Confessions of Self-Worth, Part 1

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What was supposed to be one of my shortest posts ever, has become sort of a manifesto that feels best presented in “parts”

And so it begins.

I’ve been ruminating about a lot of stuff related to being a coach, developing this new business, the LIVE event we’re planning this fall, and a bunch of other seemingly disconnected ideas. Like ElizabethPW‘s post on the many reasons why she sucks (she doesn’t really, at least not IMHO, but I digress), and overpriced “gurus” and my kid at camp, and how my hubby’s such a baby when he’s sick, deadbeats that don’t pay their child support (thanks, @unmarketing), and a host of other, um, stuff.

Then I found a connection: Self Worth

This funky little thread that ties it all together.

And I owe a heaping helping of gratitude to the amazing Marcia Hoeck for clicking it all together for me. See, I’m one of a handful of clients that’s working with her in the “End of the Elevator Pitch” small group coaching program she developed to help us clarify the “what do you do” question without using an elevator pitch (apologies to Barbara Lopez!).

I love my elevator pitches. They’re great. I don’t plan on ditching them anytime soon. This course, for me, was more to help me hone in on my ideal client for The Renaissance Mom as we finalize the plans for our Live event in the fall.  I wanted to have the right words to say to bring clients that resonated with the message of the event – because I want to have a packed house. I figured Marcia’s marketing experience would be a great place to start – and I might meet a few people in the group that would resonate with it.

As usual, I got WAY more than I expected – just in the first session.

In one of the exercises, Marcia walked me through a process to help me understand the value I bring to the table. The irony was that it’s something very similar to what I do in my own coaching practice. Godly enough, Marcia is quick to remind us that even the sharpest knife can’t carve it’s own handle (Thanks, Marcia!).

Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve known at the core that my best work is in helping people understand their value. I’m very good at showing a person how they are LOGICALLY worth more than a few measly bucks an hour – particularly women. I’m not talking about jacking up some inflated pricing scheme, but really helping a person to see the value they have as a business owner AND as a human being. To me, that ‘human’ thing is more important, anyway.

What I didn’t get was WHY I was so good at it, or more importantly, why I was feeling called to serve people in this capacity.

I mean, I’ve got a great business working with direct sales reps, and I’ve been happy to plug along in that niche for the past 2 years. Frankly, I’ve rebelled at the idea of being some kind of mom-preneur. It felt like a stigma or some kind of slack being cut for not being a “real” entrepreneur (whatever that means). I’ve railed against the notion on countless occasions. To me, I’m a mom and a business owner, there’s no need to cloud either issue – or use one as an excuse for not succeeding with the other.

That’s my “logical” brain trying to have a say in things.

So it made no sense to me why I should be the one to launch this brand. I mean, yeah, I’ve got a special needs kid with some issues. There are times when my husband could be more supportive. There are times when cash flow could be a bit more on the upside of the wave. But isn’t that what life is? Everyones got issues, everyones got obstacles. The success comes in finding ways to overcome it.

What made my story any different than the clients I already worked with? The moms of multiples who have to cart their kids to special therapy sessions and still juggle their business meetings. The single mom that moved across country to make a better life for her kid – only to find out the job she went there for dried up while she was en route. Why was I the one that was being singled out to “lead a revolution” as one person pointed out?

Because I’ve got the big mouth, that’s why.

I’m still not comfortable with being called ‘fearless’ – though I get that a lot. I am VERY comfortable with saying that I’m direct, kind of blunt, and not willing to put up with a lot of crap – most of the time. I can pretty much call it as I see it. I may not always see it correctly, but I have no problem with saying “my bad” if I screw up, either – most of the time.

So I’m working through this process with Marcia, and all these threads start coming together. The deadbeats, the sick hubby, the kid at camp, the women I work with, etc, and I made a statement something like this:

We get so caught up in not letting people know who we are. We think we’re a bad mom if we spend time working on our business and a bad business owner if we have to take our kid to the doctor. And worst of all, we feel like we’re alone… isolated on some kind of island where we can’t – or we’re not allowed to share this pain, this struggle, this experience. We think we’re the only people going through this, and the truth is, we’re not alone . We just need a connection, wind my key and point me in a direction so I can fix the issue… My clients don’t want hand holding. They want to know they’re not alone in this fight and that they can be successful. They’ll do just about anything. They get stuff done. They just need a connection, a support, and to know they’re not alone. But it’s this dirty little secret we harbor because we look at these millionaire mentors we’re supposed to be ‘modeling’ and we tell ourselves, ‘well SHE doesn’t have to put up with the stuff in MY life’ or ‘if I had HER life, I’d be successful, too’ and that’s crap. We’ve all got issues, and there are women out there with the same story telling themselves these lies because they think they’re the only ones. I’ve got six and seven figure income earners calling ME and asking me how I do it, and I’m like – ‘are you kidding me? I didn’t think there was any other option. You either succeed or you fail. And I’m not a big fan of failure, so you figure out a way.’ And that just blows me away, because people don’t know what’s going on behind the scenes… it’s this ‘dirty little secret’ that no one wants to talk about, but there are SO many mom entrepreneurs going through this right now. And they are HARD working moms – dads too!

And that’s when it hit me. The clouds just kind of rolled away.

It’s all about our own self worth. And when I say that, I mean how we truly value ourselves – not as business owners, but as human beings.

One of the things I tell my clients is that if YOU don’t believe you’re worth $500 an hour, no one else will either – including your family, friends and clients. Why should they, if yo can’t see your own value?

The other thing I recount time and again is the firm belief I have that YOU (as a business owner) are the single most important product your company has to offer. Period.

The problem (and the solution) comes in the belief. When a client believes (in their core) those two statements, I’ve seen incomes double or triple overnight. Literally. It’s kind of freaky, really. But when a client struggles to believe in their own value as a person, it echoes through every other piece of their being: business, family, life in general.

And THAT was the ‘ah-ha’ that brought it all together. I’ve been wanting my live event to be something remarkable. Not another “rah-rah” kind of thing, and certainly not a giant up-sell or pitchfest for some awkwardly presented ‘mastermind group’.

In short, I want it to be an event I would shell out my hard earned money to attend – no matter where it was. Something that made me feel like I was a better PERSON for being a part of it. Not to learn sales tactics, or new marketing trends, but ways to give my business and life more significance by recognizing my own value and what I brought to the world.

And I realized in that moment that the person I was trying to reach was more like me than I had ever care to admit.

Then I understood ‘why me.’