Fearlessness

Sitting in a client meeting, something was said that made me cock my head like the dog in the old RCA Victor ads.

“I used to be like you.”

Of course, the thoughts that ran through my head were many. In what way was that meant? How is it my client was once like me? In what way?

I didn’t want to interrupt the train of thought, but that notion kept kicking at the back of my head.

So finally, as the conversation lulled, I brought my client back to the statement.

“What did you mean by ‘I used to be like you’?” I asked, in my best non-threatening tone of voice.

“Fearless.” was the reply. There was more to it than that, but that word really stuck in my head.

Me? Fearless?

Surely you jest. You certainly don’t know me very well.

So I put out a tweet. And one of my colleagues was quick to point out that she, too, thinks I’m fearless. Her definition, though, gave me a bit more peace. She said that I “feel the fear and do it anyway”, which to me, is not the same thing. But I understood where she was coming from.

Once again, definitions make a difference.

My comment back to her was that I am a “walking steamer trunk o’ fear”. And in that statement, a flurry of replies and DM’s made me feel as if some ancient mystery had been revealed.

When things are going well for me, my brain whirs with all the proactive “what if’s” that allow me to predict, plan and adapt my business to the changing landscape around me. When things aren’t going well, I’m looking for solutions to improve the situation, turn the tide in my business, and bring myself to a new level of excellence.

That’s a fancy way of saying my brain is always spinning with ideas – when things are going well or not. A lot of that activity is because I know that if I slow down for just a single second, fear will grip me, root me to the spot, and pull me into the earth like some bad horror flick.

I wake up in the morning full of doubts, worries, anxieties and fears. Most of them are drowned out by the other noises in my head or my extra long to-do list that I create just to distract my head. I get a lot accomplished, because I’m afraid to sit still. Afraid life will pass me by.

Afraid, afraid, afraid. It’s like a rope tightly wound around my neck.

Funny thing about saying a word over and over again – it starts to lose it’s meaning. The letters start to stand alone, and the sounds blur together.

I was raised with the notion that if you want something done, and done well, you’ve got to do it yourself. Delegation has been a huge obstacle for me. Afraid I wouldn’t get things out on time, afraid projects wouldn’t be done to my standards, etc. I decided to get help. Now, I have a great team of people (that’s growing) to support me as we grow this business.

Afraid, afraid, a-frayed.

I was told that if I wanted to make something happen in the world, I couldn’t sit idly by – I had to go out and take action on things. So I emailed, tweeted, and connected with people I thought would be good people to know. I was afraid they’d make fun of me, afraid they’d ignore me, if I just approached them blindly. So I hired them, worked with them, promoted them, and in return, they’ve become amazing people to know – and great resources for my own business.

Afraid, a-frayed, a-frayed.

I was told that I could be anything I wanted to be, if I truly wanted to make it happen. So I did what my Momma told me, and started shaping my life to my own standard. I was afraid it wouldn’t work out, that things would fall apart, and that my life would be a freaking huge disaster. It’s a work in progress, admittedly. Considering the alternative, I am pleased with my direction. Yes, I face setbacks, and things don’t always go the way I planned, but more often than not, they do – or something better appears. Something that I never even DREAMED for myself just steps into my field of view. And I see a new goal on the horizon that looks delicious and keeps me in hot pursuit. In fact, I’ve pretty much realized that with enough faith and tenacity, anything is possible.

A-frayed, a-frayed, a-frayed.

And when the rope’s all frayed, it isn’t very strong.

I’ve learned in the past year, that the biggest obstacle between where I want my life to be, and where I am presently, are the beliefs and values that I hold for myself. More to the point, it’s the beliefs and values I hold for myself that are out of alignment with -or disconnected from – the image of who I really want to be in the world.

And it’s fear that stands in the gap.

Fear is an emotional response that has it’s own rules of logic. When I figured that out, it became relatively easy (and difficult) to overcome some of those fears. It takes time, and lots of ammunition, but it’s possible.

That doesn’t make me fearless, unless you mean to say I have less fear now than I did before. There are still things I’m not ready to face in my life. Things I’m putting off for another day. I like to tackle the low-hanging fruit first. The funny thing is that just by tackling the low hanging fruit, I’ve made tremendous leaps in my business in the past two years.

What is your low-hanging fear? What’s one of the seemingly small fears that seizes you up from time to time? What can you do to take the emotion out of that fear and slowly chip away at it until you have a belief that matches the person you want to be in the world?

Take that step. However small or insignificant it may seem. Take it.

Along the highway, there’s a tree growing out of a rock out in the arid Intermountain West – where the old railway lines used to run. The story I was told goes like this:

A train engineer was chugging along and saw this sapling sprout in the rock. Each time he passed the rock he would water the sapling. Eventually, other engineers would shower water on the rock as they passed. Over time, that sapling sent out deep roots, split the rock enough that it could survive, and now, a full grown, albeit twisted and weatherbeaten, tree grows out of this boulder.

The tree is either your fear or your faith. The rock is either your faith or your fear. It all depends on your perception.