up to. I expect some amazing things to happen – and I plan on making as much of it happen as possible, instead of waiting around for someone else do “handle it” for me.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still asking for help, making more friends, and doing my utmost to practice self-care. At the same time, I’m stepping back into that person I was years ago when I learned how to record and produce two full-length albums all on my own.

I’m ready to celebrate. What about you?