Old Skeletons Die Hard

Saturday, I was blessed to spend some time with some amazing folks at a cocktail networking party that doubled as a business launch party for my clients, Rhonda & Juliet, over at Young and Stephens Design. Several of my other clients were there, and a great time was had by all. If you’re ever in the market for full spectrum event planning services (weddings, interior design, fashion shows, you name it), these women have it covered. They’re true Renaissance Moms as well – more on that in another post.

Today’s post, however, deals with what happened AFTER the party. In true form, several of us went out after the networking party to a local club for some dancing, karaoke (how could I refuse?) and general social revelry. The night went swimmingly until he walked in.

A few years back, I was working as a financial advisor, when the company made some changes. One of the changes included shutting down our office. As advisors, we had to choose to leave the company or to strike out on our own as independent advisors. In order to be independents we had to align with a broker. It just so happened that one of the other advisors in the office had his broker credentials, so we were able to align as part of his team.

Then my paycheck bounced. Not once, but twice. This joker made good on he first check, but he bounced everyone’s check the second time around.

Got me once, shame on you. Got me twice? Shame on me. Some of the other advisors were “got” several times before they could align with a new broker, or quit the business completely.

We tried hnting this guy down using legal channels, old addresses. He was slippery enough that the State Wage and Hour Division couldn’t locate him. Thousands of dollars in payroll were left unpaid. Several of my colleagues ended up tapping family savings to survive until they could align with a new broker or find a different job.

I was not one of the lucky ones. I think you can figure out that I was doing all I could, living paycheck to paycheck at that time. I was a single mom then, with no man to fall back on, negligible family support and doing everything I could think of to make ends meet. Plus, I had just graduated college, so I had a healthy student loan debt to deal with along with my mortgage, car payment, etc.

There was no savings. There was only me. And we nearly lost everything.

I had bounced so many checks my bank closed my account. He never did make good on any of it. He couldn’t be found. Instead, I ended up meeting a very nice guy who helped me take my mind off that problem and focus on moving forward. I eventually found a new job, and that very nice guy moved in with me, eventually married me, and bought my house from me so we wouldn’t lose it.

Yeah, there’s a story there, too, but not for today.

So in the intervening years, I’ve kind of forgotten about this joker that destroyed me financially. I really didn’t have that much to lose in the first place, so it was even more shocking to me that I was feeling all this rage when I saw him across a crowded bar room.

Oh, and I forgot to mention that this is the very bar where He dropped over $500 in drinks on pretty girls the day my paycheck bounced. I didn’t go to this bar much because of that, but I figured, hey, my friends are going, and that’s ancient history, right?

And in walks this skeleton from my past.

OH! The rage. My dancing got quite violent at one point. Fists, stomping, and whatnot. He was within striking distance a couple of times because I had a couple of very beautiful friends with me that night who are also great dancers. You could tell that this sad, sorry, old man really wanted to be a part of the happening youngsters. That’s funny to me because I just turned 35 and here’s this old dude still trying to mix with the ‘young ladies’.

One of my friends pointed out during the evening that he was actually kind of pathetic and his behavior that night warranted more sympathy than I was willing to give.

He very obviously didn’t realize who I was – it must be the blonde hair. It wasn’t until the DJ said something to me (we were friends from high school) that I think he made some kind of connection and vanished from the place.

So when the night was over, I was driving home alone with this gut twisting feeling inside me. Trying to figure out what the heck I was supposed to do with this.

I didn’t want to feel this way. I certainly didn’t want to have malice towards anyone – even an idiot ex-boss.

Okay, well maybe a LITTLE bit of malice… for a few minutes anyway.

But ultimately, that’s not going to serve me. This was bringing up old skeletons that I thought were dealt with. Buried and gone.

I tried telling myself that I was in a much better place now. That if I hadn’t nearly lost everything, I wouldn’t have gotten back into Direct Sales full time, I wouldn’t have started coaching, I wouldn’t be launching this new brand. That I’d probably still be a financial advisor, working 60+ hours a week trying to explain to my clients why they lost half of their portfolio in the stock market crash.

But that still didn’t do the trick.

I sat in my car and prayed. I asked God to help me forgive this guy. I asked to be released from the yucky stuff I was feeling and let me be free from my past. I knew I was in a better place and feeling this stuff just didn’t serve my stronger, better future.

And then it happened – the realization of why I was still carrying this thing around with me.

Sing it with me now: “Hello Mr. Fear”

Fear of Loss can be overcome by diversification

I was fearing that someone would have the power to ruin me. Fearing that I didn’t really control my own life – my income, my business, my success. Fearing that someone else I would trust to provide for me would back out. Fearing that my paycheck would bounce again.

It wasn’t this guy that was making me feel this way. It was the events surrounding my relationship with this guy that was making me feel this way.

And I started to cry. What a catharsis! Finally free ! A long-hidden skeleton that I didn’t realize even existed had leaped out of my closet and I ground it to dust.  It took some effort, but there’s no resurrecting that one!

The realization that no one person has their hand on my checkbook is liberating. I work with many wonderful clients and no one client is my meal ticket. I don’t depend so heavily upon one person that if they’re not happy I won’t have an income. I’ve diversified my life and my business in such a way that skeletons like that will not be an issue EVER again.

As a business owner, I’ve watched what putting all your eggs in one basket (client) can do. In Flint, we’ve relied so heavily on GM that now half this city is a ghost town since GM pulled out. There are some efforts to diversify, but Flint’s already taking the easy way out by embracing the motion picture industry. And what will happen when they pull out of Flint in a few years after the tax incentives run dry?

I’m not saying juggle multiple businesses in multiple industries (unless that’s your skill). I’m saying diversify your client portfolio so that you’re working with a variety of clients that match your perfect fit customer profile. Don’t waste time working with losers you don’t enjoy, but don’t pin your livelihood on one client that could ruin you if they ever go elsewhere for your product or services.

You’ll save yourself from having to battle this skeleton over and over again in your own business.