Confessions of Self-Worth Part 3: Congruency

Every time I see the word ‘congruent’ I think of triangles and learning about geometry when I was in elementary school.

Congruency means that even though two objects may be viewed from a different perspective – it may be rotated, flipped on an axis, or reversed, if the two objects were superimposed on one another, they would be exactly the same shape and size – like a puzzle piece fitting into it’s space, the two objects would align perfectly.

In the past couple of years, I’ve heard a lot of talk about being in alignment with your values, your goals, etc. The problem is, a lot of what I’ve heard has been just that – talk. So much lip service, and so few people really putting their money where their mouth is, so to speak.

When I set up the new blog here at TheRenaissanceMom.com, I imported a few posts from my direct sales blog that really didn’t fit over there. I wanted to segregate my ‘messaging’ a bit and deliver more applicable content in each blog.

As I was culling through posts, I found not one, but TWO posts I’d written on this topic as it related to a mentor I’d been following for a while.

“Got me once, shame on you, got me twice, shame on me.” is what my 6th grade teacher once said.

I realized then that a piece of self-worth comes from your level of congruency. When you say something is important, act like it’s important.

When you cultivate a clientele, respect them and they will buy from you. Disrespect them once and some will leave. Disrespect them continually and people will talk badly about you AND leave.

When you say you value truth, honor truth AND admonish dishonesty.

When you say you believe in the power of manifestation, God’s power, and our ability to achieve anything when we’re in alignment with that power, don’t put your faith in the stars.

Simply put, let your actions and beliefs be in unison with one another.

I’ve been banging my head against a wall lately. It’s becoming clear to me that the reason behind part of the lump on my noggin is related to congruency. There are still areas of my business (and life) where my own beliefs and actions are not congruent.

I’ve been watching and ‘modeling’ my mentors and ‘gurus’ for so long, that occasionally I forget who I am. I hear my own voice trying to compare who I am and what I’m doing to others who have ‘gone before me’. Sometimes I get wrapped up in trying – and forget that I already AM.

I am a strong, dynamic woman. People tell me I’m talented and knowledgeable. I smile, care for my kids, and try to do my best.

I struggle with self-doubt, self-criticism and forget about self-care. There are no million-dollar mansions on the street where I live, nor are there any hot new roadsters in my driveway. But I make a decent living for myself, treat my staff well, and “play nicely” with others. I believe I excel at helping other women light a fire in their business and get the right results. I love what I do, and although it’s never perfect, it’s bliss.

And I’m probably more like you than you might think. At least, that’s what I’m hearing when I talk with other business moms.

They’re stuck, they feel like no one else can relate to their situation, and more importantly have no place to go to ‘vent’ or get support. Sometimes it’s cause their husband isn’t as supportive as they’d like. Sometimes it’s because taking care of extended family (parents or grandchildren) takes so much of their time. There’s guilt, and fear, and sometimes even a sense of loneliness, right in the middle of all the people, places and things in which they may be very active – even on a daily basis.

If you don’t know what it’s like to feel alone in the middle of a daycare full of kids, my client can tell you.

If you don’t know what it’s like to love your kids SO much, but still want to lock them in their room so you can spend some quiet time on the potty, ask a mom.

If you don’t know what it’s like to feel guilty about going on a business trip while your kid is home sick, ask @unmarketing.

It’s not about being depressed. In fact, we’re often riding a great wave of success in one area or another in our lives. It’s not depression. It’s just feeling like no one else understands. We feel that way, because in that moment some part of us is not being congruent.

Our business self is out of alignment with our parenting self. And we feel SOMETHING: guilt, anger, resentment, shame, etc.

I think this is why women in direct sales feel smarmy or don’t want to come off as being “sales-y” or pushy. Because that behavior is not congruent with who they are in their core.

And I think that’s wonderful.

We need to honor who we are – warts and all. My friend @ElizabethPW has a tattoo: “Live Your Truth”. Part of that truth is being congruent.

So it’s time for me to cut the apron strings from those folks I once admired that are not positive examples of congruency. Despite all their success and the wealth they may have amassed, I’ve got to part ways. I just can’t justify trying to measure up to some yardstick that doesn’t apply to my life anymore.

I know I said this last year, and maybe it’ll become an annual event for me. I think it’s important to assess and re-assess where you’re at, where you’re headed, and who’s along for the ride. Sometimes, you need to winnow the tag-alongs that just aren’t pulling their weight anymore.

I don’t want to ‘model’ their success, because in my book, it’s not congruent with my own definition of success. When I model in-congruency, my life will be in-congruent.

Congruency = a life and business that fit together - without excuses or apologies.