The Hard Way Isn’t Always The Best Way

Maybe my husband is right.
Maybe I do try to make things more complicated than they need to be.

Gawd, did I just say that?

I was sitting in a masterminding session when it hit me. I’m still reeling from the shock of the concept.
Is it truly possible for me to slow down, uncomplicate things, and still be successful?

Apparently someone other than my husband thinks so.
Several someones, actually.

As a member of Sarah Robinson’s Studio coaching group, I trekked to Atlanta for the second time in as many months, this time to sit in a very intimate group of business owners and focus on helping each other make forward progress in our businesses.

I will confess that I’m pretty good at this stuff – when it comes to helping others. I’m an idea firehose, able to leap small children in a single bound, and spout off concepts from different angles. I see LOTS of angles that other people don’t always consider.

As my teenage son would say, “That’s how I do.”

Yet, for myself, I was perplexed by four possibilities and unable to hone in on a single idea for discussion.
That, in and of itself, became the topic of discussion.

“Maybe you’re making it harder than it has to be.” said one group member.

Open the floodgates, why don’tcha?

For the next half hour, I was wiping my smudged mascara off my cheeks, as everything everyone said sunk in. I tried really hard to not take the “yeah, I know that” mentality, because I really wanted to honor the words they were sharing with me. I tried really hard to not say “yeah, but…” and I essentially made everything more difficult than it needed to be.

I resist the idea that the “Hard Way” isn’t the best way to do things. I’ve built my business, my life, as the bull in the china shop. Tell me I can’t do something? Watch me figure out a way.

And usually, it’s the hard way. But it’s worked for me so far – for the most part.

In this moment, what’s coming to me is a litany of hard luck, come from behind victories in my life.

I won’t bore (or thrill) you with any of them today, because here’s my epiphany: nobody gives you a medal because it takes you longer, costs you more, or it’s more painful, difficult, etc, to achieve your goal.

In the end, the only thing that matters is the result. If it takes you longer, or it’s harder for you, that’s just extra baggage you’re dragging around to complete the picture.

And by you, I mean me.

I carry my hard luck baggage around like a medal of honor. I talk about how I grew up in Flint, and almost brag about how I still live here – like that really means a hill of beans in terms of the success of my business or my life in general.

You know, if I can “make it” here, I can make it anywhere – and so can you.

What a load of hooey.

It doesn’t have to be hard. In fact it SHOULDN’T be hard – unless there’s really no alternative.

And that’s a foreign concept to me.

It’s like trying to describe a rainbow to someone that was born blind. They don’t get nuance, color blending, refraction, water droplets and light. All those elements that can be defined, but can’t be experienced if you’re blind.

And I’ve been blind to the easy way. For me, “doing things the easy way” represents chicanery – that fly-by-night promise of untold riches while you sleep: ”push button” profits and stuff like that.

It feels out of integrity, dishonest, and deceptive.

The fact of the matter is that success in anything requires effort – and sometimes a little hard work or elbow grease.

But another fact of the matter is that you don’t have to kill yourself to be successful. You don’t have to become a martyr to live the life of your dreams – in fact, it’s probably better if you don’t.

So today I’m learning to open up to the idea of effortlessness.

That, in and of itself, is hard to me.

So I guess in a backwards way, I WAS doing things the hard way. (work with me here, I’m a recovering “hard-way” addict).

I really have no frame of reference for effortlessness. About the only thing that comes easy to me is learning. In fact, some people say I’m obnoxious about sharing my knowledge. I don’t try to be. I really want to just help people not do things the hard way – because I’ve spent most of my life doing it that way myself.

There IS an easier, better way. I thought my job was to figure it out for other people.

Problem is, that’s hard, and it sucks – a lot.

So I’m done. Sort of.

Meaning, I WANT to be done. I want to give up doing everything the hard way – and I want to be able to tell my husband he’s right and I’m wro….

But the thing is, it’s easy to say “I’m done”. It’s another thing to cut all ties with doing and being difficult.
So I’m starting small.
I’m moving slower today. Just for today. I’m even being more intentional about the way I type. Being aware of the food I’m eating, the people I’m talking with. Trying to be more “here” – more present in this moment.

That’s hard in a whole different way. I find myself analyzing if I’m “doing it right” – as if there’s a right way to just experience the world around you.

Tomorrow is day two of this slowing down experience. And maybe… just maybe…

I’ll find the pot of gold at the end of this rainbow.